[Tech_Guy]

I’m 46. He’s 27. He’s the perfect guy accept for the age difference, our educational differences and, less importantly, his weight. My kids and family love him and get along with him. He’s independent, responsible, compassionate, funny, but I don’t feel like I’m completely “in love” with him. He loves me fiercly. I don’t know what to do.

I should mention that we are a gay couple. Both of us are pretty conservative, appear to be straight and live in the suburbs. It’s extremely difficult to find anyone of his character and i’m afraid of losing that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The answer is to give it time. You didn’t mention how long you’ve been together, but it sounds like you have to decide if you’re ready to settle down and to settle for what you’ve got. EVERYBODY realizes at some point in their loss of innocence, that there is no PERFECT person for them, but there are lots of people who are GREAT for them. There’s no quantitative math equation to answer the question of compatibility, so you have to gauge if you’re going to be more upset letting him go or more upset settling for what you have.

Let me know if that helps, and if not, give me some more information that may help me help you. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[Tech_Guy]

We’ve been together for a year and a half (two years in November). I actually broke up with him last summer because i couldn’t handle our age difference. Then I felt like I made a mistake. I’m a pretty stable guy with a good income, job stability and a nice home. I’ve suffered from depression for years but, since we’ve been together, I’m not as depressed. When I get depressed, I bounce out of it fairly quickly. Both of us are pretty independent, get along well (lots of laughter) and compliment each other in our abilities.

I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining. I’m 46 with a young guy that loves me. But some days I don’t feel anything for him. I’m afraid to let go of the relationship because I don’t think I can find anyone better, who has the qualities and character he has. I also don’t want to be alone and i feel that no one else wants me. Is that settling?

He tells me all the time he’s happy I have low-self esteem because if I knew how attractive I was I’d go find someone else. I realize I’m not unattractive, but I’ve dated attractive guys in the past that ultimately only wanted sex. That’s not my scene. I’m a family man with pretty strong values.

Is there such a thing as true love? Is it unreasonable to want to find someone closer to my age, income and education level that is also attractive and has all of his qualities? Is it unreasonable to want to have butterflies with someone you love?

I’m feeling unfulfilled in the relationship and I don’t know what to do.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I feel like you want me to give you permission to break up with him, but you’re also looking for an insurance policy that will assure you don’t have to be alone, and that you’ll find someone else. Well, sorry! The woman with the phony crystal ball is probably on some other website.

My advice to give it time was written before I knew you’d been dating for a year and a half — which is enough time for you to know if this is someone you want to invest your future in or not. You’re uncertain; you’re on the fence about it — and you’re there partly because you’re afraid you won’t meet someone better.

Since you’ve been together as long as you have, and you felt compelled to write me again, I think you should probably see what else is out there. I don’t think it’s just the age difference that’s the problem. I think you’re not compatible enough, given who you are.

I hope that helps!

[Member]

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