[ladyasking4advice]

My boyfriend and I started dating at the end of October. Every year my family and I take a trip to Dollywood the weekend after Thanksgiving. Last year he didn’t come because our relationship was very new. He told me he couldn’t wait till next year to go with us. We are very serious (Talking about marriage, etc.) and very much in love.

Now as the holidays are approaching we are discussing our plans. I just asked him if he was going to be able to come this year. He responds to me by saying his friends family got a beach house for the weekend and he invited him and his other roommates. This was 3 months ago and he didn’t want to bring it up because he knew it would upset me. His friend is single and 28 years old too and I know that if he had a girlfriend he would invite her. Now he is saying that I haven’t even brought up Dollywood and he’s pissed that I’m upset because someone else invited him to go somewhere. He is saying that he can get christmas shopping done when they go.

I love all of his friends. This friend of his always wants to do something with him. For example… This summer a group of us went on a cruise. It was a few couples and 3 single guys. He wanted to hang out with us and every time we would go out to the pool or to eat id be sitting and he would tell my boyfriend he saved a seat for him. Luckily my boyfriend chose to sit with me.

I never miss his family events nor do I choose my friends over him in these types of situations. We were long distance for the first few months of our relationship and I came home to visit every time he had something he wanted me to be his date.

Am I being petty over this? Why would my 28 year old boyfriend rather go to the beach with his friend and his family over a trip with me over thanksgiving break? I don’t mind him hanging out with his friends at all. But he is getting mad at me because I am upset over this. I have not told him not to go to the beach because I don’t want to give him an ultimatum. Now I don’t want him to go to Dollywood because I don’t want him to feel forced into coming with me. I feel like he has already made up his mind by the way he responded.

[AskApril Masini]

Try not to make too big a deal out of this. It’s one moment in your relationship, and it’s not like he’s decided to stand you up at the altar. 😉 It sounds like he wants to be with his friends because that’s fun, and it’s what he wants to do now. And yes, he’s chosen that over your family’s holiday trip, but you’re not engaged. You’re not married, and it’s just a weekend. I know you’re disappointed, but why not just have a great time, and try to make him miss you! 😎 This isn’t worth giving him an ultimatum over. You’re just disappointed and you probably told your family that he was coming, and now you have to go back to them and try to save face. Try to get over it. These things happen in life, and your family will understand. It’s much better for the relationship if he realizes he’s made a mistake, than if you create drama and start hinting at relationship ultimatums over this. He didn’t cheat. He didn’t forget to give you a Valentine. He’s just wanting to be with his friends instead of your family.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any more questions.

[Lune David]

This one stings, and honestly, your feelings make total sense. When you’re serious about someone, holidays stop feeling like “just a weekend” and start feeling symbolic. You weren’t asking for too much — you were asking for presence. That said, April’s point hits where it hurts: this isn’t a deal-breaker moment, it’s a priority mismatch moment.

He didn’t choose the beach over you — he chose ease, fun, and familiarity over family obligations. Not romantic, but very human. And the fact that he avoided telling you because he “knew it would upset you” says more about his conflict-avoidance than his commitment level.

The real spice here? Don’t chase, don’t sulk, and definitely don’t guilt-trip. Go to Dollywood, have an amazing time, post the photos, laugh loud, and let him feel your absence a little. Sometimes the best message is silence paired with confidence.

Ask April is right forcing him to choose would only create resentment. Let him choose on his own. If he’s truly serious about you, moments like this will teach him where he actually wants to be next time.

And if not? Well… you just learned something important without blowing up your relationship.

[Kett Parry]

I think it’s a bad idea to chooses his friends over you

Despite of he knows that you will go to family trip with your family he chooses to go on trip with his friends

Here’s the hard part to accept: you can’t make them show up the way you need. But you can protect yourself. You don’t have to keep explaining your pain to people who aren’t listening. And you’re allowed to step back, even if they don’t understand why.

You’re not wrong for wanting boundaries. You’re not wrong for feeling betrayed. And you’re not weak for struggling with this, you’re grieving something real.

If nothing else, please know this: your feelings make sense. You’re not alone in them, and you’re not imagining the hurt.

[Member]

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