[davidalvenz]

Hi everybody,I’m feeling so frustrated over this girl.
i broke up with my ex few months ago (7 years relationship) and I got to know this new girl who I feel really liking her. she was so much interested 2 months ago when we met and she was the one who was texting me all the time and we were having fun, to be honest I was not much interested at the begining but after a while I got to really like her! and it even turned to love in some point!

Until the time (a month ago) that I was so stupid and told her that I’m falling for her !!!!! (I was stupid I know!!! )
and from that moment she totally turned away and tried to hide her feeling, tried to show she is busy and so on and so on..
we used to kiss and have fun before that, we were really having fun ,..but from that moment until now she is totally ignoring me..ignorning my textx, replying so late..and maybe pretending that she is ignoring…but I’m sure about something…she likes me!!!! she definitely likes me..
month ago or so..we talked about this and she told me she is not after relationship for now..because she has broken up with her ex like few months ago just like me…I understood it and wanted to give her time..and I told her that I will be around ! and she accepted that…but she is really ignoring…and she is driving me nut!!!! seriously sometime I think of calling her and tell her that I’m letting you go!!!!

I don’t know what to do..
I have surprised her a few times…and tried to be somebody different..I try to make her smile and try to be funny..she is so up and down..she said I’m feeling down! and I need time and blah blah…

but anyways I’m feeling being ignored and I don’t know what to do!!!! I just know she liked /likes me but she is now so messed up !!! up..down..
she is driving me crazy!!! If i did not like her I would call her and finish it rightaway! then I would love to see her face after that phone call !!!

damn it!!!
I’m so frustrated !!!

cheers,
david

[exback4ever]

David,

That’s a tough situation you seem to be in. It sounds to me like she either has something going on that you are unaware of or that she is confused as to what she really wants. Like you suggested, you may have scared her when you told her you were falling for her. How old is this girl?

If she is really young, she could be afraid to put her heart back out on the line after her recent break up. Girls are much more emotional than guys and their emotions can cause them to be afraid, confused, or even sad when in a situation like this…. especially younger girls. Believe me, I know…. My wife is 18yrs old… I married her when she was 16… It’s amazing we are still together.

Anyway, it might be a good idea to try to take some pressure off of her. Give her space and suggest that you just be friends. Maybe even invite her to do something with a small group of friends so she doesn’t feel stressed. At this point, you need to stay in her life, even if she doesn’t want a relationship right now. When the time is right, you will know it; she will show you and maybe even straight out tell you. Take it slow and be there for her no matter how “crazy” or “weird” things she says may sound…

I’m not racist or sexist or anything, but we as men will never figure out how women think or why they feel and think like they do. It is our job to support and be there for them if we really care for a girl.

Hope this helps.

Good Luck,

~Jay

P.S.

Sorry about the multiple post. My internet connection sucks.

[exback4ever]

David,

That’s a tough situation you seem to be in. It sounds to me like she either has something going on that you are unaware of or that she is confused as to what she really wants. Like you suggested, you may have scared her when you told her you were falling for her. How old is this girl?

If she is really young, she could be afraid to put her heart back out on the line after her recent break up. Girls are much more emotional than guys and their emotions can cause them to be afraid, confused, or even sad when in a situation like this…. especially younger girls. Believe me, I know…. My wife is 18yrs old… I married her when she was 16… It’s amazing we are still together.

Anyway, it might be a good idea to try to take some pressure off of her. Give her space and suggest that you just be friends. Maybe even invite her to do something with a small group of friends so she doesn’t feel stressed. At this point, you need to stay in her life, even if she doesn’t want a relationship right now. When the time is right, you will know it; she will show you and maybe even straight out tell you. Take it slow and be there for her no matter how “crazy” or “weird” things she says may sound…

I’m not racist or sexist or anything, but we as men will never figure out how women think or why they feel and think like they do. It is our job to support and be there for them if we really care for a girl.

Hope this helps.

Good Luck,

~Jay

[exback4ever]

David,

That’s a tough situation you seem to be in. It sounds to me like she either has something going on that you are unaware of or that she is confused as to what she really wants. Like you suggested, you may have scared her when you told her you were falling for her. How old is this girl?

