[doesITmatter28]

Hi,
So before i share my question, i would like to introduce myself first. I am a Pakistani student living in USA and doing MBA. There is a girl in my class that i really like but we hardly get to talk to eachother. We are in the same program since Aug, 2015 but things do not seem to be working in my favor. We have never been in a group together. Infact i tried once to talk to her and all i could do was that i stammered a bit and then i said “I feel nervous in front of you”. Later, i sent her a message on facebook that its actually that i respect you so much, that’s why i feel nervous (I wish i could have said i love you so much). However, at that point i realized that probably she is not into me because she didn’t ask me any counter question such as “Why do you feel that way?”. The only reply that i got was “I appreciate that”.
Even when i am in class, i try to look at her sneakily and i have noticed that she is also looking at me at the same moment whenever i look at her; or it may be just a coincidence. I personally feel that one of the reasons may be the country that i am from: Pakistan. Usually, not many people have a favorable perception about that region. But i wish i could just talk to her for hours and kiss her and hold her hand and tell her that how much i love her. She is not engaged because she does not wear a ring. One of the reasons why i have never approached her because she might think that i have some materialistic motivations. Anyway, can anyone help me that what’s going on with me and why things are not working in my favor.

[AskApril Masini]

You have social anxiety, and you have a great motivation and opportunity to get over it. Everybody is nervous before they do something they really want to go well — but when your feelings keep you from what you want, it’s a chance to address your fear of failure. Let’s start with the bottom line. Worst case scenario in your mind is probably that you do something to embarrass yourself in front of her and her friends. Not only do you not get the girl, you give her something to laugh at you about forever. So that’s probably the worst thing that will happen. Will anyone die? No. But that’s what’s probably keeping you from talking to her and getting to know her enough to date her. Now — I’m going to tell you what’s worse than that: Being true to your fear, and not your heart. If you decide that your fear is more important, so you don’t try with her, because you’re afraid, you’ll never know if she would have said yes. And you’ll always wonder if she was the one that got away because you didn’t ask her out on a date. Now THAT’S worse than being embarrassed. Embarrassment is short lived. Regret is forever.

That should be your motivation.

So here’s my advice. Start with baby steps. Don’t try to have a conversation with her, but do try to walk up to her and say two sentences. Like, “It’s nice to see you today. Your smile’s made my day.” Corny? Then you come up with two sentences. “That color looks beautiful on you. Hope to see you soon.” And walk away. Small, baby steps. This gives you practice, creates a channel of communication, and leaves her guessing, and hopefully wanting more. You can use a prop, too — bring her a single flower, like a daisy or a rose, and hand it to her, and tell her you’re happy to see her. And walk away. These small, baby steps will help you gain practice and confidence and may even give her reason to come up to you to talk!

[doesITmatter28]

Thanks for your reply April.

Do you think when i told her that i feel nervous in front of her, but later on facebook that i respect her alot and its becuase of that that i am nervous. Do you think that might have dropped some hint ?

Regards

[AskApril Masini]

I think your saying that did drop a hint about your liking her. 😉

[doesITmatter28]

Hi April,

Greetings.

So, i tried taking first baby step today. She was wearing a horizontal striped top and she looked pretty in that. So, later i texted her on Facebook that she look pretty in stripes. I thought that i should first choose facebook to gauge her reaction and then talk face to face. But even after seeing my message, she did not reply.

Looks like i have no chance 🙁 .. Feeling sad

Looking forward to your reply,
Regards

[AskApril Masini]

Here’s the advice I gave you last time you earlier. Read it over and see if you can follow it. Talking to her in person is much better than complimenting her on Facebook after you’ve seen her earlier in the day. 😉

[quote]So here’s my advice. Start with baby steps. Don’t try to have a conversation with her, but do try to walk up to her and say two sentences. Like, “It’s nice to see you today. Your smile’s made my day.” Corny? Then you come up with two sentences. “That color looks beautiful on you. Hope to see you soon.” And walk away. Small, baby steps. This gives you practice, creates a channel of communication, and leaves her guessing, and hopefully wanting more. You can use a prop, too — bring her a single flower, like a daisy or a rose, and hand it to her, and tell her you’re happy to see her. And walk away. These small, baby steps will help you gain practice and confidence and may even give her reason to come up to you to talk![/quote]

And try to look at the bigger picture. This is all an opportunity for you to work on your social anxiety. The more you practice the better you’ll get at it. A big picture outlook is going to be best, here. Whether or not things work out with this woman, another one you’re interested will come along and if you’re more prepared for her, then whatever happens here, will have been worth the work. 🙂

[Sally]

When you really like someone and nothing moves forward, your mind starts filling in all the gaps.
From what you shared, it doesn’t sound like anything is “wrong” with you or where you’re from. It sounds more like there just hasn’t been real connection yet. One nervous moment and a polite reply don’t mean rejection, but they also don’t mean interest. Right now, you’re mostly in your head with this, building feelings without actually knowing her.

The truth is, respect and attraction usually grow through simple, normal conversation. Not big confessions. Not pressure. Just talking like two people. If that never really happens, nothing can start.

Try not to turn this into a story about fate or country or worth. It’s just two classmates who haven’t crossed that bridge. Take it slow, be kind to yourself, and remember that liking someone doesn’t mean they’re the only door that matters.

[Member]

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