[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been together for 4yrs.. Married for 8 months now, it’s been kind of rocky. We r from Chicago. And just move to Louisiana about 2months ago, he’s in the army. He have been argueing but nothing serious until last week. He got jealous, because he thought his friend was flirting with me. When we got home, he called me out my name. Told me to go back home( Chicago) I said a lot of hurtful things. I was so upset, he tried to make up the next day. But I was still too angry at him, because he never talks to me like that. So we just stayed quiet for the next two days. He seen my wedding band on the dresser, and thought I took it off on purpose And now yesterday, he told me he was done with me and go back home..I want him to take this marriage serious. I know he changed a lot since he’s been in the army. Now I’m in louisiana With our 2 yr daughter. All weekend while he’s is out having fun with his friends… It hurts so bad, Im new here. 1000 miles away from my fam. I’m the only fam he got, does not socialize with fam.since we have been together, I got him to open up more lil by lil..I wonder should go to marriage conseling? That was one thing he wanted to do a while back.. I love my husband and support him, why can’t he understand . I can’t go to anyone for advice… All I can do is cry, just not easy to be a military wife.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You can save your marriage, but you have to be very understanding and gentle with yourself and him. You are both under a LOT of stress with the nature of his work, your recent move, and having a two year old who is by definition, trying. So first of all, take a big breath and relax. Anyone with your stress would have problems.

Now, you have to decide you want him. And, that in order to keep him you’re going to have to change your behavior. The pattern the two of you are in is going down a bad path. You can’t change him, but you can change yourself.

First of all, prepare to apologize to him. Don’t ask for anything in return — except his forgiveness. This is not a tit for tat situation where you keep score or blame him for his behavior. This is your moment to shine as someone who’s made mistakes in the marriage and is ready to say she’s sorry. You can do it in person, in a love letter (not text or e-mail, but pen to paper) or both. Just do it. YOU take the high road and tell him how much he means to you. DO NOT bring up his bad behavior. DO NOT blame him for anything. This is about you and your behavior and your desires to be with him in a deeper and more intimate way.

Next, you have to set the stage for romance. The two of you have lost that, and while there are a million reasons why you lost it, the goal is to regain it. Start being the sexy girlfriend you were when you dated him and fell in love. I’ve written a great book to put the sizzle back in the bedroom called Romantic Date Ideas, and I want you to buy it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url], read it, and start implementing these dates in your own home. I promise they’ll get you two back on track.

Then, you have to start making girlfriends and fill your life with supportive people with whom you can build a life. It’s understandable that you’re both lonely, but rather than complain about him going out with friends, YOU start making girlfriends (who don’t make him jealous) and he’ll start seeing you as a popular part of the community, he’ll be proud you’re his wife, and he’ll start wanting to invite you out with him and his buddies and their wives because he feels good about being with you.

I hope this helps. Your sadness is palpable, but the answer lies in your re-creating yourself and your life and putting your man back in the front row of your life and treating him like he deserves the best: YOU!

[Member]

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