[Anonymous]

Hey April, I’ve gotten myself into a kinda bad sitution. About 8 months ago I started having sex with a girl who was involved in a longterm relationship. Intially before the sex we were messing around, and I bumped into her and significent other at the bar…. I was unaware she had a boyfriend at the time, so after i greeted her- he stepped to me and said, “who are you get off my girl” Her friends quickly grabbed me away and explained to me she had a boyfriend. I really liked her, she told me how sorry she was i had to find out that way, so i choose to be her other man, and we started having sex.

I should tell you that during this time she was living 2 hours away with her boyfriend and visting me on the weekends, as well as some of her girl friends she has in the area. She asked to fly me away with her on a vacation about 4 months ago and i resisted because i didnt want the relationship to get to serious. But she offered to pay for my whole trip tickets and everything so i went anyway.

So after this trip we stayed doing our routine, her coming up every weekend to see me. I also started liking her a more and calling her alot more frequently. We decided to go on another trip about a month ago and I questioned her about her boyfriend on this trip. She told me how shes been in a relationship with him for like 3 years and he wanted to get married and she doesnt. she talked about how she never had a chance to be single and see whats out there. how her boyfriend is a good guy but doesnt apprciate her the way she wants. and how she really liked me and wasnt looking to cheat on her boyfriend. She always told me her and her boyfriend wernt having sex that she pushed him off her, but she recently admitted that the last time they had sex was in december 2-3 months ago.

I told her how I was really starting to fall in love with her and i wanted her to myself. Since then she has quit her job 2 hours away, moved to my town, and moved out and broke up with her boyfriend. I have been sleeping with her everynight and talking with her very openly.She says that we shouldnt be boyfriend and girlfriend, that she cant go from one relationship to the other so fast. She alos says im free to go out and get girls. but like I said I sleep with her everynite now and we even tell each other I love you…. and on top of that i dont want any other girls,

I want to be with this girl, I guess im wondering what to do. She tells me i like her too much. Shes done so much now though, quit her job got an apartment close to me. I have some serious trust issues because of how we started I just want to belive I am diffrent then her now ex-boyfriend. any advice you could throw my way would be much appreciated, im struggling with how to feel about all this.

[Ask April Masini]

Your girlfriend has low self esteem that allows her to be with someone who isn’t right for her — and stay, and she has a bad character that allows her to lie to her ex-boyfriend, you and worst of all, herself. You are right to have trust issues with this woman — she isn’t trustworthy and hasn’t been from the beginning.

Unfortunately, your own self esteem matches hers since you are willing to be with someone who doesn’t think you’re Mr. Right. I wish you would value yourself more to go out there and find a woman who wants you ALL to herself and wants to give ALL of herself to you.

If you stay with your girlfriend, she’s most likely going to cheat on you just like she did on her last boyfriend — if she isn’t doing it already. Sorry, but you need to pay attention to reality and not live in a fantasy world where you wait for what you want to happen without being proactive or attentive. 🙁

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