[carinefernando]

Dearest Miss April,

You probably read this a few times before…

I need your precious advice, i’m friends with this sweet caring guy for a few months now, we both live and work in the same place and yes i’m one of those dedicated friends who’s ready to help with anything… with that we got closer to the point of kissing once, aware that he has a girlfriend, i made it clear that it was a spur of the moment act and it can’t happen again he told me he thinks his in love with me.. but i couldnt say the same because i felt it was too soon to be sure of that and i am seeing other guys aswell a few days ago he went home for holidays and recently his girlfriend texts me asking me questions about my age and what kind of relationship i have with him… because she saw his phone and we chat alot but its always sweet friendly conversations it was the first time i spoke to her, she told me they are getting married soon and since they have a distant relationship its hard for her and she wanted to quit this relationship because she thought he was cheating on her with me. she asked me not to tell him that she texted me. i said i knew about her and i insisted we are just friends, and she can’t quit because he really likes her and i know all about them but i honestly dont know, i had no idea they’re getting married! i didnt know it was as serious as the way she describes… i dont want to be the reason they break up. I think he likes me but we dont have a future together and she is probably expecting i should get away from him… its her right, she is the girlfriend, for his happiness i can back away but i don’t know how because i dont want to hurt him.

she still keeps on texting me, asking me if he told me anything about her and saying “maybe i am placing you in a complicated situation, but please try to understand my side”

should i ignore her or speak to her and answer her anything she wants to know i feel like helping her but i fear she starts to harass me or makes me feel guilty because i don’t know her…

please please lighten my burden April 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, you shouldn’t talk to her any more. She’s creating drama, and no good will come of this for you. You’re not helping her by gossiping to her about her boyfriend, withholding the fact that he told you he’s in love with you, and withholding all this from him. (Pretty exhausting just thinking about all that!) If you keep talking to her, this is going to ratchet up into high drama! So, know that you’re doing the right thing by telling her that you’re sorry for her problems, but you’re not comfortable talking to her and you wish her well, and then just say good bye and hang up, and don’t communicate with her any more. Nothing good will come from a relationship with her for you.

As for your and this guy, he’s not your friend. If he was, you’d be honest with him about the conversations you’re having with his girlfriend and her marriage plans with him. 😉 Friends are honest with each other. And, since he’s told you he thinks he’s in love with you, you have to understand that that’s not something friends do or say to each other. And the kiss — friends don’t kiss each other. If you do want to date him then you should flirt with him and see if he’ll ask you out, then go and allow a dating relationship to unfold so you can get to know each other that way, but — if you don’t want to date him, then you should move on and not confuse yourself with what you think is a friendship with him, but isn’t. Imagine what will happen if one of these other guys your dating becomes serious about you and finds out you have a “friend” who thinks he’s in love with you and almost kissed you — he’s not going to like it. So extricate yourself from that potential drama by clarifying the relationship you have with this guy, too. 😉

I hope that helps! 😉

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[carinefernando]

thank you

i will do as you say, tell her that i’m sorry for her problems, but i am
not comfortable talking to her and i wish both of them the best of luck.

i think that is something she has to talk to her boyfriend and not me, dont you agree ?

as for telling him the truth about his girlfriend, i honestly feel like doing that because if i have to move on that means i will have to distance myself from him and i would want to give him a good reason for doing that, i dont want to ignore him just like that but she asked me alot not to tell him about her and that might get them into problems. should i talk to him?

i like him… and after your kind reply, i realised i like him more than just a friend but i am not willing to risk breaking up a possible happy future they might have just for a fling between us.

hmm any more advises … please 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

As for giving him a good reason to distance himself from you — what this other woman told you about her feelings for him, as the reason he might distance himself from you — should really be about you and him, not another woman. Leave her out of the equation altogether. It’s just going to increase confusion and drama.

You might learn a lot by reading [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], the book I wrote for women who want to win the dating game! 😉 Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 😀

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[carinefernando]

Dearest Miss April,

Hi again, Its not exactly heart breaking, but it just wont get off my mind and i thought i need some advice im certain i will follow

Back to my friend… i have to admit we both felt attracted to each other kissed once but never dated. he never told me he was getting married when they where about to get married his girlfriend “now his wife” asked me to stay away from her husband or she would quit this wedding and asked me not to tell him she spoke to me. i did what i learned from you, treat her the way i expect to be treated in a situation like that. I didnt think we could actually stay together so i kept my distance and never mentioned anything to him.

So they got married and now he is back, i couldnt speak to him about his wife, i was afraid it would get them into more problemas,he figured things out about his wife calling me and apologised for his wife’s behaviour, explaining to me they where not supposed to get married, it was a last minute decision and a very complicated one.

since then things have been strange, our relationship changed its not like how it was before, i miss talking to him everyday, i miss going out with him and hug him when ever i feel like. He still insists on seeing me but i always come up with an excuse because i know its not easy for him to have a friend like me and i don’t want to do something we regret later on.
But i honestly cant say away from him. I feel this urgent need to make him jealous with any friend i have and to get his attention at all times, i feel lonely and sad maybe because i am not dating anyone at the moment.

