[blackninja]

Last friday, I was at a party with a lot of friends. My ex was there too. We broke up eight months ago and were together for nearly two years. It was her that initiated the break-up, but I had been considering it for a couple of weeks as well. Things had gotten a bit stale.

We have been keeping in contact since then, but not much. Usually just through an occasional Snapchat and a Facebook-message or two. I hadn t talked to her for like a month and a half, though.

So, at the party she approached me and we just talked about what was going on. We drank some wine and joked about old times.

We also agreed to go to a concert together, as we re the only ones we know who likes this band. As she said: “It d be weird to watch them with anyone but you.”

At some point, she hugged me. She then said she had forgotten how nice I smelled. She then looked at me and kissed me. I kissed back.

It wasn t some aunt-kissing, but more like a french kiss. My friends saw it and said it lasted for like five minutes.

After that, we biked into town and partied until we went home – alone, not with each other.

I haven t talked to her since. But should I? Is it a good idea to get things cleared up – or should I just let it slide?

We’ve done things together before since we broke up – we went to see a movie and went into town one day – but all of it was as friends. I was pretty sure it was gonna stay that way, but this really confused me.

Does it mean she still likes me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

A drunken kiss between exes at a party…. could mean something or nothing. The questions you have to ask yourself are: 1) Why did you break up and has anything changed that would want to make you get back together given the break up reasons and 2) Do you want to pursue this or just let it be a romantic moment that happened and doesn’t mean more than that?

If you want to pursue her, call and ask her out. If you want to let it be, that’s okay, too. Not every kiss has to lead something more. 😉 Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.

[blackninja]

[quote=”April Masini”]A drunken kiss between exes at a party…. could mean something or nothing. The questions you have to ask yourself are: 1) Why did you break up and has anything changed that would want to make you get back together given the break up reasons and 2) Do you want to pursue this or just let it be a romantic moment that happened and doesn’t mean more than that?

If you want to pursue her, call and ask her out. If you want to let it be, that’s okay, too. Not every kiss has to lead something more. 😉 Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.[/quote]

Maybe I would like to pursue her again – but I don’t want to make things awkward between us, as we’re still friends. Do you think from the way she reacts that I have a chance?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I do!

[Sally]

A kiss like that doesn’t come from nowhere.
It probably does mean she still feels something. You don’t forget how someone smells, say it’d be weird to see a band with anyone else, then make out for five minutes if there’s nothing there. At the same time, feelings don’t always mean she wants to get back together. Sometimes it’s nostalgia, comfort, or alcohol loosening old doors.

The real question is what you want. If you’re okay letting it be a moment, you can let it slide. But if this stirred things up for you, it’s better to talk than sit in confusion.
You don’t need a big emotional talk. Just honest. Hey, that kiss caught me off guard. What did it mean to you?
Clarity is kinder than guessing.

[Tara]

Yes, she still feels something, and no, that does not mean she wants to get back together or that this is going anywhere healthy. What happened at that party was not a grand romantic revelation; it was nostalgia mixed with alcohol, comfort, and familiarity. She approached you because you’re safe, familiar, and emotionally available. The kiss, the smell comment, the “it’d be weird to see them with anyone but you” line that’s her dipping her toes back into the emotional validation you used to provide, without committing to anything. Notice the most important part: after a five-minute kiss, she still went home alone and has made zero effort to follow up. That tells you everything.

This is classic ex behavior: keeping the door cracked open so she doesn’t fully lose you, while still enjoying her independence. She likes the connection, the chemistry, the ego boost, not the responsibility. If she actually wanted to reconcile, she would have contacted you immediately to talk about it. She didn’t. That means she’s fine letting you sit in confusion while she gets to feel desired and wanted without doing any emotional work. And if you chase clarity now, you’re playing directly into that dynamic.

don’t reach out “to clear things up.” There is nothing to clear up. She crossed a boundary, enjoyed it, and moved on. If you let this slide and continue the casual contact, you’re signing up to be her emotional backup, the guy she flirts with, kisses, reminisces with, but doesn’t choose. Either she comes to you clearly, sober, and directly saying she wants to try again, or you stop engaging in these half-romantic moments entirely. Anything else will keep you stuck, confused, and quietly hoping while she stays comfortably non-committal.

[Member]

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