It sound like you’re saying that you’re upset because you found out she was dating other guys before you and she didn’t tell you about them — you’ve had to find out on your own and now you feel that you can’t trust her because she wasn’t forthcoming with her dating history.
The complication here is that she got pregnant during the first month the two of you were dating, and now, she’s going to have a baby in month 9 of your dating. Normally, you’d use the first three months of dating someone to even decide if you want to continue dating them, and the second three months of dating to decide if you want to be monogamous. Because of the pregnancy, it sounds like you want the relationship to be monogamous and committed right now, so you can raise this baby together as a family of sorts — and that caused the relationship clock to be sped up, and your anxiety to sky rocket. 😕 You’re trying to have a committed relationship with a baby on the way with someone you don’t know that well, and don’t like everything you’re learning about her.
My advice is to take the pressure off of the relationship. This isn’t a perfect situation, and you’re feeling out of control and to regain that control, you’re trying to control her history and who her friends are — instead of your own life choices. The pressure you’re putting on yourself to make the relationship work in a particular way is going to fail because the two of you are different. Relationships work because there’s commonality, compromise and shared goals. You haven’t mentioned what she wants, or what you want in terms of the baby, and it’s time to decide. Focus on your being a parent and your co-parenting with her. You can’t forget the things about her you don’t like and trying to forget them won’t work — but you can prioritize what’s important here, and you can work around what you don’t like. 🙂 Her past dating history probably won’t affect the baby, and you haven’t mentioned what you feel her friend will do to harm the baby — so they may not be all that important. She’s not perfect, and neither are you, but you have choices and you’re going to have opportunities to make a lot, quickly, with the baby’s birth.
You may want to have a paternity test when the baby is born, and you may want to decide to live together, accepting who she is, and even get married. Or, you may decide that’s you prefer living separately, and having visitation and a custody schedule for a more formal parenting construct if the two of you don’t see eye to eye on things.
If you write back, let me know how old you both are and if you’re living together or plan to. And of course, let me know if you have any more questions. 😀 I hope this helps.
