[cuteprincess52]

I met my fiance’ in college but when we graduated we moved to different cities to pursue further studies. Within a year of being apart, we realized we really wanted to spend our lives together and he proposed. The distance is hard but we see each other around every 2 months. However, when we fight it always turns into a “let’s end the relationship” scenario. I knew this happened before we were engaged but it is very hurtful when he makes comments like that after we’ve committed to marriage. How do I know he won’t just threaten me with divorce after any fight after the wedding?
The most recent conflict was that he asked me to spend the summer with him but I got no call backs in his area and got a job offer in my city. I had considered going to him if I got no job and would complete an unpaid internship there, even though I am struggling to pay for school. But when I got the job in my city, not only was he not supportive – he tried to break up with me! He said he was going through a lot of stuff and the only thing that would have helped this summer would have been me coming to him for a few months, but I took that away. He said to focus on my studies and earning money for school and he will do the same so… we are done.
I don’t know what to do. Should I be fighting to keep him? How do I not let things get to this point? Am I being unreasonable in putting school before him until I graduate?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not mature enough to be in a relationship with you. This doesn’t mean he’s a bad person — he just wants things to go his way all the time, and he isn’t respectful or empathetic of your life. Some people never outgrow this. Some do. However, you’re correct to question his behavior in more difficult circumstances like marriage and divorce, having a sick kid, getting fired, having an accident. I’m sure there is a lot to love there, but your fiancé isn’t exhibiting behavior that makes him a compatible spouse and while love is grand, it’s not enough to sustain the day to day challenges of a relationship. You need more compatibility in this case. What you have won’t go the distance. You’re realizing that now. I’m happy to validate your concerns. Time to move on.

[Member]

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