[Anonymous]

Hello. Thanks for listening.

I have a problem, or problems, that have been bugging me for quite a while. I’m once divorced and remarried. My first wife and I, who I spent 9 years with, are still friends and talk occasionally, about once every few months, birthdays, life events, even our divorce anniversary. My current wife does not appreciate this. Any time my ex send me an email checking up on me or saying hi, my wife goes crazy and says she’s trying to sleep with me. I have no feelings towards my first wife in that regard, and because we spent so much of our lives together, appreciate the friendship and the conversation we have, even though I’ve had to cut those down to being almost nonexistent. She has forced me to lose all the friends I had when we met, and I’m not allowed to talk or even look at other women. It has come to a point where I am afraid to talk to anyone else, or even look at anyone walking while we’re out.

Here’s where it gets interesting. Since I’ve known my current wife, she’s made out with several men, once while we were married but having an argument. Also, she chats with her ex, who changed religion for her, every couple of days. My wife is a good looking woman, and gets a lot of looks and men hitting on her. Most of her friends have always been men, and almost always end up with them trying to get her into bed. She doesn’t realize this until after the final move they pull, which she then states yeah, he’s a douche, but then usually finds another male “replacement” friend within a week or two. Same deal, over and over.

When we go out, she’s constantly texting or chatting with friends, or talking to them on her phone, while I stand to the side feeling like I shouldn’t even be there. When she wants to go out, it ends up always being with her friends, and I end feeling like a third wheel.

Recently, when we went to a party, the guy she had made out with a few weeks earlier was there, and constantly following her around, getting her a beer, etc. When I told my wife I wanted to leave, she told me she wanted to stay. She was quite drunk by that time. When I told her this, and that we should both go, she made a big scene, but finally left with me. During the ride home, she constantly tried to get out of the vehicle to go back to the party, and once we arrived home, tried to go back as well, and I had to physically restrain her so she wouldn’t drive drunk. She’s not much of a drinker, so a couple drinks hit her real hard. I was hoping once she slept and sobered up she’d realize how much she hurt me, but continued to blame me for not letting her be with her friends.

So much for the background. What do I do? I’m not allowed to have any friends around her unless she approves them, and they’re usually guys that want to get with her. She continues to have her male friends, and go out, with or without me, to party with her friends. I don’t respond to any of my ex’s emails or texts, even though she says I can, because it becomes an excuse to blame me for…I’m not sure what. So, I’m friendless, with a wife who won’t let me speak to anyone. I feel like I’m locked in a closet while she spends her time engaging in a social life I’m not a part of. Is this a doomed relationship to begin with?

[dardar]

Reminds me of my previous relationship. I think it’s a thing with pretty women? My ex literally forced me not to have any friends from the opposite sex, believe me not even one. She’d flip and fight when my ex sent me a friend invitation on facebook (which she managed to make me decline by putting up a small fight), or when I talk to my friend very decent(no flirting), or the time when i told a childhood she-friend of mine that she resembles a movie actress… So basically they want us to have no connection with the opposite sex while if we look at their phone book or facebook they’d have almost all the men in the world as their buddies.

I once asked her how is it fair that I have 0 friends from the opposite sex while she has a trillion friends and more new guys everyday, and how is that we’ll have a crazy argument when i talk to a girl infront of her only for a min but she’d talk to her friend (who claimed to have feelings for her) for 15 mins while we’re on a date….. and she replied “Honey, It is me that is jealous of you having friends from the opposite sex, but u r not jealous of me right? So I can have friends, but you shouldn’t, these women are dirty and they’ll spoil you” I found it really silly….

I thought it was because they have trust issue. I had never given her any reason to not trust me, still haven’t. But i think thats the she-nature. I think the only solution to you i am afraid is.. You’ve digested it so far… just a lil longer, Live with it. You can’t reason with her and make her understand, neither can you convince her that you can be friends with your ex. It’ll be hard specially with her being very attractive and all the other men singing “you-are-so-cute-you-deserve-better-than-him” songs in her ears constantly that any strong movement on your side against her wish would make her believe in those songs. I mean if she was any smart/mature not to believe them they’d be mature enough to understand that you are a good man and that u need to have ur friends circle too. right?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How long have you been married to your second wife? How long did you date before you married her? Has her behavior changed at all or has she always been like this?

[Member]

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