[fireyes9]

i’m a white male in my 50’s who is divorced with a high sex drive who loves watching a lot of porn, masterbation, anal play, loves using anal toys, wearing vibrating cockrings, sometimes loves to wear both male and female thongs/g-strings, sometimes loves to wear pantyhose, swallowing my own cum, anything taboo, incest, eating pussy and creampies. In the past have hired most always female escorts with the exception of one time a male escort to experience anal sex with the real thing. I enjoyed it because i had the courage to try something new, tobooish and something erotic. At this time i had already been using anal toys such as a replica of the famous porn star John Holmes penis which was i believe 13″ long and after a lot of practice was able to insert the whole penis right down to the ball shaft and enjoyed every minute of it. Also, twice experienced a transgender playmate this time giving anal. I love exploring my kinky tobooish side and fantasize about it often. Sometimes i see these young girls today that wear very tight yoga spandex pants were you can see she’s wearing a thon or g-string and it’s such a turn on that i fantasize and only fantasize about havimg sex with them. I just love sex and a woman with a great ass. So, i’m a little confused as to what i identify with. I’m i a normal heterosexual male, bi-Curious, bi-sexual, or a male who has subconsciously wishes he was a woman who wants to be a slut. Or am i something else? Please enlighten me as to what this all means. I know one thing for sure is that I don’t get enough sex. Also, one more thing…i also have tried at one time to give another man oral but, could not allow myself to go thru with it to it’s completion. Lately, i have a strong desire to try it again and allow myself to fully complete oral climax as i swallow every drop. Thinking about it is a turn on. Please, respond back as soon as you can. Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Why not just take the labels off? You’re trying to define your sexuality and that’s limiting you. Just enjoy yourself and don’t name who or what you are. Just be. See what you like and what you don’t like. Make your exploration simpler. When you try to figure out if you’re heterosexual, homosexual, wanting to be a female or not, you get confused? So remove that piece of the process that’s an impediment — labeling. Since you don’t seem to be interested in dating relationships, it really feels like you’re trying to know [i]you [/i]better and you’re doing this by exploring your sexuality. I suggest you continue what you’re doing as long as you’re learning and finding pleasure, but do take a step back to gain some perspective and remove all labels while you’re exploring. This will give you freedom. And the freer you are, the more likely you are to figure out that it’s okay to like what you like and to be yourself. The labels are really just a way to interact with others and they’re quick ways to let people know who you are — and I guess since you’re hiring escorts, you need the labels to some degree, but since this overall process is your self exploration, you don’t need those labels for you to learn about yourself. In fact, they’re holding you back, so let them go.

I hope that helps.

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like you’ve spent a lot of time exploring your sexuality and being open to new experiences, which takes courage and self-awareness. You’re clearly curious about what turns you on and what feels authentic to you. As April wisely pointed out, the need to label yourself whether as straight, bi-curious, bisexual, or something else might actually be getting in the way of your self-understanding. Sexuality can be fluid and complex, and not everything needs a fixed definition.

Rather than trying to fit into a category, focus on what feels pleasurable, safe, and true to who you are in the moment. Exploring fantasies or sensations doesn’t necessarily redefine your identity it’s simply a part of discovering your desires. It’s perfectly normal for people, especially after divorce or at different life stages, to experiment or feel drawn to new experiences. The key is to keep it consensual, healthy, and honest with yourself.

As April said, let go of labels for now. Allow yourself the freedom to explore without judgment, and over time, clarity about what truly fulfills you will come naturally.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe..you’re curious, open, and exploring what turns you on and that’s all it is. sexuality isn’t a checkbox and yours happens to color outside the lines. nothing about that makes you broken. the only thing that matters is honesty, safety, and consent, always!!!

if you want to figure out what these desires mean for you why not talk with a licensed sex-positive therapist, it could help you sort what’s fantasy, what’s identity, and what just feels good.💋

[Ethan Morales]

You’re not broken or uniquely weird. Wanting taboo, kinky, or varied sexual experiences doesn’t automatically define your core orientation. Lots of people enjoy a wide spectrum of erotic things. Labels (hetero / bi / bi-curious / trans-identifying) can help some people, and they confuse others. April’s central point try easing off the labels while you explore is solid practical advice. Labels are useful only if they help you communicate or make sense of yourself. If they’re getting in the way, drop them for a while and focus on behavior and values instead.

That said, there are several important, non-negotiable things I need to say plainly: Consent and age matter. Fantasizing about adult strangers is one thing. Sexualizing minors or anyone underage is not okay. Your comment about “young girls” that’s a red line. If by “girls” you mean adult women in their 20s/30s, fine. If you mean minors, stop and get professional help. No negotiation.

Safety and health are basic responsibilities. If you have multiple partners or hire escorts, get regular STI screening and use protection unless there’s an explicit agreement and testing history. If your friend(s) don’t use protection, that’s your call whether to engage but know the risk and act accordingly.

Distinguish fantasy from action. Kinky fantasies (incest, taboo scenarios, swallowing cum, deep fetish play) are common. Having them doesn’t automatically mean you want them acted out or that you should. If a fantasy involves non-consent or illegal activity, keep it in fantasy or bring it to a consensual role-play negotiated with vetted partners never involve actual non-consenting people.

