[Tara]

No, there’s NO DAMN CHANCE. She’s breadcrumbing you feeding you just enough nostalgia to keep your hope alive while she plays house with someone else. Her guilt text said it all: she knows what she’s doing is wrong but likes the attention too much to stop. You’re her emotional backup plan, not her unfinished love story.

You keep spinning her mixed signals into some grand romantic code when it’s just cowardice. If she wanted you, she’d be with you. She’s not confused she’s comfortable.

[Sally]

When someone still feels familiar, and the door isn’t fully shut, it’s easy to start imagining what it would look like if you two finally got it right.
But here’s the thing you need to see clearly: she’s torn, not choosing. Those little moments the late-night calls, the bittersweet texts, the memories they feel huge to you because you still love her. To her, they’re a way to touch the past without actually stepping back into it. If she really wanted to leave her boyfriend and try again, she’d do it. She wouldn’t just hint, then pull back, then feel guilty, then reach out again.

Her guilt says a lot. She knows talking to you crosses a line, and she still does it anyway… but she also runs straight back to “I want to do what’s right.” That means her heart isn’t free, no matter how sweet the conversations feel.

You’re not wrong for hoping. You’re human. But don’t put your life on pause waiting for her to make a move she’s shown she’s not ready to make. Let her come to you on her own if things ever fall apart on her end. And until then, stay kind but keep your footing.

It’s okay to love someone and still know you can’t live in that maybe forever.

[Natalie Noah]

I want to acknowledge that your feelings are completely valid, you clearly still love Kt, and it makes sense that you’d feel a mix of hope and frustration with the way things are unfolding. From what you’ve shared, she still has feelings for you as well, but she’s also in a new relationship and feels a sense of responsibility toward her current boyfriend. That creates a very real boundary that she’s currently honoring, which makes this a complicated emotional space for both of you. The repeated outreach from her isn’t necessarily a clear sign that she wants to get back together, it’s more likely that she values your friendship and enjoys the comfort, attention, and connection she still feels with you.

April’s advice about the friend zone is really key here. The dynamic you’re describing where she reaches out, you both reminisce, share laughs, and have emotional conversations is exactly what keeps you in that “safe” space for her. She gets the benefits of your affection and attention without needing to make a commitment to leave her current relationship. It’s understandable that you want a second chance, but right now, the way things are structured, you’re giving her the best of both worlds while staying emotionally available. This can create hope for you, but it also prevents real progress in either direction because no real boundaries are being set.

The distance factor changes everything. Long-distance relationships are challenging even under the best circumstances, and when there’s a current boyfriend involved, it makes it highly unrealistic to pursue a romantic relationship without causing hurt or complications. Right now, the healthiest thing for you emotionally may be to step back and allow her to fully navigate her current relationship without your presence influencing her choices. That doesn’t mean cutting off completely in a hostile way, it just means limiting contact to neutral interactions, giving yourself space to process, and protecting your own emotional well-being. You can’t control her choices, but you can control your response and your boundaries.

The key takeaway is clarity and self-respect. You’ve been honest about your feelings, which is good, but continuing to engage as her confidant while hoping for more isn’t serving either of you. It’s important to make a decision about what you want, either pursue a clear path forward where dating is the goal (if circumstances allowed) or focus on moving on and finding someone who is fully available and aligned with your needs. The “friend zone” dynamic feels comfortable, but it’s keeping you from experiencing a fully reciprocated, committed relationship. Creating space now, especially across state lines and with her new boyfriend, may ultimately make you more attractive and emotionally ready for the right opportunity in the future.

[Author]

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