[Anonymous]

Okay heres the deal. I met this guy at work 8yrs ago. it started out as a booty call. then 6 yrs ago we had our 1st child. then 4 yrs ago we had a set of twins. he wasnt there for me for the preg. he wanted them adopted out. sum it up i was a brat and he was a jerk. we did keep seeing each other. he wanted to keep us a secret. he has a repatuation to uphold being a christain. his co workers his family his friends didnt and still dont know about me or the kids except his family. but i am not allowed to talk to them. now things are different we are getting along better. i live 1 hour away from him. he comes up every few weekends. his vacation time he comes and stays with us. we are not together. he knows i love him. but he says he likes me. thats all. he pushes me away most of the time when i want to be physical with him playing the card that its a sin. but then he looks and makes comments in front of me about other females. i snooped in his stuff and found out he has most all firends that are girls and i dont know if they are more then friends. he doesnt have a car so i pick him up but i cant in front of his house its always down the street. he isnt living with a female. he lives with his mom. i cant pick him up at work. my question is when should i stop hoping. to be with him. he gives me money when i need it. he is always buying me stuff. and the kids. hes the sweetest guy ever when he is around. tell me is he into me? or should i just forget him? will he come around and be with me and the kids or just call it off. should i play hard to get when he wants sex? help what do i do. i love him but its really killing me?

[AskApril Masini]

Wow. You’re really in denial. 🙁

This guy is not into you. He’s never going to come around. You should stop wondering about playing hard to get with him — what you should start focusing on is how you’re going to make a life for yourself and your children that is responsible, respectful (of yourself!) and productive. This is going to call for some MAJOR changes in your life. But since you wrote me, I suspect you’re up to the job. 🙂

You’ve wasted way too much time on a guy who’s a loser. What you need to do now is step up to the plate as a mother. You need to file with your court for child support for all three of your children (his buying you and the kids stuff keeps you dependent on him). Get a custody schedule that allows the children’s father to have visitation and/or custody of them at scheduled times. They can spend every other weekend with their dad, even if he’s living with his mother — at their grandmother’s house. The children have a right to know their father and grandparents, and it’s your responsibility as their mother to help them get their rights enforced. You also will do well to rejuvenate while your kids are visiting their dad. You need the break!

Then you need to get a job since your children are old enough for school and pre-school. Set an example for your children by showing them that you can take care of yourself and are self-respecting. They are not too young to be watching, listening and learning to model their own behavior on you. Everybody makes mistakes — but [i]how [/i]each person corrects those setbacks separates the men from the boys! You need to step up to the plate.

Once you get your family life in order, and I understand that what I’ve just advised is a LOT of work, you can start dating! But before you do, please buy and read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that you can download here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. This book will help you figure out what Mr. Right looks like (because I think you’ve found yourself the exact opposite in your current man), and how to get him and keep him!

I hope this helps — please feel free to ask me for more help along the way. I’d love to see you and your children healthy and happy in every way. The first step to that goal is getting yourself together. Lose your guy, and you’ll be on your way! 🙂

[Member]

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