[zuax]

A lil brief intro and background… im 23 n my gf is 19 we are both young i know… but both come from a cultural background… meanin we both dont find intrest in going out sociallizing and meeting opposite sex..well heres my problem… me and my gf have been together for 9 months going for ten… through thr past 9 month have been really great for us we never argued n if we did it was for five minutes tops… we both are very much inlove with eachother… she been recently feeling a bit wierd and starting to feel incomplete like if something is missing but she doesnt know what it is… she said she doesnt know what she wants anymore… we would hang out almost everyday now its gradually decreasing she feels like something is missing that she changed but doesnt know what changed…. we still go out when i ask her out we still have a great time… seems time away from us pulls us aprt but when we are together our problems seem to vanish…. she would consistantly invite me over but seems rare now like something she says she feels wierd n is making her depress n feels sad… she said she does not want to lose me and she is inlove with me… are her feelings normal or whatim so confused n i makes me depress shes happy to be with me n see me but im still lost cause she feels lost… i kinda figure shes losing that spunk but lately ive been a bit financially tied down to even treat her to a good place… i just need help i love her so much and this relationship is worth to preserve amd she feels the same about it wevr talked about her feelings… n forgot to mention she feels as if she is heavily dependant on me, feels like she lost control of her life, she recently lost a few of her bestfriends… do her loss of friends have something to fo with this? my guess shes deprrss from it n lost intrest of many things… i need help i want to save this relationship i love her…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like your girlfriend is the one who needs help — not you. 🙁 Her depression and recent uncertainty about your relationship are things she needs to deal with. It sounds like there has been no triggering event in your relationship that would cause her to back off, so the reason she is is because of her own internal feelings.

Feeling dependent on you and losing some friends recently may be either the cause or the symptoms of some kind of depression or change in her own life. It’s okay to feel dependent on a boyfriend or girlfriend as long as you are independent in other parts of your life and that your self esteem is regularly fed. She sounds like she’s having some problems in that area when you say she thinks she’s lost control of her life. That’s actually a pretty dramatic statement. I’d also be curious to know how she lost several best friends recently because that’s also unusual and may be telling.

Unfortunately, there is not a lot YOU can do to help her with this problem except to shed light on it, and tell her how it makes you feel when she’s down and out and to listen if she wants to talk and share her feelings with you.

Knowing where the boundaries are regarding what you can and can’t do for someone is important in a relationship, so do your best to keep yourself healthy and open, and hopefully your girlfriend will want to take care of herself so she can be healthy in your relationship, too.

[zuax]

yeaaa there was no trigger just one day she just told me how she felt n it took me by surprise… and her losing her best friend… i wouldnt say completely lost her but they rarely talk… just her friend ask her for a favor to cover for her cause her parents are strict and asked if shecan say she was with her in case her parents called… but my gf felt she couldnt lie to her mom because of there relationship she real good friends and told her she was not up for it anymore… and from then on her best friend just kinda held it against her n theydot hang out… n as far as her other friends she tells me that they dont talk to her as much in rarecases…

as far as me it blows my mind how she feels im confused n i get mixed signals on it caused me to get all depressed cause i felt ignored… but i understand now that shes going through alot cause her life is changing as far as her social friend n she is bring the change into our relationship i never felt a change but she does… im just keeping myself busy and trying to not let her depression and emptyness become mine… im doin what makes me happy so i can be able to offer and listen to her with a clear and open mind…

and recently she says she feels like shes not making me happy like she use to and she cant help the way she acts on not giving me attention… she just has wierd feelings and she thinks about these feelings all day…

and it sucks cause i also know theres not much i can do but just try to help her through it…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Honestly, it sounds like your girlfriend made the right decision by not lying and covering for her best friend, but the best friend’s rejection as a result is still hurtful even though your girlfriend did the right thing. Make sure you support her decision and the positive part of what she did, as well as express understanding at the hurt she feels for the loss of a best friend over a morality call.

Hopefully, this is a problem your girlfriend will work out for herself, and bounce back. In life both you and she will go through things and hope that your partner is there for you in spite of each others’ downsides. “For better and for worse” is not accidentally written into marriage vows. It’s there because times are tough for people, naturally. Continue to stick it out if you can — and if the length of time that she is down becomes too prolonged for you and you can’t hang around any more, then know you gave it your best shot, and you’re not right for each other at this time in your lives.

I hope that helps.

[zuax]

yeahhh i want to hang around but its hard when she consistantly feels that way and literally pushes me away like avoids contact and makes me feel forgotten i told her that but damn its just hard to stand n do nothing … jist thought if u love someone u would actually try to get closer to get some support…. n lately she been forgetfully forgetting to call me the whole day she texts me but mever replies back so it makes me real upset… i felt low int frony of her family… she was going to her grandmas to eat she usually invites me and the mom made a suggestion to invite me but she just looked at me and changed the subject i felt lame

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re ready to move on. I think you want me to give you a little kick in the behind to get you started, so consider this that kick. 😆

I know you think love is supposed to conquer all, but it doesn’t. There are all different kinds of love and just because you feel love or affection for someone doesn’t mean the two of you are compatible for a monogamous, long term (or even short term) relationship.

The two of you together don’t leave you feeling very good and I bet the same goes for her.

It’s time for you to move on.

[zuax]

yeaaa feels like i am ready but its hard to give up the bonding moments and memories i have with her… im a give it my last shot and go with my gut instinct and stay and try to make it work after all ifwe do manage to work it out it will be a good accomplishment and a bigger step in our relationship… and if it doesnt then i can leave in peace with no taunting thoughts about my mistakes… ill keep in touch and let u know how it all turns out… you give great advice that makes sense…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad you’re more at peace with your decision. 🙂

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