[Lojik989]

Hey all,

I have been dating my long distance girlfriend from Hong Kong for a year and a half now, and I have a strange gut feeling that her “guy friends” are more than her friends, and more like other options by the way she acts when I bring them up. She wont add me to her personal school facebook profile, and says the reason why, is that she doesnt want people to find out from her school and make fun of me.
Also, everytime I have a girl thats a friend, she automatically hates them, calls them ugly, and gets very jealout of all of them, yet she actually compliments her guy friends saying to me that there quite good looking, and that they only just friends, yet she got really really mad when I added them on facebook. I know I might be a bit paranoid, its just that weve been dating for a year and a half, and she wants to come to america for univ after highschool next year. I dont want to waist my time if she is playing me, but everytime I confront her, she freaks out gets completey iritated with me, and says well if you dont like me then breakup with me. Coud she just be stressed with exams, school, and work, or does this sound a bit odd to anyone else out there.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Long distance relationships are challenging because you’re just not there with any regularity to see what her life is really like — and vice versa. If you want to keep a long distance relationship going, then you have to be willing to cut the other person some slack. But you also have to know what your limits are. Since the two of you are in high school, it’s hard to imagine either one of you wanting to date in real life, and not having the opportunity to do so because you’re committed to someone in another country who you only see….. a certain number of times a year. (How often do you actually see her?)

It sounds like she’s trying to keep her options open by keeping you as a long distance boyfriend, but possibly exploring other options, too. When you say you don’t want to waste your time by going to university in her country if she’s dating other people, there may be a miscommunication between the two of you. You’re only wasting time if you have an expectation of the outcome of this relationship — and it isn’t clear from your post that the two of you both have this expected outcome. It sounds like you only want to go to university in her country if she’s committed and monogamous with you, and she wants to date you in real life to find out if she can be committed and monogamous with you.

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