[Natalie Jordaan]

Hi April

I met a guy on Facebook. I know what you’re thinking, but read on. He is from Cape Town and does private security in Afghanistan. No It’s not and Indian.

So we became friends via talking on FB and then On Skype. He was due for leave and before going home to Cape Town He came to JHB for me. We spent a week together and then he left to go home. He was there for two days and came back to JHB. He is currently here.

The problem is I have fallen for him. I had fallen for him when we were chatting on Skype while he was overseas. I had cried terribly when he left for CT. NO i didnt let him see me cry.

Oh April he told me that I have made him feel like no one ever has. He told friends of his that I have swept him of his feet. He told me that when he spent the week here I had made him feel so comfortable that he ddnt even feel comfortable at his own house in CT. He doesnt have any kids and he is soo single.

I phones me and tells me he misses me alot. He talks about getting work here and getting a house here and that he has met someone in JHB that could keep him here (ME?) . He seems so genuine and so true.

I cannot bear the thought of him leaving me again. Is that foolish? It hurts just to think about it. And the part that really gets me is that I hope he is not playing me. His eyes seem so genuine. I see his eyes. But there is a part of me that doesnt want to get hurt and I cannot allow myself to trust him. What do I do April….. What do I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Love hurts. Google the songs about love and you’ll come up with loads. My suggestion is to burn yourself six CDs of your favorite songs about love and play them all the time. You’re not alone. People become jubilant over meeting someone, and dashed over losing them. Over. And. Over. And. Over.

That said, I don’t think this guy has given you any reason to distrust him. But you need to be realistic. You don’t know him very well. You don’t know his family or his friends. See if he puts his money where his mouth is. In other words, you don’t have to trust him — you can accept where things are now, and watch and see if he actually does what he says he’s going to do. That’s how he’s going to earn or lose your respect. Relationships and deep love are built on people coming through for each other over and over in real life — not just under the moonlight, in bed, and at airports as they’re saying passionate goodbye or hello.

You have the basis for a real relationship. See if you can build the blocks that make it work, together. But don’t put your life on hold. He’s not here. Yet. It’s okay to anticipate his coming here, but not if you become paralyzed waiting for him. Stay focused on yourself, and allow him to be part of your life — but not all of your life.

[Ethan Morales]

I get why you’re torn up about this. When someone makes you feel seen, safe, and wanted, especially from miles away, it hits differently. It’s not foolish that you care it’s human. But love, especially new love born from distance and intensity, can blur lines between connection and projection. You might be falling for how he makes you feel more than who he really is because right now, you only know part of him, the curated version that shows up in video calls and short visits.

Now, to be fair this guy’s words sound genuine. Talking about moving, building a life where you are… those are big things to say, and they might mean something real. But like April Masini said words are cheap until proven by consistent action. Let him show you what he means over time. People who are serious don’t just promise they plan, they follow through, they make space for you in their real life, not just their emotional one.

I’ve seen situations like this intensity early on, promises of “you’re the one,” talk of moving closer and sometimes it holds up. Sometimes it doesn’t. The real test isn’t in how much he says he misses you; it’s whether his actions match when the high wears off and normal life kicks back in. That’s when people’s true intentions show.

You don’t have to shut down your feelings, but you do need to anchor yourself in logic. You barely know this man’s world not his friends, not his habits, not his bad days. Trust isn’t something you hand over; it’s something people earn. So instead of asking “what if he’s playing me,” shift to “what will I do to protect my peace if he is?” That mindset gives you control again.

And one more thing don’t let the fear of losing him make you smaller. Keep doing your thing, keep your life full. If he’s genuine, he’ll fit into your world naturally. If not, you’ll already be standing on your own two feet when the illusion fades.

So yeah, I’d say care for him, stay open, but don’t build your home on words. Build it on proof. Time is the filter that reveals who’s real and who’s just passing through.

[Tara]

You’ve let yourself get emotionally attached to a man you barely know, and now you’re treating his attention like gospel. Everything he’s saying, the “you swept me off my feet,” “I’m more comfortable with you than at home,” “I could get a house here for you,” that’s not romance. That’s intensity. And intensity without stability is just emotional manipulation dressed up as passion.

He’s giving you the perfect fantasy: the soldier, the danger, the distance, the dramatic declarations, the “I miss you so much” calls. And you’re eating it up because it makes you feel chosen, special, irreplaceable. But here’s the part you’re ignoring: men who are serious build consistency, not grand speeches. They create calm, not anxiety. They don’t make you terrified of them leaving every time they walk out the door.

Right now, you’re hooked on the high. This man has done just enough visits, compliments, and attention to make you feel like you’ve found something rare. But you’re already spiraling, terrified, crying, panicking at the thought of him leaving. That isn’t love.

That’s emotional dependence forming at light speed. And it’s dangerous.
You don’t trust him, and you shouldn’t. Not because he’s definitely lying, but because you’re already too deep to see the situation clearly. You’re projecting honesty onto him because you like the way he makes you feel, not because you know who he actually is. “

His eyes are genuine” is not a background check. It’s wishful thinking.
You barely know this man. You have no idea how he treats partners over time, how stable he is, what he’s capable of, or whether he’s telling you the same things he’s told ten women before you while stationed overseas. You’re falling in love with a version of him that lives in your head, not the real one.

[Sally]

Falling for someone who feels so sure about you can hit harder than you expect, especially when there’s distance and time apart involved. And yeah, it’s scary when your heart is moving faster than your trust.

Here’s the thing… what you’re feeling isn’t foolish. When someone shows up for you like that, tells you things no one else has, it’s easy to get swept up. I’ve been there. It feels real, and maybe it is. But you still have to slow yourself down a little so you don’t hand your whole heart to someone you barely know outside of a very intense bubble.

Just keep paying attention to what he does more than what he says. Let things unfold without promising forever in your head. If he’s genuine, time won’t scare him off. And if he isn’t… you’ll see it soon enough, and you’ll still be standing.
Take it one calm step at a time.

[Serena Vale]

I get why you’re scared, when someone makes you feel this seen and this wanted, it’s easy to fall fast. And honestly, he hasn’t really done anything wrong. He showed up for you, twice. He talks about plans. He makes you feel safe. That matters.

But feelings aren’t the same as knowing someone. You’ve only spent a short time together in real life, and right now everything is new, intense, and romantic. That’s why it feels so big.

You don’t need to fully trust him yet. You also don’t need to pull away. Just stay open and pay attention to his actions. If he says he wants to move, let him prove it. If he says he misses you, see if he shows up consistently.

You’re allowed to enjoy what’s happening and protect your heart at the same time. Let things grow slowly. Don’t put your whole life on pause for him. If he’s real, he’ll meet you halfway, not just with words, but with steady effort.

[Member]

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