[paulalove]

Hello April.

I would like to know your opinion about an issue which bothers me. Four month ago I started a new relationship with a new boy who I had met two month before. The question was that I started with him the same day a broke up with my previous boyfriend of a six years of relationship. I broke up with my exboyfriend because I feel that our relationship was bored (I am 27 yo, he was 31) and that make me feel attraction to another guy. I broke up with him before something with the new guy happens. Since I broke up with him I felt terrible, with a lot of pain and culpability to make him suffer. He spent several weeks trying to contact me. I ignored many of the intents because I felt very bad, with a lot of culpability. The few times I spoke with him I was crying all the time I ended the conversation in a fast way because he said things to me where he made me see that I had behaved the worst way possible. I never told him that I have a new boyfriend, and I truly believe he doesn’t know it yet. The time when I feel with pain alternated with the time I feel very in love with my new boyfriend. My exboyfriend had the advantages that I was his first relationship and that makes me feel very loved and I felt I “was the one”, the problem was the sex, because I did not feel truly sex attraction and I started to have some sexual problems related with my inhability to feel that kind of attraction.

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you rebounded with this new boyfriend. When you break up from a six year relationship — starting a new one the very next day doesn’t give you time to process the break up. 😕 That said, it sounds like you’re happy with this new boyfriend, and you feel guilty about hurting your ex by breaking up with him. The reality is that break ups hurt — and because you were his first relationship, his pain may be even stronger. 🙁 But if you get back in touch with him, you may either give him false hope, or, if you tell him you’re dating someone new, you may hurt him even more, but give him the opportunity to realize it’s truly over because you’ve moved on and so should he. But if you’re having second thoughts about continuing in this relationship, chances are, it’s because it was a rebound relationship that helped you get over the break up. It may not be the last relationship you’ll have, but it is serving a purpose for you. If, however, you find that you’re uncomfortable in this new relationship because you just didn’t really have the chance to grieve the end of the six year relationship, then my advice would be to try and be single for a while. Six years with one person, that ends in a break up is a big deal. I think you haven’t let yourself really feel that, yet.

I hope that helps.

[Member]

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