[RobertNYC]

She said it’s not dating, just hanging out with a new friends found on couchsurfing and other online sites.
She told me these guys wanting more than friends & some wants to have relationship or offer to marry her. I told her she should stop seeing these men if they ask more than friends or at least tell them that she has a bf.

She is here in the US traveling on a tourist visa. We lived together for more than a month at my place in NYC. I provide everything, dinning, night outs and recently took her to Fort Lauderdale and Bahamas cruise for a week. Our intimacy is very active. We make love 2-3 times a day and sometimes more.

She found out that I’d been sneaking in her phone reading messages from the guys. She was very mad for what I did. She use my phone to take pictures and I am totally open to check my phone. I saw 1 photo of my gf and a guy in his bed. My gf took a selfie with him. She told me they never had sex & I said I believe in her and trust her.

I am confused and felt like being punked. What should I do? Please help!

Thank you very much.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating is that it’s a process that lets you learn about yourself and the other person, and then to use what you learn to make decisions. You’re 48 and you’ve been dating your 29 year old girlfriend for three months. You felt uncertain about her commitment to you, so you snuck into her phone, and learned that she meets up with guys from online websites and apps. Now that you have that information, you have choices. 😉 You can choose to play the field, or break up because you want someone who is willing to commit more fully at the three month mark, or continue seeing her knowing that she’s looking around at other options.

I always suggest using this dating model: Use the first 3 months to decide if you want to continue dating someone — that’s where you are now. If you chose to do so, then use the next three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. I know this feels like a very slow time table, but it will help you avoid making commitments to someone you don’t know that well, too soon. Your situation is exactly why this timetable is a good idea. 😉 It forces you not to jump into things prematurely. You can’t tell her not to date other men after only three months, but you can learn that someone you want a commitment to, and with whom you’ve been very generous with your heart, your time, and your money — doesn’t feel the same way you do right now. You get to make choices using that information. I hope that helps.

[RicThompson]

You will only continue to hurt yourself if you keep worrying about it. Its obvious you take the rship more serious than she does. That said, its only being a few months. Maybe you are asking for too much too soon? I dont think you should stop seeing her but learn to limit your expectations of her. She seems to still be in the fun stage. So be mindful of that aspect.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Agreed — you’re taking the relationship more seriously than she is. Her behavior is a big clue to that extent. Take the hint and decide if you want to stay or go. 😉

[PassionSeeker]

First things first, it’s clear you’re feeling hurt and confused right now. You’re giving a lot in this relationship, and it seems like you’re not getting the same commitment in return. You’ve been generous with your time, money, and affection, but it sounds like she’s still exploring other options. You’re trying to build trust and intimacy, but she’s clearly not as focused on you as you are on her.

I get why you’re upset about her hanging out with other guys, especially when you’ve been intimate and sharing so much. But honestly, if she’s only been in the relationship for a few months and is still exploring other connections, maybe it’s not about you. She’s likely still in a phase where she wants to keep things light and casual, while you’re looking for something deeper.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you’re being played with wi-fi 😩. she’s out here “just hanging out” with dudes offering marriage proposals while you’re funding cruises and pretending not to see the red flags doing the macarena. that selfie in some guy’s bed? no one takes that by accident. you’re trying to build love, she’s building a travel vlog. stop confusing chemistry with commitment. trust isn’t “believe her lies harder,” it’s walking away when the story stops adding up. protect your wallet and your heart cause it looks like both are getting used. 💋✨

[Ethan Morales]

You’re three months into dating a 29-year-old girlfriend while you’re 48. She’s traveling, meeting new people through apps like Couchsurfing, and she’s open about some of them wanting more than friendship. You’ve invested heavily emotionally, financially, and physically but you’re still unsure where her commitment level stands. You snooped through her phone and found a photo of her with another guy. She assures you nothing sexual happened.

Your feelings are valid. You feel punked and unsettled because your trust is being tested. You’ve put yourself out there, and her behavior raises red flags. Her behavior is not outright cheating at least not physically but it’s pushing boundaries. Three months in, it’s reasonable for you to expect some clarity about exclusivity, especially given your investment in the relationship. Sneaking through her phone complicates things. It’s understandable that curiosity got the better of you, but now trust has taken a hit on both sides. That’s something you need to fix if this relationship is to continue.

