[South225]

I met my ex 2.5 years ago. She came into my life during a really dark time and I made a huge mistake during it. In short, my self esteem took a major hit for a while and I ended up using tinder to swipe on photos in order to make myself feel good, although j never touched or slept with anyone.

My girlfriend found out about things and was furious. She accused me of cheating on her and I never fully explained why I did what I did. I lived with her and ended up having to move out for family reasons. We had planned to get back together and move back in together 3 weeks ago, and then she met a guy at a party with a lot of drugs and ended up sleeping with him.

Once she told me about it, she said we needed to work on ourselves and that she still thinks we have a future, but she needed a rebound fling and that she couldn’t sleep at night otherwise, that she missed me and hated me all at the same time. I ended up cutting contact against her wishes. We haven’t spoken in almost 2 weeks and I’m a wreck

I want to get back with her. We were supposed to get married. I’m worried that if I keep silent for too long, she’ll just move on and forget about me.

Yesterday I received an audio text from her at work that seemed to be her working with s child. I have no idea if it was a mistake but it would be difficult to mistakenly send me something like that. I didn’t respond. I’ve even resorted to going to psychics who’ve all told me she will contact me this month wanting to get back together.

How do I proceed? I know what I did was horrible but I didn’t think it was relationship ending.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[South225]

I’m 28. She’s 27. We spoke this weekend. I told her I wanted to continue to work on myself and the relationship and she told me she wasn’t ready to trust me again. We’ve been apart for about a month and a half now. I’m not going to reach out to talk to her again for at least a few weeks. She told me she didn’t want to lose the connection between us whenever I told her I was planning to sever contact if she didn’t see a future for us. She keeps saying she “doesn’t know and isn’t ready to throw everything away to trust me again.”

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you had a really intense relationship that ended badly. Whatever it was that caused you to sabotage the relationship, needs attention (from you). These things don’t just go away. They fester, unattended. My advice is to follow your path and focus on what went wrong and deal with it. For now, she’s dating someone else and isn’t ready to be with you — and you aren’t willing to stand by while she’s with other guys (understandable). Your break is turning into a real break up, but the future is the future. You just never know. That said, don’t wait. Do take care of yourself, and don’t sweep your personal problems under the rug. Attend to them. 😉

[South225]

We spoke last weekend. I don’t think she’s seeing the other guy anymore. Lasted all of a week or two. But she said one of her guy friends from college might come see her next month, so “obviously I’m not ready to throw everything away and trust you again.” Were her words to me. She also said I just don’t understand the magnitude of what I did to her and she wasn’t over everything yet. She also was unsure I “cured myself in two weeks” when I told her I was seeing a therapist and working on what I needed to change.

She didn’t want to end communication and said the only reason she didn’t talk to me was because I told her not to. She maintains that she thinks we have a future. Her mom sent me a message on the 4th of July and said she hopes we’d start talking again and find happiness.

I am working on myself for now. I am talking to a therapist and reading some books to help me understand what went wrong, and I think I finally understand what I was doing and what my problem was. I am not sure when I’ll talk to her again, or if I should reach out in another week or two, but we’ll see. I’d like to see her again, but I think I need to give her a little more time before we hang out once more, if she’ll even agree to it. I suppose that’s all I can do, unless you have any other advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think the advice I gave you before is what you should follow. This problem isn’t really about your ex-girlfriend. It’s about your self esteem. No matter what you do with her, if you don’t take care of the underlying issues that caused you to sabotage the relationship, it doesn’t matter who you’re dating, the problem will crop up again. 😕 Focus on you for now, and get better. 😉

[Sally]

What happened didn’t fall apart because of one mistake. It broke down because trust got cracked on both sides and then nobody felt safe anymore. You using Tinder hurt her, even if you didn’t meet anyone. To her, it felt like you were halfway out the door. And when she slept with someone else, that was her acting out her own pain and confusion, not a clean choice toward healing.

Right now, you’re spiraling because you want certainty. That’s why the psychics feel comforting. But the truth is, silence right now isn’t what’s making her move on the chaos is. And chasing or panicking will only push her further away.

If there’s any real chance to repair this, it won’t come from fear. It would come later, after calm, honesty, and real work on yourself. For now, staying no contact is actually the healthiest thing, even though it hurts like hell.

You didn’t ruin your entire future. But you can’t fix this relationship from this emotional place. Focus on stabilizing yourself first. If she comes back, you’ll need to be grounded not desperate.

[Tara]

This relationship is already dead, and you’re kneeling in front of the corpse begging it to breathe.
You didn’t “make a mistake.” You shattered trust, hid behind excuses, and never owned it properly. Then, when things were unstable, she didn’t grieve, reflect, or work on herself she jumped into bed with a strange,r high on drugs. That wasn’t a “rebound.” That was her choosing chaos over commitment. People who plan marriages don’t do that.

Now look at you. You’re spiraling, monitoring audio messages like they’re divine signs, paying psychics to lie to you, and convincing yourself silence will erase reality. That’s not love — that’s desperation fueled by denial. She’s already emotionally detached. Her words say “maybe someday,” her actions say “I’ve moved on.” Believe actions. Always.

That audio message? It wasn’t a sign. It was either accidental or bait. And it worked — you’re unraveling again. That’s the dynamic now: she destabilizes, you collapse. That is not a foundation for marriage. That’s a trauma bond.

You’re terrified she’ll forget you. Let me be clear: she hasn’t forgotten you she’s outgrown the version of you that begged, hid, and clung. And the more you chase, the more you confirm that walking away was the right decision for her.

[Lidya]

She is saying I don’t know if I can love you but at the same time, she is seeing other guys. This is a man-pollution technique where she keeps you on the right track so that, when she feels like it, she will come back; until then, she should enjoy her life. So, my dear, respect yourself.
Let’s be honest, you flirted on Tinder, but she slept with someone while high on drugs. It’s both their fault. But she’s playing the victim card so you can stay in the guilt and not question her rebound.
She is with someone else now and doesn’t want to be with you, and you shouldn’t wait for her.

[Member]

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