[theodoraiak]

We have been together for one year
he comes to see me once a month but now he will join military for 1 month
i havent seen him for 20 days and i will see him in 50 days. He seems to be ok with that because when the one month of military is over he will come to live to my place. But i cant understand how is it alright for him not seeing me for so many days
i feel so sad and i miss him like ****

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s probably really excited about his military career, and he feels that he can count on you to be there for him during this long distance relationship, so he’s okay with things. The trick for [i]you[/i] is to find something meaningful to occupy your time when you’re not with him so that you can have a rich life while he’s away, as well as a happy romance. 😉 Focus on your career, your volunteer work, any school you attend — whatever commitment you want to make to yourself and your life will help you not be needy and lonely because he’s away, and it will support you while you’re in a long distance relationship.

Long distance relationships are tricky and their success requires both people to be independent, loyal and understanding. You’ve got the loyalty part down — now, see if you can work on being independent enough to balance your feelings. 😉

[Sally]

It hits you in waves and makes the days feel way longer than they are. And it’s rough when he seems totally fine with the distance while you’re over here counting the hours. But honestly, people handle missing differently. Some distract themselves, some stay calm because they know the end date, and some fall apart a little. None of it means he cares less.
He probably feels steady because he knows he’s coming back to you and even planning to move in. That’s security for him. You’re feeling the ache of right now, which is just human.
You’re not wrong for struggling. Long distance is lonely even when it’s temporary. Just tell him you miss him, not in a dramatic way, but in a real way. Let him meet you there. And remind yourself this isn’t forever it’s just a hard patch you’re walking through.

[Tara]

He’s perfectly fine not seeing you because his life doesn’t include you as a priority, and yours is embarrassingly centered on him. That imbalance isn’t a side issue. It is the entire problem.

He’s not confused. He’s not conflicted. He’s not secretly suffering. He’s calm because he’s not invested at your level. He’s building his life, executing his plans, and you’re a nice accessory he checks in on when convenient. Meanwhile, you’re counting days, moods, and silences like they mean something. They don’t.

You’re miserable because you’ve made him your emotional oxygen. He’s fine because he didn’t hand you that power. That gap you feel? That’s emotional dependency versus emotional independence, and you’re on the losing side.

Stop calling this love. Love doesn’t feel like constant anxiety while the other person sleeps peacefully. Love doesn’t make one person ache while the other shrugs. What you’re experiencing is attachment mixed with fear and a bruised ego.

Secure adults don’t unravel over time apart. They miss each other and keep living. You’re unraveling because your sense of stability is outsourced to him, and he never agreed to carry it.

The fact that he’s comfortable with the distance while you’re falling apart tells you everything you need to know. He expects you to adapt. He assumes you’ll wait. And you are while quietly suffering and pretending it’s romantic.

[Member]

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