[MarcellNagy]

I’m a 18 year old guy, and I’ve got to know a 14 year old girl last summer online (4 years difference may seem a lot now, but it won’t be a problem later), who lives a few countries away. We talked more than 4 months, and then we both admitted that we loved each other. That was exactly 5 months ago. She is everything for me, I love her with my whole heart, and I want to live my life with her. She feels the exact same way, she wants to spend her life with me too. The problem is that her dad found out about us (around 3 months ago), and he forbade the girl to talk to me.
We kept talking in secret, but her dad figured it out again a few weeks ago. And he told her daughter that they would divorce, send her to a boarding school, and take away all the electronics from her if we kept talking. She is too scared to keep talking with me, but I know that she is the TRUE ONE, without a doubt. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know what I could do…
At nights I can’t sleep, I’m always awake for hours when my mom wakes up at 5am, I go talk with her in the kitchen, cry a lot, and this happens EVERY day. And also I feel totally broken, I don’t want to even imagine my life without that girl, and it hurts so much.
I’m lost in ideas about what I could do…
She is in my mind nonstop, I can’t stop thinking about her, my grades are going down at school, I can’t concentrate on anything, I only feel the pain, but I refuse to lose her… I just don’t know how I could avoid that.

Please, I really need help, I’m totally out of ideas and everything is going horribly, she is literally my life, when I was at school I was waiting for her to talk with me, when I got home I was waiting for her, I wanted to be with her in every minute of my life since we got close…

Thank you in advance,
Marcell

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m so sorry you’re hurt.

When you’re only 18 without a job or money to fly around the world, it’s very hard to imagine you can sustain a relationship with someone in another country. So from the start, this relationship was probably not going to work out. You can love her as much as it’s humanly possible, but if you don’t have a job and money to fly and see her, the relationship is really not going to be a real life possibility.

The other problem is that she’s 14. She’s too young to be involved like this, and her father is right. Sorry. 😕 From his point of view, which you should try and consider, you’re some guy she met on the internet. He doesn’t know you and he’s protective of the child he loves. He’s just doing his job. 😉

I think you should focus your time and energy away from the internet. Get out and do things. Meet new people. And look for someone who lives in your zip code to date. You’ll be a lot happier if you find someone who’s closer to your age and with whom you can get together weekly or more. 😉

[MarcellNagy]

I have the money to fly there, but not too regularly, I have enough money to get there and back, but I don’t know if it could help.
I don’t have a job yet, because I have a lot of lessons at school, but she is too important for me. I can’t just lose her like this, she is like nobody else, she understands me way more than anybody else could, she brings happiness into my life, and she is 100% perfect for me. I don’t want to get into any other relationship, she is the one I love and I could never love anyone else. She is so different than any other girls.
The thing I want is not someone I can date, not a girlfriend, she is the one I really want, nobody else is good.
And about her dad… Yes, I know that it’s the right thing he can do, but I want to prove him I can be trusted…
I really feel like I can’t live without her, I even cut her name into my shoulder with a razor blade and wrote her a message with blood onto a paper.
I love her so MADLY, I can’t let go of her… I want to be happy with her together, I want to make her the happiest girl in existence, and spend my life with her.
I’ve seen her flaws, and “darker side” too, and I totally accept her with all her mistakes, I love her more than anything else, but this whole situation is so hard…

Thank you for the reply

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to focus on her, and you’re not ready to move on, then you have to be practical. 😉 Relationships aren’t just about feelings. They’re about problem solving. And since nobody is arguing with your emotions, let’s leave them out for a minute. Your real problem is that the 14 year old girl you met online and love, who lives far away, won’t talk to you anymore because her father has made it crystal clear he doesn’t want her to. She’s chosen to align with her family over you. You don’t like her decision. 😳

Your choices are to try and convince her to risk the consequences her father has spelled out if she disobeys him, or to talk to her father and convince him to allow her to talk to you. That’s it. You can work on one at a time or both together, but this is actually simple problem if you want to approach it.

I hope that helps. 😉

[MarcellNagy]

Thank you for understanding that I can’t move on.
I don’t think her father wants to talk to me, because he doesn’t trust me at all (I know he just wants to protect her daughter, but it feels bad, because I’m the “never lying, 100% honest and does everything for his loved one” kinda guy, and I did nothing to make him judge me without giving me any chance)
And also, I’m afraid she would get shouted at if she mentioned this to her dad again…

And about her decision, she made it million times that I’m the most important one for her, she would leave everything she has behind for me, she said if her dad found it out again, she would still try to stay in contact with me, but it’s not going that way… I don’t know what her father told her, but she changed so much in a few days. I totally get that it’s very hard for her, and she’s scared, but I’m certain that we would have a very bright future together. I just can’t lose her… Even my mom and sister like her (my sister totally wants to be best friends with her), but I just don’t know what to do…

I was thinking of travelling there, but I don’t know how that could help (I know I could finally hug her, that I was waiting for SO much), but besides that, I don’t think her dad would let me explain anything, he probably would be super angry at me. (I don’t live that far from her, less than 1200 kilometers)

But I have absolutely no idea what I could do to keep us together. Most of the times, she was solving the problems, because I get panicked very easily, and I can also break very easily, first time her dad saw our chats and forbade her talking with me, she was the one who told me to talk in secret, but now she is way too scared to do so, and she looks like she lost her hope, she said it clearly that we can’t talk, but I want to keep on fighting for both of us, I can’t imagine my future without her.