If she is really young, she could be afraid to put her heart back out on the line after her recent break up. Girls are much more emotional than guys and their emotions can cause them to be afraid, confused, or even sad when in a situation like this…. especially younger girls. Believe me, I know…. My wife is 18yrs old… I married her when she was 16… It’s amazing we are still together.

Anyway, it might be a good idea to try to take some pressure off of her. Give her space and suggest that you just be friends. Maybe even invite her to do something with a small group of friends so she doesn’t feel stressed. At this point, you need to stay in her life, even if she doesn’t want a relationship right now. When the time is right, you will know it; she will show you and maybe even straight out tell you. Take it slow and be there for her no matter how “crazy” or “weird” things she says may sound…

I’m not racist or sexist or anything, but we as men will never figure out how women think or why they feel and think like they do. It is our job to support and be there for them if we really care for a girl.

Hope this helps.

Good Luck,

~Jay

[kyle]

Maybe you should try my approach.Lower your expectations,it´ll calm you down.You´ll find out that she isn´t perfect.Try to live your life and make her come to you,don´t beg or pursue her.You have to give a little and she has to give a little.If it backfires,it wasn´t meant to be..

kyle.

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[someoneinaustx]

Stop chasing her. That’s what she wants. She has all of the control right now and she knows it. She knows that all she has to do is smile at you and you will do whatever she wants. Your eagerness is messing things up for you. Guys do this too often.

Have you ever wondered why the cool, aloof guys get all the girls? Even the ones that aren’t really attractive land some nice women. Why is that? Because they understand women. They understand that their own time is valuable and that if they have to chase a woman then they are wasting their time. Women want guys to like them, and when guys don’t they want to know why and what is going on. Sound familiar? You are the woman in this relationship!!! Quit being the woman!

Stop contacting her so much and make sure she knows the fun things you did when you do. Make sure you mention some friends who were there and make sure you drop the names of some girls. No girl wants to know that a guy she likes is having fun with other girls.

Now here is where you have to pay close attention: if she doesn’t start coming back your way, then she really isn’t into you. You may just be her safety blanket to pass time until the next guy comes along, so you will have to decide if you are OK with that, or if it’s time to move on. My advice is to never be the safety blanket, because you will just be frustrated and NEVER get what you want. She will tease you and just continue to string you along. Women aren’t attracted to men who so willingly cede all the power. It shows you are weak.

I say this from a position of experience, because I used to be you until I learned to play the game… and it is a very silly game… I just paid attention to women one day and studied the situation until I learned how to flip the whole dynamic. I went from chasing to being chased, and let me tell you, it is nice to be on the other side. Just don’t turn into a jerk and abuse your new found power.

Shawn

PS – I don’t mean to be rude, but learn to spell and use proper English. It will help you tremendously in life!

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

It’s easy to see why you’re feeling so frustrated and conflicted. You met someone new who initially seemed very interested, and your connection developed quickly, creating a strong emotional pull. The shift in her behavior after you expressed your feelings likely feels like a rejection, but it’s also important to consider her perspective: she may still be processing her own emotions after a breakup and isn’t ready for a committed relationship. What you interpret as mixed signals may actually be her way of setting boundaries while trying to manage her feelings.

At this point, the healthiest approach is to step back and give her the space she clearly needs. Continuing to pursue her or trying to “prove” yourself risks pushing her further away and can leave you feeling drained and unappreciated. By focusing on your own life, friendships, and activities, you naturally increase your own value and demonstrate confidence a quality that is attractive and can allow her to come to you when she’s ready. The key here is balance: be supportive and present, but not at the expense of your emotional health or self-respect.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you truly want and deserve in a relationship. While it’s tempting to wait for someone who is unsure, investing your time and energy in a person who isn’t ready may prevent you from meeting someone who can fully reciprocate your feelings. This doesn’t mean cutting ties entirely maintaining a friendly connection is fine but it does mean adjusting expectations, lowering the emotional pressure, and giving her space to make her own decisions. Ultimately, relationships thrive on mutual readiness and commitment; if she’s not there yet, the healthiest thing for both of you is patience and self-preservation.

[Member]

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