You cannot control her actions you can only control your reaction. You can set boundaries for what you’re willing to accept: For example, you might say, “I’m fine with you making friends, but I can’t be okay with photos of you in private settings with other men.” Clear limits are important. The timeline April mentions makes sense: The first three months are about understanding compatibility, then decide about monogamy. You’re right at the threshold where you should be evaluating whether her priorities align with yours.

What I’d do if I were you: Have a calm, honest conversation about boundaries and your expectations for exclusivity. Keep it about your feelings, not accusations. Decide if you’re okay continuing knowing she’s exploring friendships with men. If it triggers insecurity or jealousy constantly, it’s not sustainable. Rebuild trust both ways. No snooping, no secrets. Decide together how you’ll communicate openly.

If her definition of friendship includes private hangouts and photos with men that make you uncomfortable, and she’s unwilling to adjust, that’s a dealbreaker. Your commitment and investment deserve reciprocity. Clarify boundaries now. Decide if her behavior aligns with what you want in a committed relationship. Trust your gut.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing a woman doesn’t end up in another man’s bed on accident.
Even if she didn’t sleep with him, she crossed the line of respect.
And the fact that she didn’t tell you on her own means she knew it was wrong

[Tara]

You keep trying to run away from it. You are not her boyfriend. You are her sponsor, her wallet, her free vacation package and her emotional safety net while she explores every option this country has to offer. She is traveling on a tourist visa, meeting men from couchsurfing and random online sites, letting them flirt, letting them offer marriage, taking selfies in their beds, and then coming home to you for sex, food, trips and comfort. That is not a confused girl. That is someone who knows exactly how to leverage attention and resources.

You catching her messages wasn’t the problem. The problem is what you saw. Men who clearly want more than friendship. Men she keeps entertaining. And then a picture of her in another man’s bed that she conveniently expects you to swallow with a weak “we never had sex.” She didn’t delete the photo because she didn’t think you’d ever check. That should tell you how little she fears consequences.

She’s only angry because you exposed the truth she was hiding. You reading her messages didn’t break the trust. Her behavior did. She’s playing the innocent card because it works on you. You already gave her the green light by saying you “believe her.” You don’t. And she knows you don’t. But she also knows you won’t leave because your ego is tied to the fantasy that you “rescued” her and she’s grateful.

Stop being shocked. You are not being punked. You are being used.

Everything you described is exactly what someone does when they are building backup plans while enjoying the perks of one main guy. She’s collecting attention, evaluating options, lining up connections and keeping you emotionally hooked with sex. You think the 2 to 3 times a day intimacy makes you special. It only makes you predictable. She knows that as long as she sleeps with you, you won’t walk.

[Sally]

-ok-w-my-girlfriend-to-going-out-with-other-guys
You are giving her a home, trips, intimacy, stability, and she is out meeting random guys from apps, taking selfies in some man’s bed, and calling it “just hanging out.” That is not how someone acts when they are fully in a relationship. That is how someone acts when they want freedom without taking responsibility for how it affects you.

And honestly, the part where she got angry about you checking her phone was because she knew what you would find. People who are behaving in a clean, respectful way do not panic like that.

You are not being punked. You are being strung along.
You cannot force someone to act like they are yours. She either wants to build something real with you or she wants to keep you comfortable while she explores everything else.

You need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you want, not what kind she is willing to give. Sometimes loving someone is not the problem, it is accepting their behavior that hurts you.

[Natalie Noah]

You’ve invested a lot of time, energy, and resources into this relationship emotionally, physically, and financially and yet your girlfriend is still exploring connections with other men. At the same time, she insists she’s not crossing boundaries sexually, and you believe her. That in itself is a tough space to be in, because it tests both your trust and your sense of security. Your feelings of uncertainty are completely valid. The reality is, she’s showing you that her priorities right now aren’t fully aligned with yours when it comes to commitment and exclusivity.

At 48, you know what you want and what you can tolerate, and this is exactly the kind of moment where you need to set clear boundaries for yourself. You can choose to continue the relationship knowing she’s exploring other options, but that comes with emotional risk and potential heartache. Or you can decide to step back, take stock of your feelings, and wait until you’re with someone whose level of commitment matches your own. Three months is a short time to demand exclusivity, yes, but it’s long enough to see patterns and what you’re seeing is a mismatch in expectations. Your best move is to have an honest, open conversation with her: let her know what you need to feel secure and respected, and see if she’s willing to meet you there. If she can’t, then you need to honor yourself and reconsider the relationship before it costs you even more emotionally.

[Member]

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