[hotrocket7]

I am 42 yrs. old and my husband is 50. We have been married for 8yrs & been together for 12. Over the last year we have grown apart. We ran a family business together, that closed because of the economy, we are in horrible financial debt. I feel everything falls to me to get us out off debt, such as calling all the accts, talking with bank, mortgage holder etc…he does none of this and refuses to help. Our romantic relationship is falling apart too, but he can’t see this no matter how many times I tell him we need to talk. I have told him several times that I need more, and he rolls his eyes and says he understands, but nothing changes. Last weekend I went to a high school reunion, that my husband refused to go to. A few friends met at a local pub for a few drinks before and an ex of mine was part of the group. As soon as “L” walked in the door my heart raced. I see a couple times a year, and we are the kind of friends that don’t change with time. We pick up from where we left off. “L” is also married, but has a very sick wife that depends on him greatly, and will depend more on him in the near future. He also knows how I feel in my marriage. L & I decided half way to the reunion to go to another party for another class about half way thru our reunion, 4 or 5 of us went together. After a long nite of laugh, dancing, and talking of old times, we found ourselves in the parking lot kissing. It was the most passionate kiss I have had in a long time, and I really enjoyed it as L did. We went to a friends house, and after a few more drinks, ended up in bed with eachother. We saw eachother the next day, but couldn’t discuss what had happened. Via email the last few days we have talked about the situation, but both said we have things to say that can’t be put into words via email. We both want to get together to discuss this because we don’t want it to be the “elephant” in the room everytime we see eachother. Our fear is that we won’t just talk. There has been a sexual attraction for years and in high school we were together on and off for all 4 years, but both moved on after high school. What should I do? Meet with him? Should I tell my husband about this? I’m not sure I feel guilty about this. Please help…..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The fling you had with your ex-boyfriend is just [b]a symptom[/b] of the problem — and that problem is your marriage. Your financial issues are an understandable wedge — many couples feel the stress in their marriages when finances are strained as yours are. In addition, talking about the lack of romance isn’t working with your husband, so rather than continuing to bang your head against a wall, you’ll get more results by changing your tactic. Talking about a lack of romance rarely works. A lot of people think that it’s going to work because talking is a way of connecting, but the truth is it’s too different a way of connecting from the way you want. Rather than talk to him about the lack of romance, [i]show[/i] him what you want. 😎 If you treat your husband like a sex object and begin to treat yourself as someone who is a sexual person, you’re going to get better results than having “a talk”. 😕 It’s very easy to fall into a non-sexual relationship after years of marriage and the stress of finances, but you have to work your way out of it. There is no magic wand for relationship problems. Only recognition, awareness and doing your part to make a change. 🙂

I’ve written a book called Romantic Date Ideas and it’s designed to put the X back in your sex life. Here’s the link where you can get this book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. I think if you can take the initiative, and dial up your inner seductress, you’ll get your sex life back on track and your romantic life will follow. The reality is that men WANT to take care of their women, and your man has to be reminded that he’s, well, YOUR MAN! 😆 The best way for you to do this is not by showing him up in the office or having “a talk” with him where he’s going to end up feeling criticized for not doing what you want. While those may be ways that make you feel like you’re getting your point across, they’re only hurting the relationship, not helping it. 😳 The best way to make him feel like that man you married who wanted to do right by you is to remind him in the bedroom how important and special he is.

Don’t tell him about your fling with the ex-boyfriend. It’s only going to complicate the problem that really has nothing to do with this other guy. You made a mistake. The ex-boyfriend is committed to his own wife, and the reason you two never married is because there was never enough there. Now, you’re in a slump with your husband, and rather than look for the easy way out, you have to roll up your sleeves and honor your commitment. If you can get your romance back on track and muddle through your financial problems together, it sounds like your marriage will be rejuvenated.

I hope that this helps. Let me know how things go. And please join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you there. Here’s that link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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