So here I am, trying to find a solution alone, because she is not in a state she could help, but I still want to save our future. We were talking so much about that, imagined together how our days would be, the marriage, going out and just being together. She was so happy when we were talking about things like that, but now she seems so… I can’t even describe… Emotionally dead, all hopes lost, and I REALLY want to change it.

Don’t you have any ideas what I could do? I’m so lost, but one thing is sure, that I don’t want to let her down.
Thank you once again for listening to me, and helping, I really appreciate it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I get that you’re hurt. Truly, I do. But you’re talking about a relationship with two people. [b]It’s not all about you.[/b] [i]She’s [/i]decided not to stay in contact with you. I know you want me to fix this for you, but I can’t because [i]she[/i] isn’t willing to meet you halfway. This is between the two of you, and she’s opted out. 😥

[MarcellNagy]

I know it’s not all about me, but we have so many happy memories, we totally fit each other, even if I could create someone for myself, that person couldn’t be as perfect for me as she is, we make each other whole.
And as I said, I want to make her the happiest girl, so I can’t give up on this. She isn’t just a 14 year old girl for me, she means everything to me.
I want us to be happy together, it would be the best for both of us, but we (I) have to solve this current problem first.
And her decision wasn’t 100% her decision, it was mostly her dad’s. I know that she would want to keep in touch if her dad wasn’t overprotective. And I get her dad too, but I feel like everything between us would be a waste if we couldn’t be together.
She would never let me down, neither would I. I know it would be the perfect relationship if it wasn’t like this with her father. And I want to save the situation somehow, there’s gotta be a way we can be happy together like both of us want it.

And this whole stuff is consuming me, I’m a total wreck now, but I can’t let her disappear out of my life…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She has chosen not to contact you. That’s how relationships end.

🙁

[Sally]

First love can take over your whole body, not just your heart, and when it’s taken away suddenly it feels like you can’t breathe.
But I need to be real with you, in a caring way. She’s 14. Her dad isn’t being cruel here, he’s being protective. Even if your feelings are real, this situation puts her under a lot of fear and pressure, and that’s not something love is supposed to do. Sneaking, threats, her being terrified to talk to you… that’s already hurting both of you.

What you’re feeling doesn’t mean she’s the only one for you forever. It means this connection became your whole world too fast. That happens when you’re young and lonely and finally feel seen.

The hardest thing and the kindest thing is to step back and let this pause. Not forever. Just now. You don’t lose love by letting go of control. Sometimes that’s how you protect it, and yourself.
You’re not broken. You’re just hurting. And this pain won’t always be this loud.

[Tara]

This situation is NOT romantic, it’s unhealthy, inappropriate, and dangerous for both of you. She is 14. You are 18. That age gap is “no big deal later,” it is a big deal now, legally, psychologically, and morally. Her father is not the villain here. He is doing exactly what a responsible parent is supposed to do: protect his child from a relationship she is not mature enough to handle, and that could seriously damage her future and yours.

What you’re calling “true love” is obsession mixed with emotional dependency. You’ve made a teenager your entire identity, your emotional regulator, your reason to wake up, and that’s why you’re spiraling. That is not love, that’s loss of self-control. Real love does not require secrecy, fear, ultimatums, threats of divorce, or ruining a child’s relationship with her parents. If your presence in her life causes chaos, fear, and punishment, then you are not a positive force in her life, no matter how intense the feelings feel.

You do not get to override her parents, her safety, or reality because you’re in pain. You do not get to cling to a child and call it destiny. And you absolutely do not get to keep pushing secret contact when she is terrified and explicitly telling you she can’t continue. That is crossing a line.

The only responsible, decent move is to stop contact completely. Not “pause.” Not “wait secretly.” Stop. Let her grow up. Let her live her life. Get your own life back. Focus on school, your future, and your mental health. If this connection is real in any meaningful way, it can only exist years from now when she is an adult, and even then, there is zero guarantee. Most likely, this fades because it was built on intensity, not reality.

You are destroying yourself chasing something you cannot and should not have right now. Walk away with integrity before this turns into something far worse. This is not about bravery or devotion; it’s about maturity. And right now, maturity means letting go, even though it hurts.

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