[ilovehim]

ok so my boyfriend has alot of money or at least his family does mine however lives paycheck to paycheck. we dont lack any of the finer things but we dont have alot of extra spending money.well for Christmas my boyfriend spent 350$ on me and i spent only about a 100 on him. none of this bothers him he shows off the gift i got him (personalized dogtag necklace) but now we are going on a trip to chicago(maybe.. in my other post i state problems) and he wants to pay for me. it is around 375 a person i insist this is too much and that i can get the money(my dad appreciates trips for honors in my school and would gladly give me the money if he has enough time to earn it) but he said he is and to just have my dad sign the paper he will bring in the money. he has paid for every date except one which i had to beg him to let me pay for and agree to let him pay for where we went next(we went to the movies and i paid after the movies we went bowling he paid for us both and i didnt even bowl but that was the deal after bowling we walked over to a wendys and he bought us something to eat even though i had money still he paid) once when my baby cousin was in town i took her and my little sister to the movies and invited him to come and he agreed even though it was a little girls movie and…he paid for us all. i do like that he is so willing to splurge on me but in a way it bothers me. i love him with or without the money.i do have a job so i can buy my own things but he just seems happier buying it for me and wont let me. he is always asking to meet my parents and come over my house but i dont have a very nice house so i am embarrassed to bring him home. i know his ex gfs house was big and fancy but mine is small and older. i would love him even if i found out he lived in a dumpster and i mean it and he has told me the same thing but…i dont believe him. well anyways we are both 15 and what do you think i should do about this?

[AskApril Masini]

Sometimes people feel uncomfortable when there are big differences between them. This is especially true among teenagers, like yourself, who are super sensitive to fitting in with peers and groups. That said, your boyfriend probably likes that you are honest about your modest means, and that you are industrious in that you have a job. I’m sure he loves that you are thoughtful and buy him gifts at Christmas and other such holidays, but you need to ease up and understand that just as you are not responsible for your family’s modest means, neither is he for his family’s wealth.

Let him buy you things and pay for things, and you continue to buy what you can afford for him when it’s his birthday, on Valentine’s Day and other holidays. If you feel guilty about his spending his money on you, rather than fight about it on a date, you can offer to pack a picnic lunch for a park or beach date, or you can bake him cookies or do other things that are thoughtful and within your means.

The most important thing in your relationship is your feelings and the way you treat each other. It sounds like your differences are only financial, and if you can accept the disparity, and be gracious and honest, I don’t think there’s a problem with his being generous, as you’ve described.

[Member]

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