[logjam25]

Ok so I have been hanging out with this girl for a couple weeks, and I am falling for her fast! She seems to like me a lot also but she dated a guy for 3 years, was engaged, and has been broken up for only 5 months. She always sends me sweet texts, tells me she’s interested, always wants to see me, and she says when she my name pop up on her phone when I text her, it makes her smile. So I can tell she is interested in me. However, last night we went out for dinner, were holding hands, and she starting talking about her ex. I was asking her questions, she was talking about it, and when I asked her if she was ready to start a new relationship now, she said no. She said her ex did a lot of damage to her and her family by all of his lies and how he acted. So after our date I brought up that question again and asked her if she was interested in having a relationship with me in the future. She said, “Interested, yes, the future as to when I have not a clue. but I think the future is bright to be honest.” She also told me that she loves the time that we spend together and that even thought she doesn’t want a relationship right now, she believes she has started a new chapter off with a good person. The other kicker is that I’m 24, just out of college, and she is 18, a senior in high school. However, she is a very mature girl for her age and I know her from my church. She is one of the sweetest and nicest girl I have ever met, which is different for me. She has a lot of the same goals in life that I have and I believe even though she is only 18, that she has a great head on her shoulders and knows what she wants from life. We have planned to hang out twice in this next upcoming week. I’m just not sure what to do right now, if I should do anything different, or if I’m doing everything perfect right now? It seems like everything is going as great as it possibly could go, but the only thing was when I asked her about dating she said “I don’t want a relationship right now”. I’m pretty sure if I keep hanging out with her, kissing her, getting close to her, enjoying each others time, then soon she should like me enough where she wants to be in a relationship with me! Is there any way I can speed up that process? Or maybe I can assure her that I want what’s best for her and that I am willing to wait? I also have to make sure I keep out of the friend zone. So far I’m doing great. I just have to make sure I keep going up, and not leveling off. Maybe I shouldn’t freak out about this, but I can’t help it. I would love some advice on what to do this next week when we hang out, any strategy would be great. I feel like things are going great, but that statement she made really freaked me out! Please, any advice would be awesome!

[littleitaly716]

hello,

I had a similar situation with my current g/f… when we first met she had been engaged and her fiance cheated on her. So now she was dating me, but very hesistant to call it a relationship. She did the exact same thing, would always send me sweet messages, tell her friends and family about me, had me staying over alot, would by me nice little gifts all the time… This causes alot of stress for me because I wasn’t sure where it was heading…but honestly it took her 4 months to finally say ok we are in a relationship and I’m committed to you. When people are hurt and have “baggage” the best advice I can give is ask yourself if you think this girl is worth it…is she going to make you happy short and long term?? Sounds like you are doing everything you can, over time she will trust you more and more and see that you are the kind of guy she should want to be with… so be patient and see how it plays out.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You should balance pursuing her, with understanding that she’s just out of a long-term relationship, and at 18, with this last 3 year relationship in her recent past, she hasn’t had a lot of dating experience. I know you want to rush things, but make sure you don’t rush them so much that she suddenly finds herself in a relationship with you, wishing she could play the field. In other words, balance your short and long term goals.

You’re right not to want to fall into the friend zone, so instead of hanging out, ask her out on a date. Make dates the only way you’ll actually spend time with her, and that way she’ll see your intentions, and she’ll have a choice to see you as a date, or not at all. You don’t have to give her an ultimatum, but do make sure that there’s no hanging out, and there is actual dating. 😉

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