[grayman75]

Ok, I need some help. My Girlfriend wants to go out with a friend that she used to date and just randomly met at a restaurant. They dated 10 years ago and were quite involved. She comes out of the blue and asks me if I have a problem with it. I feel out of respect of me she shouldn’t go out with an old flame even if he is a friend now. I know I wouldn’t do that to her. Are my feeling justified or should I just let her go?
Help

[joe2424]

Well, how long have you been dating her, and how strong is your relationship? Has she had infidelity problems in the past? I hear you on this one bud, why would she want to go in the first place? I would not like it either, but do you trust her? This IS how a lot of relationships get messed up, but at least she told you right? On the other hand, how is this guy a friend? A friend to me is someone I talk too, or hang out with all the time. So they run into each other at a restaraunt and now their BFF’s? What I would have liked her to tell him, is that she is with someone else now, and it wouldn’t be right. But, for the relationships sake, I would leave it up to her, and tell her your not comfortable with it, but she’s free to go as she pleases. No one wants to be told they are NOT going to do something, and it may want her to go even more. I would just sit back on this one, and let her make her own decision. If your feelings are important to her, then she’ll probably take a raincheck with this guy, and you’ll come out smelling like a rose.

[katdawg]

i think you’ll just have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. it was for me with my ex-boyfriend. he tends to have more female friends than male friends and thought it was appropriate to go out of town with this one in particular and go to the movies and dinner with her on a friday night. i expressed i was not comfortable with that and the response i got was that we weren’t even “together” yet so i had no right to be upset. well, lesson learned on my part – just because you have sex doesn’t mean there’s a full commitment to one another. we split up; it was a deal breaker for me. if you are a like me and just wants to have your feelings considered (and especially if she is your fiance….meaning you plan to spend the rest of your life with person….)you’ll have to consider is this the type of person you want to marry? someone who isn’t going to consider your feelings and put someone else before you? let no man turn us under. well…..i think she is letting someone do that. good luck to you! oh, two months later that ex contacted me again and well…..it’s a different story for me now. sigh…i just can’t seem to get a commitment. here’s a saying: you “get” what you “tolerate”.

[bp2206]

Personally I’d have a problem with this! I wouldn’t come out and say no way but like what was already said, if her feelings for you are true she will know this is not right to do. My opinion is even if you can trust her you can’t trust him. What are his intentions? Where is his GF or wife or ?????

[JesseKim]

You should trust her, and if you don’t then well there ya go. Give her a chance and I’m pretty sure if this firend made a move on her she’d say, “I’m engaged now, knock it off!”

[grayman75]

Well I let her go on the “DATE” with her friend. She wouldn’t bring it up but when I asked if she had a good time she said yes but she wouldn’t elaborate. Oh yeah she says since it’s her “friend” and she’s not attracted to him it’s not really a date. Should I ask what they talked about? Or what happened? Or is she hiding something not really keeping me informed?

[katdawg]

not even married and there are already problems. everyone is different..but i personally prefer honest and open communication – especially if you’re planning on spending a lifetime together (marriage), raising children (which requires a lot of communication and being on the same page about tons of subjects). personal preference and what you’re willing to tolerate. i understand how you’re feeling and wish you the best.

[tricia]

Trust your girlfriend. She won’t tell it to you if she has an intention to cheat you nor date that guy. You should be proud of her for being open on you. As a boyfriend, you have the right to stop her from meeting that old friend that she used to date

[Ask April Masini]

It’s a sign of how strong your relationship is that she came to you and asked you how you’d feel if she went out with an old boyfriend. She didn’t cheat on you. She didn’t make a demand of you. She asked you your feelings.

Your feelings are always justified. It’s fine to feel uncomfortable and a little threatened. And it’s fine for you to tell her. It’s also fine for her to want to see an old boyfriend, and for her not see him because she doesn’t want to upset you.

I think what’s confusing you here is that you want everyone to be happy, and in relationships, compromises and deals struck are often what makes them work in the long run. One way or another, one or both of you are going to feel uncomfortable and possibly anxious. But feelings are just that — feelings. You can’t live your life by them. You can acknowledge them, but your behavior is more important than your feelings.

So, given what you feel, you can tell her you’d rather she not see him, or you can tell her you’re not comfortable with it, but if it’s just this once, you’ll deal with it. You can also ask her if she thinks this is going to be a long term thing, and if this boyfriend is going to become part of her/your social circle or if it’s just this once. Or, you can tell her that you’d like to go with her to have dinner with him. Then again, she may hear your concern and decide it’s not worth upsetting you to get together with him.

[Marcus king]

Your feelings are completely justified. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable about your partner spending time one-on-one with someone they had a romantic past with, especially if it was serious. Wanting to protect the trust and emotional boundaries in your relationship doesn’t make you controlling it makes you aware and respectful of your own feelings.

That said, it’s also important to handle it carefully so it doesn’t turn into unnecessary conflict. You can calmly tell her how it makes you feel, without accusing her of anything, and suggest finding a compromise. For example, maybe meeting in a group setting, or being open about what the meeting is about, could ease your concerns.

It’s about balancing trust with your own comfort. If this situation really makes you uneasy, it’s okay to set a boundary but it’s best done with honest, calm communication rather than jealousy or anger.

