[LSgirl]

My ex of 10 months broke up with me 6 days ago. At the time he had just woken up at a friends house from drinking/playing poker so he was not in the greatest of moods when I argued with him about something (mostly me as he is not confrontational or starts anything, very frustrating) finally he said that he was tired and sleepy and didn’t want to fight anymore and that our relationship couldn’t last. He said goodbye and apologized that he could not be a better boyfriend and that I deserve to find somebody that could give me what I want. That part is another issue as he came out of a 8 year relationship with his ex fiancee who cheated on him so he always had an emotional wall up and didn’t want to be hurt again. Otherwise, he was great boyfriend, gentleman, loyal, and honest. He also said that it was not fair for him to stay with me because he knew he was hurting me and that he needed to move on and that I’ll always have a place in his heart.

I suppose the reason why i ask if there is a chance is before this, he was very sweet. He even got me a surprise that he was supposed to drop off the night before but I told him to give it to me the next day when we hung out (still don’t know what the surprise was). We had plans to go snorkeling next weekend and this weekend we were supposed to go to a Halloween festival (that he boughts tickets for both of us), but of course he went with his roommate. On Facebook, we are still listed as “in a relationship” but he rarely goes on his account and probably has not thought to take that off. I have shown no activity on my Facebook, not responding to wall posts on my page from friends (although i message them so he can’t see). It’s been almost a week now and no contact on either side (although right after he broke up, i begged him the first hour but told myself No Contact asap and I did).

I’ve been going online to different forums and sites and reading that I should use NC to move on and not for him to call back, understandable. But, what is the usual wait time for them to reach out again? 2-3 weeks at the most? Although I’m sure it depends on many factors. He hasn’t deleted me on FB (I know I should do it but I think he should since he broke up with me) but is there any possibility that he may come back? I feel like the way it was ended (via text) was not the best of talk, but he did say “goodbye” and apologize. Should I just assume that he’s over it? He must feel guilty, maybe even relieved, I have no idea.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You wrote that he broke up with you after, “I argued with him about something…”. What did you argue with him about? What was the dynamic of the argument? Was this argument part of an ongoing disagreement? Did you argue a lot in the relationship? And lastly, how old are you both?

[miss confuse]

couple of days will be fine to reach out.

[LSgirl]

Hi April,

He’s 27 and I’m 26. The last argument was when I called him after work (we had plans to hang out) but he had just woken up at his friends house (sundays he likes to drink and play poker with a friend) so he just woke up, and he didn’t seem all that excited to hang out. When I said “so are we meeting up tonight?” he replied “I still have to figure out what’s going on tonight”. That made it seem like he didn’t want to hang out wtih me and wanted to see what else was there to do. I got annoyed and he could tell and then he said he’d call me when he got back home. During his trip home, I was texting him saying not to make me feel stupid for wanting to hang out with him when we made plans. He doesn’t respond much to confrontation and likes to just move on from them. I send him how sad it made me and that his communication was not healthy and how I was growing resentment.

It’s been 8 days of NC and i’m confused and angry that my ex bf of 10 months hasn’t tried to contact me when he broke up with me in a text message. He doesn’t seem like the type to just leave it at that and have the decency to at least call or e-mail. I know he’s no longer responsible for the way I feel, but a text message?

I’ll paraphrase some of the things he said when he broke up with me:

“I don’t want to fight anymore or at all. I can’t keep up with these arguments, I don’t think this can last”
“Don’t chase something I’m never going to give you (love). I have to move on and let you find the one person who can”
“I’m sorry, we’re done. I know you can never forgive me.”
“We had lots of fun and you will always have a place in my heart. Goodbye”

All through text message

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Gosh, it really sounds like you single handedly drove him away. 😳 When you called him to see if he still wanted to go out with you or hang out with you, he was blowing you off by saying that he’d have to see. Your response should have been to make plans on your own — or not — but definitely not to text him to tell him how angry you were about his rejection. Men don’t want to be with women who make them feel like they’re not good enough. You’ll get a lot further with sugar than vinegar! Plus, you already know he doesn’t like confrontation (most men don’t). By doing exactly what he doesn’t like, confronting him, you gave him a lot of reason not to want to see you. 🙁 He said he’d call you when he got home, but you couldn’t let him get home without texting him — and my inference from what you’ve written is that this break up came after a litany of this type of communication where he disappoints you and you berate him. It shouldn’t be surprising that a break up occurred. If you felt you needed to text him, instead of making him feel bad, you should have flirted with him and told him how much you’re looking forward to seeing him, or that you’ve got a special surprise for him — or something to entice him, not reject him back. 😥

When you told him he had unhealthy communication, that was a flat out insult. Again, men aren’t going to want to be with you if you insult them — common sense. If you want to get him to change there are ways to do that, but acting like a school teacher who has power over a bad student isn’t going to get you what you want. Besides, it’s not necessarily just his communication that is unhealthy. It’s also your inability to handle rejection that you’re confusing for bad communication. When you told him your resentment was growing, it doesn’t sound like you were having a positive conversation. It sounds more like you were venting your frustration over his rejection of you, at him. If someone is rejecting you, the worst thing you can do is to basically say, Stop rejecting me! Instead, you should give him reason not to reject you! 😎

From what you’ve written, he’s definitely done, and although the text wasn’t a very thoughtful way to end a ten month relationship, it sounds like it’s the way he did it. So, in answer to your question, yes, it’s over. You shouldn’t try to contact him. Instead, you should learn from this relationship for the next one.

I strongly recommend you read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you have a better idea of how to get a man and keep him. There are a lot of tips and pieces of advice that I think will benefit you greatly.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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