[Anonymous]

I have the most horrible situation…for the past 2 years. I am in a relationship but have feelings for someone else. I keep telling myself to let go & I know I would never cheat and it’s not worth ending this relationship just in case things might work out with the other person….but GOD the feelings never go away & the thoughts of how if we were together I would never get enough. Where I feel like the relationship I’m in right now is good, stable, a decent amount of fun and passion…well-rounded….

This is what happened. When I met “John” the person I have feelings for, I was fresh out of another relationship, and I thought we were just going to be friends. However things started happening between us, and he wanted to start dating but I wasn’t sure…then my ex convinced me to get back together with him. After we got back together I didn’t feel the same & kept thinking about John. It was a problem but it seemed simple to me….if you have feelings for someone else you shouldn’t be in a relationship cuz its not fair to you or the person youre in the relationship with. So I ended it and started dating John again, who was happy I changed my mind for him. Then I was still friends with the ex and he started getting all crazy and convinced me yet AGAIN to get back with him…so this time John was pissedddddd. But still had feelings for me. I ended up breaking up with the guy again, but bby that time me & John were no longer on good terms. I reallyyyyy reallly liked him but when I told him he said that doesn’t change anything I’m pissed. But then we talked & ended up hooking up a few more times before he decided to be a STRAIGHT UP asshole. Ignored me & when I asked why he said he couldn’t be in a relationship right now blablabla…I told him I really wanted to be with him but if he was going to be a douchebag I wasn’t going to sit around and wait like an idiot…then when I started dating he would talk shit or talk to me about it. Eventually I met someone (the person I’m with now) and we have been together almost 2 years. Me & John lost contact for a while because he was dating someone as well. Then he started talking to me maybe 6 months later even though he still had a girlfriend and apologizing and flirting & being all nice. We’ve had a few conversations about feeling like we’re missing out but usually he just asks if I still have a boyfriend & how thats going…

I still think about him a lot & these conversations are sporatic but I can’t live like this!!
Do you ladies think it will ever go away!?
If so do you know how to get it to!?
Would it be worth taking the chance, throwing away the beautiful loving relationship I have with my boyfriend who I share an apartment with? Because I do feel like I’m mentally cheating…you shouldn’t be secretly hoping something will go wrong with your relationship so you can see what its like with someone else….but wouldn’t it be like the most evil thing in the world to end this relationship NOW after so much???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are all of you?

[ayla]

I am experiencing the same phenomenon…I keep dreaming and thinking about someone else that I really care for and wonder the same thing. I am 38. I just got engaged and I am beginning to think that if things were going well in my relationship, then I wouldn’t be thinking about someone else. I don’t even know if the other person and I would even get together. I stopped all contact with him and told him I need to focus on my relationship I am in…that its too hard to even just have a friendship with him…he respects my decision.

I made that decision because I am the kind of person that would not leave someone for someone else…but, I understand your intense feelings…its like a little tap in the brain when things aren’t going so hot and the illusion of having a better relationship with someone else is just lurking there…

At the same time, I am engaged and am trying to figure out if its right or not…but, I decided to let that other person go so that I am not focusing on what it could be IF…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[b]Ayla, [/b]you’re doing a lot right. For instance, you’ve decided what you want: a monogamous relationship with your fiance. Then you’ve taken a step towards making that an easier goal by eliminating contact with the object of your distraction.

There are lots of distractions in life and many, many long term marriages and monogamous relationships survive the ups and downs of feelings and the ups and downs of relationships. Just because you get married doesn’t mean you’re going to stop being attractive or finding other people attractive, but if you do want to marry decide if the commitment you’re about to make is one you’re ready for. Think about what marriage means to you and to your fiance and if you’ll both be able to appreciate, but overlook the distractions that come your way over the rest of your life.

I hope that helps.

Please join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s the link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts