[Rosie1214]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. We started dating as juniors at the same high school and now we are sophomores at the same college. We have both never dated or had physical relationships with anybody outside of eachother; we are each others first everything. The first two years of our relationship seemed so perfect, we were so struck in love and constantly showed each other that. But once we entered collage, something changed in me. I became overwhelmed by all the new people around me and afraid that I was somehow missing out on something. It’s not that I have a specific desire to be with other guys or anything, I just became scared at the idea of spending the rest of my life with one person when I have never experienced anything outside of that. I openly talked to my boyfriend about these fears and he was extremely hurt. He didn’t understand because he didn’t have the same fear at all. Flash forward a year and we are still together. We decided to try and work through things but I often still have this doubt in the back of my mind. Our relationship has also changed because of the pain I caused my boyfriend with my uncertainty. We aren’t as romantic with each other and our relationship feels a lot more casual than it once did. We both still love each other a lot and the idea of losing him from my life is terrifying to me. But I also fear that my uncertainty will never go away and I will be unable to fully invest myself with out any doubts. I’m not ready to lose him because I still care so much but I’m also afraid that I might be (I hate this term, but “stringing him along”) if I’m still so conflicted. I don’t have a specific question but rather just hoping for advice on the whole situation. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your experience and your feelings are normal. And…. very few people end up marrying their first boyfriends or girlfriends. In other words, your first love is important, but it’s normal for it to not be your last love. That said, it’s very difficult to break up with someone you are not fighting with, or who hasn’t treated you badly. When there’s no drama to signal a problem, it’s very difficult to give up the good for what may be out there for you. Usually a fight or bad behavior is a flashing red light that it’s time to go. Your flashing light is yellow, and your interest in moving on has to do with your instinct that while you love your boyfriend — and probably always will — you’d like to experience more of life. He didn’t do anything wrong, but you’re you, and you have an idea of what you’d like for yourself and your life, and it’s different than what he wants for his life.

[Member]

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