[Stellie]

Hi I’m Stella and I’m 21. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. We have to hide our relationship from both our families and church friends, but she always responds to this saying that at the end of all of this we’ll be rock steady. She doesn’t like talking on the phone much and prefers talking in person, which I respect only we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, and recently she sent me some photos and texts that were meant for someone else. It was nothing major, she was just much more talkative than what she usually is with me but I let it slide when she tried to explain because I hate to fuss about irrelevant issues. We went ice skating the other day and it was by far the best time we had together and she was absolutely glowing in my company and she even talked about us moving in together one day. But lately she’s been very distant. We both have holiday now and the few times I tried to get together, she always seems to have other plans. I totally understand that she’s only 19 and a first year at her university, so I’m giving her the space to experience everything she needs in this new phase of her life, but I get the feeling that something is busy brewing I just don’t know what. She took it a bit far recently though, she had her wisdom teeth removed a few days ago, and when I asked how she was doing afterwards she didn’t even read my message and still hasen’t. I have no idea what’s going on, because she’s behaving like this, but when we’re together we’re as happy and glowy as can be. So I’d really appreciate some advice and input

[AskApril Masini]

First of all, if she had her wisdom teeth out a few days ago and you haven’t received a response to your text about how she’s doing — you might want to consider that she’s in pain or recovering. Oral surgery is no joke! 😉 Why not send her some flowers or a card to show you’re thinking about her? 🙂 Second, you’re right — she’s 19, at college and probably preoccupied a lot of the time. She may even be pulling away because she wants something different at 19 than she did at 17 or 18, while the two of you were dating. If you want to try to keep her in the game, then be someone she wants to be with. 😉 In other words, woo her a little more than you have been. Gifts, cards, generous gestures — these are what will remind her that you care about her and you’re really interested in her and her well being when you’re not together. And third, reconsider why you have to keep your relationship secret. I know that sometimes people aren’t accepting of lesbian relationships, but if you don’t give them a chance to try and be understanding and supportive, you lose that opportunity — and so do they. 😉 I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

[Stellie]

She isn’t really the flower type, but I am trying other things she’ll like, thanks! I will understand if she’s met someone else as we all change as we grow up and people are there for seasons as we need them. Turns out something went wrong with her phone and that’s why she didn’t receive my texts, but I don’t want to make her feel smothered when maybe something is going on. We’re both big conflict avoiders, so talking about deep matters doesn’t come easy. I’m just really unsure because when we’re together we’re never apart and we both glow in each other’s company, so I’m not sure whether I’m just reading things in. The more time we spend together the more we’re getting attached, so she might just be really busy and having fun, which I respect and understand, I just don’t want to be stringed along. The main thing is just when we’re together there’s nothing that gives me any warning signs, so I’m just unsure. But thanks for your feedback I appreciate it

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome.

[Lune David]

Wow… this really hits. That space between what someone says and what they’re willing to commit to is honestly one of the most confusing and painful places to be. You can feel the care, the connection, the “almost”… and yet it never quite becomes enough. That’s what messes with your heart.

The hardest truth here is that someone can genuinely care and still not choose you the way you deserve. That doesn’t make you foolish for feeling deeply.it just means you were brave enough to be open. And you’re right, staying in the “maybe” zone or trying to be just friends usually keeps the wound open instead of letting it heal.

Letting go feels like losing something good, but sometimes it’s really just releasing something that couldn’t grow. This doesn’t read like failure at all it reads like growth. Painful growth, sure, but growth that clears the way for someone who won’t hesitate when it comes to choosing you.

[Member]

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