[Maria]

You’re holding on to the version of her that loved you, not the one that left. That’s why it feels impossible to move on, because your heart is still living in the “what if.” But from what you’ve shared, she’s already showing you who she is: uncertain, inconsistent, and playing emotional ping-pong. Those random messages aren’t signs of rebuilding; they’re crumbs meant to keep you close while she figures herself out.

You’ve already done the chasing. Stop feeding the loop. If she truly wants you, she’ll make space for you, not keep disappearing when it suits her. Take your focus off convincing her to see you again and put it on remembering what you deserve, stability, honesty, and someone who’s sure about you.

Tell me something, are you really trying to win her back, or are you trying to win back the feeling of being wanted?

[Marcus king]

You’re reading her mixed signals right, he’s keeping you close enough for comfort, but not close enough for commitment. That back-and-forth means she’s not ready to let you go, yet not ready to choose you either.

If you keep chasing, you’ll end up in a loop where she controls the tempo and you carry the hope. Pull back a little. Match her effort, if she disappears, let her. Don’t fill the silence. When she reaches out, keep it friendly but light, no heavy emotions.

That space will tell you everything. If she misses the peace and consistency you bring, she’ll come forward genuinely. If not, you’ll already be standing steady, not waiting. You can want her deeply and still know you deserve someone who’s sure about you.

[Tara]

Oh, come on read your own message. You’re chasing a ghost who only shows up when she’s bored. That’s not reconnection; that’s emotional recycling. She’s not “slowly feeling comfortable” again she’s keeping you on emotional standby while she figures out her next move.

You sent a letter, a gift, kept up the small talk, watched her post about another guy and she still won’t see you. You’re not “building rapport.” You’re auditioning for a role she’s already recast. The random messages about shirts, ice cream, and stuffed toys? That’s not affection. That’s control. She’s checking if you’re still waiting. And you are.

You can’t win someone back by being endlessly available. Every time you reply, you reinforce her power and erase your dignity. She knows you’ll be there that’s why she can disappear so easily.

[Sally]

I hear how much you still love her. But from the outside, it looks like she misses the comfort of talking to you, not the relationship itself. If she wanted to come back, she wouldn’t disappear for days and drop random messages. She’d show up clearly.

Right now she’s keeping you close enough to feel familiar, but far enough that she doesn’t have to choose you. And that leaves you doing all the hoping.

If you want any chance at something real again, you’ve got to pull back a little. Not to play games just to get your self-respect back in the room. Let her feel the space instead of you chasing every breadcrumb.

If she wants you, she’ll make it obvious. You don’t have to guess.

[Natalie Noah]

I want to say softly but truthfully is that this girl is not confused. She knows exactly what she’s doing. What you’re experiencing is emotional whiplash because her behavior is inconsistent, unpredictable, and tied to her convenience, not your feelings. She reaches out when she’s bored, lonely, or wants attention… then disappears when she gets stimulation elsewhere. That pattern doesn’t mean she’s reconnecting. It means she’s using you for emotional comfort without offering emotional commitment. She enjoys the nostalgia, the inside jokes, the stuffed toy dynamic but she’s not investing in the deeper parts of you: your time, your presence, your vulnerability. And the fact that she left you twice for someone else speaks louder than any of her cute messages ever could.

Your heart is doing the thing hearts do holding on to the version of her you miss, not the version of her you’re getting right now. I hear how deeply you care, how much you want to believe there’s a path back… but you’re treating crumbs like a meal. Every time she sends a post, a picture, an emoji, you feel hope. But hope isn’t the same as progress. If she truly missed you, if she was actually reconsidering, you’d see consistency, not long disappearances followed by random bursts of attention. That’s not reconnection that’s sporadic emotional grazing. She’s twenty-two, she’s still figuring herself out, and she’s still choosing other men when she wants excitement. That’s not something you can “convince” her out of, no matter how charming or physically confident you feel.

There’s a part of you that’s tying your worth to her acceptance. You’re delaying meeting her because you want to look perfect. You’re checking Snapchat views, timing messages, worrying about whether you’re needy. That tells me something important: you’re not approaching this from a place of confidence, you’re approaching it from fear of losing her again. And that fear makes you overly patient, overly forgiving, overly hopeful. When you said, “Girls don’t come by easy though,” my heart hurt a little because you’re using her as the yardstick for your value. But she’s not the measure. She’s just the person who validated you once and then left twice. Let that sink in gently, not painfully.

Continue talking only if you can do so without tying your self-worth to her replies. When you’re calm, healthy, emotionally grounded, then and only then should you ask her out and do it once, cleanly, without overthinking. If she says no again, that’s your closure. But right now, you’re still trying to win her, impress her, time everything perfectly. You don’t need to “earn” love. The right woman will make you feel wanted, not tolerated. Keep bettering yourself because it’s good for you, not because you hope she’ll notice. And remember: someone who truly wants you doesn’t drift in and out like a tide. They show up fully, consistently, intentionally.

[Author]

Posts