[PassionSeeker]

Your feelings are completely justified and it’s good that you’re being honest about them rather than just suppressing how you feel. When a partner wants to reconnect one on one with someone they were once romantically involved with, it’s natural to feel uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy or insecurity it’s about respect and emotional boundaries.

That said, how you handle it matters. Calmly tell her why it bothers you that it’s not about control, but about maintaining mutual respect. If the situation were reversed, you wouldn’t do it because you’d want her to feel secure. That’s a fair and healthy boundary.

If her intentions are innocent, she should understand and be willing to compromise (for example, meeting in a group setting instead of one-on-one). But if she dismisses your feelings or insists it’s “no big deal,” that’s worth paying attention to not because of the guy, but because it signals how she values your comfort in the relationship.

So yes your feelings are valid. It’s not about forbidding her; it’s about mutual respect and trust that works both ways.

[Flirt Coach]

That kind of situation hits right in the gut not because you don’t trust her, but because it brushes up against that line between respect and boundaries. I’ve been down a road like that myself. My ex-wife stayed “friendly” with an old flame for a while, and at first, I told myself to be cool about it. But what I learned is, it’s not about jealousy. It’s about the kind of consideration that says, “I care about how this might make you feel.”

So yeah, your feelings are justified. You’re not being controlling, you’re just asking for the same respect you’d give her. When someone from the past especially someone they were close to reappears, it’s natural to feel uneasy. You don’t have to be okay with it just because she says it’s harmless.

That said, I’d try to keep the talk calm and honest. Don’t accuse, don’t demand just tell her what it feels like from your side. Something like, “I trust you, but I’ll be honest the idea of you spending time alone with someone you used to date makes me uncomfortable. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t do it because I wouldn’t want you feeling that way.”

How she reacts will tell you a lot. If she gets defensive or brushes off your feelings, that’s not a good sign. But if she listens and says, “I get that, I didn’t think of it that way,” then you’ve got a relationship built on mutual respect.

[Ethan Morales]

Your gut feeling is right. You’re noticing red flags: financial instability, alcohol use, moodiness, lack of responsibility with his own children, and disrespect in communication. These are all serious concerns, and your instincts are picking up on the fact that this relationship is not a safe or healthy foundation for the future you want.

He’s showing immaturity and emotional volatility. From hanging up on you when you try to express concerns, to dismissing your feelings and telling you what to do, he is demonstrating controlling and reactive behavior. That kind of pattern is unlikely to improve quickly and is a major risk for emotional stress.

Financial and family stability matters. You’re looking for security while finishing school and thinking about having a child. He isn’t financially stable, and he struggles to prioritize his own children’s needs. Bringing a new child into that scenario would be highly risky for your emotional and practical well-being.

Actions vs. intentions. He says he wants stability and a future with you, but his actions drinking excessively, being rude to waitstaff, letting obligations slide show a lack of follow-through. Actions always outweigh words when assessing someone’s suitability as a partner.

Your priorities are valid. Wanting emotional security, financial stability, and a responsible partner is not unreasonable. Staying in this relationship will likely create more stress and disappointment, not the supportive partnership you deserve.

Letting go is the healthiest choice. This is hard, and it’s normal to feel sad, but walking away will protect your future, your emotional well-being, and your ability to build a stable life and family.

End contact with him in a clear, firm, but polite way. Focus on finishing school, your career, and building independence. Spend time with supportive friends and family. Reflect on what you want in a partner someone emotionally mature, responsible, and supportive.

You are right to trust your gut. This relationship is not aligned with the life you want, and stepping away now prevents deeper entanglement and heartbreak later.

If you want, I can outline a step-by-step plan to gracefully detach while managing your emotions and guilt, so you can move forward confidently. Do you want me to do that?

[Isabella Jones]

can completely understand why this makes you uncomfortable. When someone you love wants to spend time with an old flame, even if it’s “just as friends,” it stirs something deep inside. You’re not being controlling or insecure for feeling that way—it’s about respect and emotional boundaries. If the roles were reversed, you’d think twice before doing something that might hurt her, and that shows maturity and care.

It might help to talk to her calmly about why it bothers you, instead of just saying it does. Let her see that it’s not about jealousy, but about wanting to feel secure and valued in your relationship. 💛 I once dated someone who kept a close friendship with his ex, and what really mattered wasn’t the friendship—it was how transparent he was with me about it.

Do you think she’s aware that her decision might make you question where her priorities really are?

[Tara]

Tell her plainly you don’t forbid it, but you don’t tolerate it either. If she still goes, believe her actions. Loyalty isn’t proved in words, it’s proved in what someone refuses to risk.

Your feelings are absolutely justified. Let’s not sugarcoat this; it’s inappropriate. When you’re engaged, you don’t grab coffee with someone you used to sleep with and call it friendly. That’s not trust, that’s testing boundaries.

She didn’t just want to hang out. She wanted permission to see how far she could go without consequence. The fact that she asked tells you she already knew it was a problem. If the roles were reversed, she’d lose her mind, and you know it.

This isn’t about jealousy. It’s about respect. Relationships die in small doses; one innocent lunch, one friendly text, one “it’s not a big deal.” If she’s serious about marrying you, she should act like it.

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