[outforfun]

After my last guy, which i posted about, I moved on. I found a guy on a dating website. We first started emailing and within 3 days we exchanged numbers and were texting. We text every day throughout the day for about 3 days. He called me on the 4th day and we had a great conversation. I remind you that every time he text or call i NEVER initiated any of it. He was coming to me. I was taking your advice 😉.

Well after 2 weeks of talking he asked me out. We went to movie and dinner. Conversation was great and never a dull moment. That night as he was dropping me off I asked him to come in. Was this a bad choice? He said yes and we watched a movie and had a few drinks. We were talking and we ended up making out. I made it VERY clear that i was not having sex with him. he said “that’s not what i want either. i want a serious relationship and if you think that’s what i want then you have me wrong” I said “ok good because i want to go slow” We were getting hot and heavy and moved to my bedroom… bad choice. We got lost in the moment and we ended up sleeping together against what I really wanted that night and he even said “are you sure you want to do this?” He stayed over and the next morning text me after he left and as usual all through the day.

The next day came and we talked and he said he was going out wtih some friends as was i. he told me to text him that night so we could meet up. I did and he didn’t respond until i was home in bed. it said “goodnight 🙁” and then a voicemail came up and it said “sorry i missed you, i wanted to see you, i hope to talk to you tomorrow”. next day came and he text me saying “sorry for the drunk message”, i said “no worries”. and he called me. we talked and made plans to get together the next night. this means we would see eachother on a friday and then a sunday. he was super excited and text me that he can’t wait to see. sunday came and he showed up after work. this time instead of going out we rented a movie and got pizza delivered. we had another great time and ended up having sex again. he stayed over and then left in the morning for work.

We text all throughout the day again and the next day we talked on the phone as usual. He asked if I was talking or dating anyone else, I said no. And he said he wasn’t either. It was a random question. He mentioned the whole sex thing and how it’s not like him to do that and i said me either. Tuesday came and we were talking and i could tell he was distracted so i said i would talk to him later. and he goes “i want to talk to you unless you are busy?” and i siad “i’ll see you tomorrow though, right?” and he’s like “yes”. i said “ok then i’ll talk to you then”. he text me back askign if “everything was ok”. i said “yes”. which i don’t see why he was worried i just was going to go to bed. he text again saying “ok, text me later like usual”. i didn’t because i feel asleep.

The next morning he never text me like he does and i didn’t want him to be upset about last night and how he thought something was wrong so at around noon i text him and said “are you having a good day” and he said “yes are you?” and i said “yes’ and then asked what he wanted to do tonight? and he never replied until 2 hours later. i knew that something wasn’t right. Then he said “it will be later when i come over because i have stuff to do” SO NOT LIKE HIM. So i said “if you’re busy let’s reschedule.” he said “if you want to” and i said “no i don’t. i made plans to see you so if you want to let me know” Then he comes out and says “i don’t want to reschedule but i think we are moving too fast. I know i said I wanted a serious relationship but I just feel like we are going too fast and it’s making me nervous” I replied “can’t we talk about this tonight” and he said “yes”.

Well an hour later he ended up calling me instead. Basically he said “i broke up wtih my girlfriend a year ago and have only talked to a few other girls since then. I feel like we are moving way too fast. I know i told you I wanted a serious relationship and I know you do too and it wouldn’t be fair to you if we kept going at this pace if it’s not what I want any more.” I said “we are dating, seeing somone 3 times in one week is dating to me.” He said “i know and i thought that’s what I wanted but I guess i don’t. I like talking and hanging out with you and i want to do that still. can i have a few days to think about this?” I just said “i’m pretty sure you don’t need those days because you’re mind is made up. i really like you and i know we have a connection so it’s sad to see you get like this.” he said “as soon as i am ready i’ll remember you. i’m sorry”

That was the last conversation and it’s been 2 days, haven’t heard from him. So my questions are if i should just let this go? how did i scare him away if he was CONSISTANTLY chasing me and in one night he did a 180? Like he was full on relationship mood wanting to see me, wanting to talk to me and then after one night he freaks out and now says we moved too fast. I really like this guy and i know we have so much in common so i don’t want to just fade out from him. how can i stay present in his mind so he doesn’t forget about me when he is ready? Did i do something to freak him out?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You slept with him too soon. 😳 It’s not a good idea to sleep with someone you meet online on the first date. In fact, as a rule, it’s not a good idea to sleep with anyone you’re dating on the first date. When you do, you’ve set the tone for what’s okay, and you’ve sent a hint that this is what you usually do. It doesn’t really matter what either one of you say about what you usually do. The bottom line is your behavior.

Sex changes things and if you’d had half a dozen dates without sex, and one of you decided it wasn’t a good match between you, breaking up wouldn’t be a big deal. But when you’ve slept with him several times within those first couple of dates, and then he decides it’s not right for him, you’ve now invested a lot more in the relationship, so breaking up is more of an emotional upset for you. So for next time….. don’t sleep with him so quickly!

Here are the answers to your specific questions:

[quote]So my questions are if i should just let this go? [/quote]

Yes.

[quote]how did i scare him away if he was CONSISTANTLY chasing me and in one night he did a 180? Like he was full on relationship mood wanting to see me, wanting to talk to me and then after one night he freaks out and now says we moved too fast. [/quote]

By sleeping with him too soon. Men have sex because they can. You made it possible. The truth is that they want a woman they have to chase. They feel she’s the one who’s more valuable and is more worth pursuing.

[quote] I really like this guy and i know we have so much in common so i don’t want to just fade out from him. how can i stay present in his mind so he doesn’t forget about me when he is ready? Did i do something to freak him out?[/quote]

It’s really simple. Just get to know people more before you get invested in them. Take the dating process seriously and slow down so you can pay attention to who you are when you’re with him, who he is when he’s with you, and what you both want. You’re not going to figure this all out in one, two or three dates. 😉

Hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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