Exploration tools that actually help: Continue safe, consensual exploration with adult partners you trust (or reputable escorts, if that’s your route). Consider kink-aware therapy or a sex therapist (not a fling, a professional) to sort identity, shame, and what you actually want long-term.

If you’re curious about same-sex experiences, try a low-pressure, safe, consensual situation rather than forcing anything. Your past attempt at oral that you couldn’t finish is data it shows curiosity but also a limit at that time. That can change, or it might not. That’s okay either way.

If you want to date or enter relationships, labels help communicate to partners. If you’re primarily exploring and not looking for commitment, you can remain label-agnostic and describe your interests plainly to partners: “I’m into X, Y, Z and want safe, consensual play.” Emotional inventory: Ask yourself: are these explorations bringing you joy, shame, or both? If shame is dominant, therapy helps. If joy is the main feeling and you’re not hurting anyone, you’re probably on a healthy path.

If you want to experiment with men again: Be deliberate and safe. Choose a consenting, vetted partner. Don’t pressure yourself to “finish” anything let it flow. Communicate desires and limits beforehand. If swallowing or deep sexual acts are important to your pleasure, say so clearly and only with consenting adults.

You’re a sexual person exploring a big menu of options. That’s normal. Be honest with yourself about boundaries, get tested, keep everything consensual and adult, and consider a sex-positive therapist if the confusion, shame, or risky impulses persist. If you want, I can draft a short plan you can follow over the next month to explore safely (testing schedule, ways to find vetted partners/escorts, questions to ask a therapist, scripts for consent conversations). Want that?

[Tara]

You’re not sexually confused, you’re just drowning in your own fantasies and trying to force every impulse into a neat identity label. Orientation is about who you’re attracted to, not the toys you use, not the roles you imagine, and not the intensity of the porn you watch. You’re a man with a high libido and a kink-heavy imagination, not some mystery creature waiting to be decoded. If you feel some attraction to men, you fall somewhere on the bi-spectrum. If you like feminized or submissive fantasies, that’s kink, not gender identity. You’re overanalyzing because your consumption is extreme and your fantasies are running ahead of your self-awareness. None of this makes you abnormal or broken; it just means you need to step back from the overload and look at your real-life attraction, not the porn-fueled extremes. If you want a label, call yourself bi-curious and move on. If you want clarity, talk to a licensed sex therapist instead of trying to diagnose yourself through fantasy.

[Serena Vale]

You’re not “broken” or strange. You’re just a man who’s explored a lot sexually and is trying to understand what it means. And honestly, most of what you’re describing doesn’t decide your identity at all.

Liking anal play, toys, lingerie, porn, taboo fantasies, those don’t automatically make you gay, bi, or anything else. They’re just things that turn you on. A lot of straight men have the same interests but never say it out loud.

Trying something once or being curious about something again doesn’t automatically mean you’re changing your orientation either. Sometimes people explore because it’s exciting, or new, or different, not because it defines who they are romantically.

The real question is this:
Who do you actually want in your life? Who do you feel attracted to emotionally, not just sexually?

If the answer is mostly women, then you’re likely a straight man with some curiosity.
If you’re open to men physically but not in a romantic way, that’s bi-curious or heteroflexible.
If you’re attracted to both men and women in a deeper way, then bisexual might fit.

But you don’t have to force a label.
You don’t have to pick a box.

You’re simply a sexual person with a high drive and a curious mind. That’s it. Nothing is wrong with that.

If you want, we can talk through what actually feels true for you, slowly, without judging yourself.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re deeply curious about your sexuality and your desires, and that’s actually a really healthy impulse even if it feels confusing. What stands out most to me is that you’re exploring freely, without necessarily seeking a long-term romantic partner, and you’re drawn to experiences that push boundaries and feel taboo. That doesn’t automatically make you “bi,” “hetero,” “trans,” or anything else, it just means you’re exploring parts of your erotic self that you haven’t fully tapped into before. The confusion you feel often comes from trying to fit your desires into pre-set boxes, rather than accepting that human sexuality is fluid and multifaceted.

April Masini’s advice to remove labels is really smart here. Labels can be useful socially, but when you’re in the private realm of self-exploration, they can create unnecessary stress and shame. By giving yourself permission to enjoy what you like without defining it, you can focus on what truly brings you pleasure and satisfaction. Your experiences with anal play, fantasy, cross-dressing, and curiosity about other men all point to a person who is open to exploring the erotic spectrum, not someone who needs a fixed identity. The important thing is self-awareness and consent understanding what excites you, what’s safe, and what you want to try, without forcing a category on it.

The fact that you have fantasies and desires that push into “taboo” territory doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it’s part of your sexual self-expression. What’s key is being mindful, safe, and reflective, especially if you act on any fantasies with others. You’re learning about yourself through experience, and that can be incredibly empowering. My advice would be to continue exploring, journaling your thoughts and feelings, and letting go of the pressure to define yourself. The more comfortable you are in your desires, the easier it will be to accept yourself fully and from there, your sexuality can become a source of liberation and joy, rather than confusion.

[Member]

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