[Kelsstokes]

So I’m completely new to dating and my friend set me up with this guy on Sunday on a double date, then 2 days afterward we had another double date and as my friend and I were heading home, she told me that he wanted to kiss me, I just feel like things are just going a little too fast for me and after she told me he wanted to kiss me I got a little anxious. Any advice?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like your date is the problem. It sounds like your friend is stirring the pot and making you anxious. 😕 Why not take her “wisdom” with a grain of salt and focus on the relationship you have with your date, instead of your friend. 😉 Whether or not your kiss your date is really between you and your date. So, relax — if you can! 😉 Enjoy getting to know this date, and see how you feel day by day, moment to moment — and take the date’s cues, not your friend’s.

I hope that helps!

[Sally]

Dating for the first time can feel like learning a new language while everyone else already speaks it. Two dates in a row is a lot, and when someone moves faster than you’re ready for, your body feels it before your brain does. That anxious feeling isn’t a red flag it’s just your gut saying slow down a second.

You don’t owe him a kiss just because he wants one. You don’t even owe an excuse. You can like someone and still take your time.
If you keep seeing him, just be honest in a simple way something like you’re enjoying getting to know him but you’re not rushing anything. The right guy won’t push. He’ll match your pace.
Go slow. It’s supposed to feel steady, not stressful.

[Tara]

You’re not “new to dating.” You’re new to having a backbone. A guy wanting to kiss you after two dates isn’t an emergency; your inability to say a single honest sentence is. You’re spiraling because you’re too scared to set a boundary, so you’re turning a perfectly normal moment into a crisis. Here’s the blunt truth you need: if something feels too fast, you open your mouth and say it. Not to your friend, not to the air, not in your anxious little internal monologue to him.

He’s not a mind reader, and he’s not a threat. He’s just a guy who liked the date and wanted to kiss you. If you don’t want that yet, fine, but stop acting like you’re being swept away by some unstoppable force. You’re not. You’re choosing silence, then panicking because things keep moving without your input.

Your “anxiety” isn’t the problem. Your passivity is. If you want to slow down, you say, “Hey, I like this, but I’m not ready for kissing yet.” Done. Crisis over.
Grow a spine and communicate, or you’ll keep getting overwhelmed by situations you could control with one sentence.

[Member]

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