[Karebear]

My boyfriend and I dated about 4 months before he decided that we needed a break (around November 14). He’s a manager working full time as well as a full time student and living at home (which he doesn’t want to). It was around Thanksgiving that we slowly started talking again, maybe a good week before we stopped talking again. It was until december that we both sort of poured our hearts out. I told him that i miss him which he replied “I really do miss you sweetheart, I always do, that hasn’t changed. I want to hug you and kiss you, and I do still love you. I know that’s not fair for me to say, but it’s true.” which then I told him that I still loved him as well and that I’m willing to wait for him until he gets things situated and finishes college (should be this spring) to look for a better job that doesn’t treat him bad. I also told him that I still want to be with him and he then replied “I do want to be with you, I just don’t know if i can right now. I still care about you, and I still want you, but I don’t want to hurt you. I still really want to be with you, and I do miss you more than you know.”

after that we decided to date with no title because he doesn’t want to hurt me by not being able to see me or not have time to talk like he wants to. To make this short, we were trying to go out on a date, the first time was interrupted because he had to go to a family dinner, the second time there were tornado warnings and it was pouring, and then the last day…we were both ready to see each other we couldn’t wait any longer but it was interrupted because he got a call from work telling him he had to go to work the next day (he works 9-10 hours a day, wakes up at around 5am and that week he got called on was suppose to be his week and a half break) he was really upset that he said “I’m really sorry sweetheart, I just can’t get away right now. This is why I ended things and I don’t want to give up just yet” and its been all January and we haven’t talked since then….what should I do? Is there a chance we will get back together? I still have a strong hope everything will turn out ok (which he also said before the call) I am still living life like usual but it hurts not hearing from him…

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like he has legitimate reasons that he is not ready for a relationship right now. Working full time, finishing college, and living with parents while he saves enough to get his own place is taking up a lot of his time and he just isn’t ready to commit time to a relationship with you. I believe him. But…. it doesn’t mean he’s waiting until things clear to date you again. I think he’s probably putting all his focus into his life right now, and isn’t thinking about the future. You, on the other hand, are missing him, not dating other people, and focused on a reunion. That’s what’s dragging you down. My advice is to move forward in your life, and act as though this relationship is over, because it is. He may come back to you at some point this summer or next fall, but for now, the two of you are not dating. You’re broken up.

It’s very difficult to accept and process a break up that comes about amicably and for good reasons, and that comes about with good manners and civility. Ironically, it’s easier to get over a break up where there’s cheating, abuse, and “words exchanged”. But this is a break up, and my advice is to let go and move forward. The ball is in his court — and he’s got a lot on his plate, at the very least, until he graduates from college in May.

I know this is disappointing, but I think it’s in your best interest.

[Lune David]

April, I read this whole story and honestly… this guy isn’t ‘busy,’ he’s just not showing up.

Anyone who wants you will make time — even between work, school, tornadoes, and family dinners. But he’s giving her sweet words and zero action. Weeks of silence say more than all the ‘I miss you sweetheart’ lines he dropped.

She’s basically doing girlfriend-level loyalty while he’s giving part-time effort with no title. And that’s not a relationship — that’s a waiting room.

[Member]

Posts