[Anonymous]

We’ve been together for about a year and 3 months, long distance for another 4 months…she’s been cheated on before, i’ve never cheated on her, she gets pissed at me for the things i cant control such as if my sister two years older than me has friends over, she immediately jumps to conclusions that i’m attracted to them and not her, everything about her not trusting me makes me feel like shit and makes her depressed, i love her to death and she loves me to death, more than 50% of our relationship is her being mad at me though, and sometimes i dont think i can take it, but it all comes back to me lieing. I can’t tell her so many things because it always leads to her being mad at me, so i just lie and dont mention it, and when she asks me about stuff i tell her the truth and she finds out, mind you i’ve never cheated on her, and i dont hang out with girls, cant even hang out with my friends anymore though without her thinking i’m doing something else or at a party, so i just dont. It sucks, but she means so much to me, i dont know how to get her to trust me until i’m with her permanently in person that way she 100% knows what i’m doing and realizes i’m not that type of person, she’s 11.5 years older than me which doesnt help at all, i dont want her to feel like she’s too old for me but i think its inevitable no matter how many times i tell her she will never be.

[Ask April Masini]

This relationship isn’t working out and doesn’t seem to have a future because of the problems you’re having. Specifically, that you fight half the time you’re together, after a year and a half relationship, and she is so distrustful of you even though you haven’t given her any reason to not trust you. The mistrust she brings to the relationship is based on her past, and her insecurity at being 11 years older than you, which doesn’t help her fear of your leaving her or cheating on her with another woman.

No matter how much you love her, if she isn’t able to be peaceful with you and because of her history of being cheated on, which she hasn’t resolved, you two fight over half the time you’re together, you have to accept that this relationship will never be a good one for you. And to make it worse, to avoid the fighting, you’ve started withholding information from her that is innocent — but that you feel will start her jealousy and anger up. If you can’t be honest with her, you’ll never have real intimacy, and ironically, you’ll look for other people to talk to about your deepest feelings because you won’t be able to talk to her. And that [i]will[/i] be cheating.

So, accept what you have for something that was great while it lasted, but isn’t going anywhere positive, and move on. I’m sorry because I know this will be difficult for you, but it’s for the best.

[Author]

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