[Anonymous]

hi April,
Please help me to see clearly what i’m dealing with right now…
I’m female dating a man for 8 months. We are both Asians in late 20s. I’m a part time teacher and he is a self-employed man and we’re both still live with our parents in the same city.

For the first 3 months in our relationship, we were like glued to each other. He liked to hold my hand, hugged me and even liked to seat beside me whenever we were watching movies together. I like it very much, and i cant deny myself that i really need that kind of treatments as one of love expressions from my partner. He also said that he wouldn’t mind to pay for our dinners every time. And the most important thing i haven’t mention is that he did it with [b]his own initiative. [/b]
I and with all my consciousness realize that we haven’t married yet and therefore maybe it’s best for us if we take a turn to pay our expenses, and we do it until now.

After about 3 months, i notice he started to change his behavior. He likes to spend his time doing sports from monday-friday and only spends time with me on saturday night and sunday. I don’t want and cannot have a relationship like this. So i talked to him more than once with some arguments and finally he is willing to spend one evening on the weekday just to be with me. I think he is fair and i can understand him more from time to time that he just cannot be separated from sport, so i think it is ok.

The thing i confuse and cannot think clearly is that he becomes less romantic from time to time and i have to ask and say over and over again the need to be hugged and kissed. He rather enjoys sitting alone on the other side of the chair and watching movie alone at his home than coming to my home and watch it together. i feel this is as the biggest problem in my relationship. i’ve talked to him, but it seems that he takes it lightly and doesn’t really care what i ask from him.

After more than six months, i find him a little bit awkward about spending his money on me. He is very selective in buying stuff for himself and i think it is very good. I never ask him to buy my needs. But, there was time when i did ask him to buy me little stuff because he often goes to that place , let us say things that cost him less than a dollar. It turns out that he matters with it, he said it is impossible for him to buy me stuff if we haven’t married.
The thing is, i don’t judge men from the price of the things that they would give to women.. but more to how willing and how generous they are to their partners, do i make sense?
so, when he said he’s willing to pay for our dinner which cost more than 1 dollar once we go out, why should it be matter when i ask him for a help to buy me such a cheap stuff. Note, i asked him only 3 times…
i believed what he said about that but after this case i start to put a big question mark and try to remember that he is very seldom pays for my dinner if he doesn’t order one. I never realize it before because we agreed to pay in turns in the first place.

I don’t know if i want to continue this relationship with him.. i’m all confuse now. Is there something wrong with our relationship or Am I just too over reacted?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not overreacting. Your boyfriend is losing interest in you. You’re trying to make him show interest in you by telling him what you want him to do, but that’s not working. So, I have a suggestion.

Try and understand what it is that men want. You seem really clear on what your needs are, but you haven’t mentioned his. I can tell you as a relationship expert that your boyfriend loved dating you in the first three months of your relationship because he felt like he was trying to win you over, and was doing well in that regard. When you told him that you didn’t want him to pay for your dinner any more, you took part of that chase away from him. You didn’t bother to consider what he got out of buying you dinner: he felt like the man because he was taking care of his woman. Now, he just feels like you’re a friend and he’s not that interested any more.

What you need to do is to restart that chase you had him on in the beginning of your relationship. You have to start flirting with him and start giving him the message that you’re a fabulous prize to be won — if he wants to go after you! You shouldn’t be demanding or requiring him to spend more time with you. You should be the one who’s telling him you’re busy, but that you’d love to see him next week!

You’d do really well to read my book called Think & Date Like A Man, for women who want to find Mr. Right, get him and keep him. You’ll learn all the tips and secrets to making a man want you and getting him in a way that’s win win — for both you and him. Download the book at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] and read it this weekend! You’ll have a whole new perspective on how to get him back on track in this relationship.

I hope this helps — tell me how things go and if the book offers you any new insights. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for your advice April.
After this long, i notice his needs are to have freedom to do whatever he likes. he also often reminds me to always keeps telling him what I want from him and if he does something that bother me, he wants us to discuss it and not just have a silence acts. I remember we fought twice over small matters and what upset him the most wasn’t the problems but the fact that i didn’t tell him what I wanted him to do for me.

April, when you said i have to start flirting again with him, can you give me little tips of how to start to do it? because i find myself already seldom seeing him. Do i have to start lowering down the number of answering his phone as well and let him pays food? Hmm.. Help me here..

Thanks April.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Buy my book for the answers to your question about how to flirt with him! It’s only $15.95, and it’s a GREAT investment (that you can afford since you’re going to be letting him buy your dinner from now on! 😆 ). You can download it immediately here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], and start reading today. It’s a short read, and it’s full of advice that you need.

I’m really positive that this is the best way for you to get the information you need to make your relationship with your boyfriend work better.

After you read the book, let me know if you still have questions about flirting and making your relationship work. 😀

[Member]

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