I think we can continue being friends like old times but its not going to be easy because:
– His wife is very manipulative and will do anything to keep us apart, like telling him i said things that i never actually said, and so far he preety much has a wrong idea about how i dealt with her, and i never had a chance to explain to him what exacty happened between me and his wife.
– we both feel attracted to each other, that calls for problems.
– its not a friendly honest relationship and it hurts more than i thought it would.

He says he is not happy yet they have been together for 6 years, part of this unhappiness i am guessing is because of me. as he once told me after meeting me, he fell in love with me and things changed with them.

He was very dishonest to me and her and so was i because i didnt tell him about his wife speaking to me, i was afraid it would make things worst but once again as you once wrote, friends should be honest with each other. i guess i forgive him for not telling me about how serious it was and later on his marriage, because i know deep down he did what a guy in love would do. he knew as soon as i found out things would change and they did.

I feel like he was the one who put an end through things by getting married. I know i’m not the victim in this story and all the while aware he had a girlfriend fooling myself by believing we are just friends. after all he was in love with me, i wasnt and he had to move on.

So why do i feel like i was dumped? Oh miss april, should i be friends with him or move on even though i’m not ready for that? if i have to move on any advice in how i should do it without hurting ?

Eager to hear from you

Friendswithtrouble

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]So why do i feel like i was dumped? [/quote]

Because he married someone else. 😉 You were rejected. That’s the same thing as being dumped. Your feelings are accurate — even if they’re uncomfortable.

[quote]Oh miss april, should i be friends with him or move on even though i’m not ready for that?[/quote]

No, you should not be friends with him. He’s married. Leave him and his wife alone, so they can be married, and you can find someone to date who isn’t. 😉 You may not be ready for that, but sometimes it’s more important to do the right thing, than to go with your feelings.

[quote]if i have to move on any advice in how i should do it without hurting ?[/quote]

Get over the idea that rejection doesn’t hurt. It does. But the more you stay in contact with him, the more you’ll continue to feel hurt. Buy the book I suggested, and use it to look elsewhere for single, available men to date. 😉 Here’s the link, again: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

I hope that helps! 😀

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[carinefernando]

tough… thanks 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome. I hope it helps. It only feels tough because it’s not what you wanted to hear. But the fact that you’re open to hearing it at all, is a good sign for your future. 😉

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[carinefernando]

Hi Miss April,

christmas gift

Few months back i got a with a new friend, one of my clients at work. A smart engineer, in his fourties. He gives you a serious first impression but as you get to know him, you soon realise he is a fun, social seeetheart. He’s preety cool and i am crazy about his friend this young amazing guy.

so recently we met after holidays and he gives me a gift, “just a christmas gift” (he describes) actually a misunderstanding because my colleague/best friend at work got him a present and he thought it was me when i cleared things… was too late, he had given me the gift already… A beautiful fluffy red heart with arms which he bought back home and very well packed.

heartwarming, i hardly get gifts 🙁

Now afcourse i have to give something in return… no surprise here, i dont know what to give.

so i remembered i have this really cool electronic cigar with nice flavours to go along.(no tobacco!)

and i went to ask him. our convo

Do you smoke? he replied no.
me: Because you can’t or you dont want to? He says: just never been curious, i smoke yes but not tobacco,why?He asks. I said: Because i have something really nice i want you to try. That def made him curious. he kept asking about it all day long 😀 but i never gave him in time because he travelled.

He is coming back soon and now i have to choose, i either give him the electronic cigar or a pen (that might be expensive)

my friends say an electronic cigar is not an appropriate gift for a non smoker but i keep on insisting with this because it will save me less i dont have to buy it 🙂 and I dont think the electronic cigar will hook him up but i also dont want to look like someone who offers things that can be addictive. electronic cigarette is safe for me atleast. Oh and I also want to make an awesome impression in his friend.

Ok my dear miss salvation, will you help me decide please ? whats your view with the electronic cigar ? if its a no then any other ideas …

regards,

yournumberonefan xoxo

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I have to agree with your friend. Electronic cigarettes aren’t appropriate gifts for non-smokers. Since he’s a friend, and he’s given you a light-hearted gift, I’d respond in kind. You can make him some cookies or fudge or you can take him out for coffee or drinks if you want to do something nice that’s post-Christmas, pre-Valentine’s.

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[Lune David]

Man… this whole saga had more plot twists than a Christmas Netflix drama. First the kiss, then the fiancée, then the secret phone checks, then the marriage, then the “I’m unhappy” speech… I’m honestly shocked Santa didn’t show up somewhere in the middle.

And now she’s texting you like you’re her emotional support hotline while he’s acting like you’re the bonus level he should’ve chosen before the wedding? Bro, that’s not a love triangle — that’s a whole holiday circus.

If I’ve learned anything from AskApril, it’s this:
When someone is married but still acting single, RUN like it’s New Year’s Eve and the fireworks just started.

April is right — drama doesn’t age well. It just keeps looping like Christmas songs in a shopping mall.

So yeah, wishing them the best, blocking the wife, and distancing yourself from Mr. “I Married Someone Else But Still Wants To Hug You” is probably the only non-chaotic option.

Because honestly? You weren’t “dumped.”
You were saved from becoming the accidental Grinch who stole someone’s husband.

[Member]

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