[kenedi]

ok, i am new to this site and would love any advice from anyone out there. i really just need an objective opinion. I am in my late twenties and dating a guy in his mid-thirties. We have been exclusive for almost a year. Things are good, but he was recently laid off, so the financial stress has started to bother him. He has decided to get a roommate to save money for the next year so that he can still live in a nice place by the beach and not be quite so stressed about the finances. Anyway, I had just assumed that he would be looking for a male roommate, and then he told me that he is meeting tomorrow with a girl who has an open room in her condo. (They would be sharing a bathroom.) The girl wrote in her ad that she is only looking for a male roommate. Am I being too conservative to think that you just don’t do this when you have a serious girlfriend? I think it’s weird to find a random girl on craigslist to live with when you are with someone. He didn’t even run it by or ask if I would be cool with that. It was just kind of said in a way that was more like telling me where he was looking. I would love some advice out there. Be honest, please. Is this normal and I am being weird? Or, any advice on how to talk to him without coming across like a crazy girlfriend? Thank you so much!

Kenedi

[tricia]

Well, this would be not an ordinary situation for me. Being in your part, I wouldn’t allow him to have a girl roommate. Imagine your boyfriend living with a girl under one rooftop and sharing bathroom, that’s a BIG NO NO for me. I suggest you to talk with your guy and let him know about your concern. No one knows what might happen if two opposite sex stay under one rooftop.

[AskApril Masini]

First of all, tell him how you feel. You can say, “I’m really uncomfortable with you having a female roommate. I’d much rather you find a male roommate.” He may not know how you feel. He may be surprised to hear you feel this way. He may be happy to find a male roommate instead. But you won’t know unless you express yourself.

Some unanswered questions may be: How long does he see himself in this roommate situation? Is it temporary? Or is this a plan with no end in sight? Is he looking for a new job so he can afford his own place? What’s the job search plan like? Would he be willing to take a loan to support his living situation until he gets a new job? Would he be willing to get a place that is not on the beach, but cheaper, so that he can live alone?

Lots of people are being laid off these days, and almost everyone is cutting back in some way. He’s not alone in this circumstance.

But, if he refuses to get a male roommate after you’ve expressed yourself to him, then you have to decide if you want to be with him under these circumstances or not. If he’s going to put beach front living with a woman roommate ahead of in town living without any roommate, or moving in with a relative or his folks until he gets back on his financial feet, you may have found a part of this guy you hadn’t unearthed up to now.

Be clear with him about your feelings, and offer up some of these ideas as alternatives to his living with a female roommate, in order to see his true colors.

[Ethan Morales]

Your feelings are completely reasonable. Wanting your serious partner to have a male roommate instead of a female one especially when they would be sharing a bathroom is not “crazy” or overly conservative. It’s about trust and comfort in the relationship, and it’s completely valid to express boundaries when a living situation might make you uneasy.

What matters here is how you communicate your concerns. You don’t want to accuse or control him, but you do want to be honest: You can say something like, “I feel uncomfortable with the idea of you having a female roommate because of the shared space. I’d feel much more comfortable if you considered a male roommate instead.” Frame it around your feelings rather than making it about mistrust. That keeps the conversation constructive rather than confrontational.

Also, consider asking questions about the bigger picture: How long does he plan to live with a roommate? Is this just temporary until he finds another job? Would he consider alternative solutions like a cheaper place or staying with friends/family?

His reaction will tell you a lot about his respect for your feelings and how he handles compromise. If he refuses to consider your perspective, that’s an important signal about how aligned you are in the relationship regarding trust, communication, and shared values.

You’re not overreacting. Express yourself clearly, listen to his reasoning, and see if there’s a compromise that works for both of you. Your comfort and trust in a relationship are just as important as his financial needs.

[Tara]

Your boyfriend didn’t “forget” to ask you. He didn’t “overlook” your feelings. He didn’t even pause long enough to consider how this looks. He made a decision that benefits him, ignored the part where you’re supposed to matter, and expected you to swallow it quietly.

A grown man in a committed relationship choosing to move in with a random woman from Craigslist, sharing a bathroom, no less, is not “normal.” It’s not “progressive.” It’s not “you being insecure.” It’s disrespect dressed up as practicality.

And let’s cut the crap: she specifically advertised for a male roommate. That alone tells you exactly what kind of dynamic she’s comfortable with. He’s not walking into a neutral roommate situation. He’s walking into a setup tailor-made for tension, convenience, and blurred lines. And he didn’t even bother to check with you before pursuing it. That’s not harmless. That’s reckless.

You’re afraid of sounding like a “crazy girlfriend” when the real issue is he’s behaving like a guy who wants the perks of a relationship without the accountability of one. A committed partner does not sign up to live with a stranger of the opposite sex without a conversation. He’s treating you like an afterthought because he assumes you’ll just adapt to whatever he chooses.

[Sally]

When you’re with someone seriously, you expect them to kinda pause and think, “Hey, how would my partner feel about this?” And he just… didn’t.
But don’t jump to the idea that something shady is happening. Sometimes guys get so focused on fixing the money stress that they forget the emotional side of things.
Just talk to him in a calm, real way. Something like,

“Hey, I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but hearing you might live with some random girl threw me off. I just wanna understand where your head is at.” Keep it soft, not accusing.
You’re not crazy for wanting to feel considered. You just want to know you matter in the choices that touch your relationship. That’s normal.

[Serena Vale]

Honestly, I don’t think you’re being weird at all. Sharing a bathroom and living with a random girl from Craigslist when he has a serious girlfriend would make anyone uncomfortable. It’s the fact that he didn’t even check with you that stings.

Just talk to him calmly.
Something like: “Hey, this makes me uncomfortable. I’m not saying no, I just want to understand why this is the only option.”

You’re not being controlling, you’re just setting a normal boundary. If he cares, he’ll take your feelings seriously and look for another option. If he brushes you off, that tells you something too.

Keep it honest but gentle. You’re allowed to speak up.

[Member]

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