[lostinlove]

I’m hoping for some help here….

I’m a man, 32 years of age, divorced after a 9 year relationship that started in High School. I’m seeing a woman, 33 years of age, never been married, who proclaims that her relationships never last long save for one that she was in for 1 year with a guy that treated her extremely well but couldn’t fully commit. Both of us have children if that makes any difference.

She and I met at the end of November ’10, introduced by family members. We hit it off right from the get go. Sparks flew, fireworks burst full of I love you’s with the sound of wedding bells ringing in the distance. We’ve both agreed that it was “love at first sight”. She saying it was the first time she talked to me over the phone that she knew I was special, and for myself it was the first time I saw her.. I could just tell that she was going to be someone I that I could really see myself with. Things started off gradually with emails and a telephone conversation but after the first week, week and 1/2, they sky rocketed. We were texting all day every day, talking for hours over the phone every night, telling each other how we feel about one another non-stop, etc. We’ve seen each other whenever possible, but due to circumstances such as the kids, living arrangements and work it hasn’t been as often as we would like but often enough that we were comfortable. Over the past few weeks we were laying on the compliments and soaking them up. Head over heels and really enjoying one another as much as we could each day…. things were really hot and heavy…

but then… after this past weekend… things seem to have slowed down considerably where she is concerned. She doesn’t text as often, doesn’t sound excited when I call, she’s glad to see me but not like she was. She’s gone from being overjoyed with everything about me and simply being glad to have anything to do with me, to sounding indifferent when I call, appearing to lose interest and even getting irritated when I don’t always have something to say or am at a momentary loss for entertainment ideas, waiting hours to return my texts and phone calls rather than minutes if she had waited at all. She’s told me along the way that she likes to be “woo’d” and I’ve been trying my hardest to “Wow” her with quite a bit of success (though I need to work on that as I’ve noticed that my ideas are starting to feel repetitive). We’ve hit a couple of stumbling blocks along the way, but both agreed that they were nothing that we couldn’t get past. We’ve gone so far as to saying that we feel like we are soul mates and were meant for each other. I had just given up on the idea of dating for a while when we met and here we are. We both have laughed at the irony of that and have been so glad that things came together like they did… but now its come to this….?

I have several thoughts A) I suffer from occasional moments of anxiety, shyness and nervousness, some of the moments are severe but rare, and she experienced one of my more awkward moments first hand this past Saturday for the first time. I wonder if it concerns her? B) We’ve talked so much about everything that we’re running out of things to say occasionally. Some of the initial excitement is bound to eventually wear off. I wonder if she’s becoming burnt out or if she is maybe unsure about me now? Have I perhaps become boring? I wonder if I’m not measuring up the well-to-do ex that constantly did new and exciting things for her to keep her interested? C) She’s starting school again this week and between that and a stress inducing issue at work has not “been herself”. I wonder if she’s having a tough time coping and is channeling that into our relationship?

Part of what I’m looking for are opinions on why things seem to be changing, but allot of what I’m hoping to garner from this is what I can do to keep her interested without coming on too hard or too soft and without putting any stress on her. I already feel as though I’ve been over compensating or maybe not adjusting to the change as quickly as I could/should have… I’ve considered approaching her about this but “pumping her for information” seems to be the wrong way to go. I don’t want to come off as neurotic, insecure, insensitive, ignorant or unattentive. I’m also hoping for some ideas on how to spice things up, and for advice on where to find ideas to continue to keep things interesting. I’m good at romancing, but I’m also easily pleased and sometimes lack in creativity. Especially when it comes to event ideas. I can write a love letter that would melt any heart, but I’ll take a girl to the same restaurant 5 times in a row for lack of any other ideas and a limited budget. I’m madly in love with her and simply want to do whatever is needed to hang on to the woman of my dreams.

Any advice? Thanks in advance everyone!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The first thing you should do is to buy and read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to win with women. It’s EXACTLY what you need to answer so many of the questions you posed in your post. Here’s the link where you can buy the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

The second thing you need to understand is that you’ve only been dating her for three to four months and you have children, she has school, you have jobs — you’re still getting to know her. Focus on this process instead of jumping the gun and declaring each other soul mates before you know if you’re even compatible! 😕

And watch out for the flashing yellow light: she’s only had one relationship that lasted a year and she’s 32 years old. This means she has never seen a relationship through past a year.

I hope this helps, and that you’ll read Date Out of Your League and then let me know how things are.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

Posts