[Kleeky]

I ended a long marriage 2 years ago after my husband cheated (again). My only serious relationship. Cheating aside, he was loving, attentive and treated me very well. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. He was married for 10 years and when that ended he started a relationship with a very abusive woman, whom he says he loved deeply. After 18 months he finally broke it off with her. She did a lot of damage to him and he seems to have such a lot of emotional baggage. He let me know early on that he wasn’t interested in falling in love. He’s different from my ex. He says he cares and shows me he does, but very firmly says he doesn’t love me. He treats me well and shows me alot of affection, but I feel like I meet his needs, but he doesn’t meet mine. Our sex drives seem to be different – he can take it or leave it. I’m not his type physically, because he’s told me what features he finds attractive. He plans his future and some things like holidays include me but most don’t, like living together. Sometimes I just go back to my place and cry, I guess because we are actually very compatible.
The funny thing is I don’t know if I love him. Or I’m not able to love him because it won’t be returned. I didn’t get that falling in love thing at the start. I care very deeply about him, but is that love? I’ve only got one other relationship to draw on and it was dysfunctional. So my question is do I stay with him knowing if he doesn’t love me by now he probably never will? I feel like those words are so important to me and that love is integral to a relationship.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re 42 and he’s 39. You’re both divorced, and after a year of dating each other, he doesn’t love you (and isn’t looking for love), doesn’t meet your sexual needs and is clear with you that you’re not his physical type. 😯 If you’re looking for a committed, loving relationship, I don’t think this is going to be one that brings you happiness in the long run (or the short run). Why not try to find a man who thinks you’re a goddess? And who is great in bed? And who loves you? 😉 I think you can do better — but you have to believe you deserve better and you have to want better. That you wrote me asking if you should end it, implies you know you should. Get back out there and play the field. Be clear about what you want in a relationship and don’t waste time with someone who isn’t turned on by you, or who doesn’t want love. 😉 And be glad it’s only one year in, and not more than that. Next! 😀

[Adil]

Listen! When a guy says “you’re not my type” but still stays with you, he’s just using you to pass the time. You’re a “comfort zone” for him, not a “prize”. The day he finds his “type”, he’ll leave you behind in a second.
AskApril was absolutely right that you’re 42, and you’re wasting your time on a man who doesn’t find you sexy, doesn’t love you, and isn’t good in bed. End this relationship immediately. Find a man who thinks you’re a “Goddess” and appreciates you.

[Member]

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