[Miti]

Hi…me and my bf have been dating for around 2 years… Initially as all guys are he was very sweet and possessive(a bit), would wanna talk to me, text me, do video calling… But now everything has changed… He doesn’t want to do video calling at all and he doesn’t miss me when I am not around…he says that he loves me and still does some sweet things, but that’s a rarity now… Initially he also wanted me to get married to him but now he refuses to talk on the same subject… I guess now he realizes that he needs to get really stable before entering into marriage , but he doesn’t wanna discuss as to where he wants to take our relationship…. I do not deny the fact that I have been perfect all the time, I have also fought with him, been impatient but I am trying not to repeat those things again, but he just doesn’t seem to care… We live in different cities and get to see eachother once in a fortnight… He spends the entire day with me nicely but then when is away he just seems to be ignoring me… He says he gets busy when he gets back to work…the worst is he always plans his holidays without me and with his friends, he even says that he doesn’t miss me when aways on trips without me,,he never comes up with any surprises for me.. Even though he knows that I expect it… I don’t complain but I feel really disappointed… Before he used to love when I used to send him my photos now he rarely says anything when I send them….I would not say that he wants to leave me and genuinely he might be busy because he does make it a point to call me once in a day….but he just calls and doesn’t communicate as before he has reserved himself… Doesn’t open up….I know he loves me but don’t understand this behaviour of his….he even knows that I am expecting to spend the valentines with him, but he says that it’s still far and he has no plans in his mind yet….what should I do…?? I want him to be as before…I want him to want me and miss me as I do…. Pls help….

[AskApril Masini]

Although your title to this post says you’re confused, the post itself indicates you’re not confused at all. In fact, you’re actually [i]super clear[/i] on what’s happening: Your boyfriend has lost interest in you. Knowing that and not denying the reality may be painful, but it’s a good start if you want to make changes. What you need to do to win him back is not demand or complain, but instead, be the girlfriend he wants to drop everything to visit. 😎 After two years, it’s possible that you’ve let yourself go and stopped flirting, seducing and really being the woman he wanted so much to begin with. Time to start! Remember that dating is competitive, and in long-distance relationships, it’s even more so. Remember what it is men want and how they want to feel and to be treated in order for them to commit. You can always buy and read [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b] if you need more help. It’s a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. 😎 Here’s the link where you can buy it: [url]https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0595374662/ref=lpr_g_1/102-2178981-9624908?s=ebooks&v=glance&n=551440[/url].

I hope that helps.

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[Miti]

Hey April,
Thanks for ur reply. Since you feel that he has lost interest in me, I would like to get help on that. First of all , I am really too scared to think that he is cheating on me. This time when we had a fight, I told him not to call or text me unless he realizes his mistake. But I know he is very stubborn and his ego will not allow him to apologize to me. Its been four days that he has not contacted me, but when I post something on facebook, he hits like on it and this makes me feel that he feels sorry but wont say it. Can this be true or I am just making false assumptions? I dont want to initiate a patch up this time, as everytime I used to be the one to do it. And this if I do, I will definitely sound very needy. But I really wanna know what he wants to do further. Coz if he wanted to break up, he would have told me or rather deleted me from everywhere. But he has not. Why is he testing my patience by being silent. I have also made it clear that if wants to end it, he would just have to tell it to me so that we could end it mutually without any resentment for eachother. But I just dont get his behaviour this time. Previously he would return back in a day or two….I am freaking out . 😥 😥 😥

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Thanks for ur reply. Since you feel that he has lost interest in me, I would like to get help on that. [/quote]

I gave it to you — but I don’t think you took it. 😕 You should buy, read and act on the book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep the guy — [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b]. You can buy it here: [url]https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0595374662/ref=lpr_g_1/102-2178981-9624908?s=ebooks&v=glance&n=551440[/url]. I hope you’ll buy and read it because I think it will help you.

[quote] First of all , I am really too scared to think that he is cheating on me.[/quote]

Fear is a big problem in relationships. It causes a lot of complicated, derivative behavior. For instance, since you’ve said that he’s lost interest in you, and you fear he may be cheating on you, rather than deal with the real problem here, because you’re too afraid, you may be creating fights to push him away, subconsciously, so that he can’t leave you first. Complicated, right? But there’s truth in it. My advice is to face your fears and decide how you want to behave, knowing what they are.

[quote]This time when we had a fight, I told him not to call or text me unless he realizes his mistake.[/quote]

This was a mistake on your part. 😳 If he did something you didn’t like, and caused a mistake, you should tell him what it was that bothered you and what you’d like instead of what he did, as well as your part in the dynamic. 😉 Especially since you feel that he’s lost interest in you, and may be cheating, pushing him away like this isn’t going to help you keep the relationship together. It gives him an out to break up. 😳

[quote]But I know he is very stubborn and his ego will not allow him to apologize to me.[/quote]

If you know that he is stubborn, and that you made a mistake by telling him to go away until he figures out what he did wrong, it seems like the ball is in your court! 😉 Time to tell him you made a mistake! If you’re also stubborn, it may be difficult for you to apologize to him, and that’s going to create more ill will, and again, more reason for him to leave.

[quote]Its been four days that he has not contacted me, but when I post something on facebook, he hits like on it and this makes me feel that he feels sorry but wont say it. Can this be true or I am just making false assumptions? [/quote]

It could be true. But rather than guess, why not tell him you made a mistake, and you’d like to make up with him?

[quote]I dont want to initiate a patch up this time, as everytime I used to be the one to do it.[/quote]

Then, you need to accept that you’ve told him to go away until he knows what he’s done wrong, and he’s doing that. If you don’t want to patch things up, then my advice is that you make peace with your decisions.

[quote]And this if I do, I will definitely sound very needy. But I really wanna know what he wants to do further.[/quote]

I don’t think it will make you sound needy. It will make you sound as if you’ve made a mistake, recognized it, and want to be apologetic and loving. As for wanting to know what he wants to do — don’t put your head in the sand. He’s letting you know he doesn’t want to do anything. If he did, he would. 😥

[quote]Coz if he wanted to break up, he would have told me or rather deleted me from everywhere. But he has not.[/quote]

Maybe. Maybe not. People break up in all different ways. You told him to take a hike, and he did. And you don’t want to initiate an apology. And there’s a history of problems that have led to fighting. Not a great scenario, as it stands, for the long term. 😳

[quote]Why is he testing my patience by being silent.[/quote]

Wait a minute — you told him to go away and not contact you until he figures out what he’s done wrong. 😯 He’s doing what you told him to do. Why do you think he’s testing your patience? ❓

[quote]I have also made it clear that if wants to end it, he would just have to tell it to me so that we could end it mutually without any resentment for eachother. [/quote]

Just because you tell him what you want him to do in terms of breaking up, doesn’t mean he is going to follow your directions. So this could be his way of ending things. 😥 You just won’t know until either you talk to him or enough time goes by that it becomes clear that you’re broken up by default.

[quote]But I just dont get his behaviour this time. Previously he would return back in a day or two….I am freaking out . 😥 😥 😥[/quote]

He may have decided that enough was enough. I suggest you apologize and talk to him. And that you get to the bottom of what the fighting is about.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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