[deedeewill]

There is this guy at work who I have had my eye on for over a year now, when I first started working at the office he appeared to have noticed me as well. However I am a sort of standoffish person and I prefer to feel people out before getting close to them. We’ve exchanged simple greetings before (such as Good Morning) but we have never had a conversation. I find this strange because all the other guys at work talk to me a lot, but never him. I don’t believe that he knows I am attracted to him because I try to avoid showing my feelings in fear of getting hurt. I even asked two friends of his at the office about his personality, as I wanted to get a better understanding of the type of person he is. However both persons told me that he is a good man, but he likes to party and changes his women a lot. I don’t know why, but I just can’t seem to forget about him, I wish that I could get to know him better and make my own assessment rather that relying on the opinions of others (even if we just become friends), however I am so scared to talk to him, I even added him as friend on Facebook, but I still can’t muster up the guts to chat with him. Also I don’t know if this means anything, but I wished him Happy birthday on Facebook, however when my Birthday came along he did not return the favor, does this mean he is not interested. I need some advice, should I forget about him or should I try to get to know him. I am also hesitant because I feel that if he was interested in me, then he would have made a move a long time ago despite the fact that I have walls around myself.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You really can’t expect a man to approach a woman who isn’t friendly or doesn’t show interest in him. 😳 I know you’re scared and shy, but until you take responsibility for your own part in a relationship — even if it’s just the beginning of a flirty “query” to a guy in your office — there’s no reason for you to think he’s going to be interested in you. 😕 Put yourself in his shoes, and imagine what it’s like to be him, considering who to flirt with or date. He’s going to look for someone who throws him a bone and flashes him a hot smile! 🙂

Try conquering this fear of failure and rejection. Understand that all relationships and dating in general, requires some rejections and even getting dumped — but you’ll never even know if he likes you if you don’t put yourself up to bat, knowing you may strike out or connect with the ball!

Try smiling at him. Flirting with him. Striking up small talk. And give him reason to notice you. Relying on third party information about someone — or even using social media as your primary resource to connect — isn’t nearly as good as the real thing: face to face contact.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[deedeewill]

There is this guy at work that I have been interested in for the past two years but never had the guts to talk to besides work related stuff. However I did ask another co-worker what type of person he was to help me decide whether or not I should try to get to know him. But decided against it because I was told I was not his type, whatever that means.About a month ago his immediate supervisor who I also have a good working relationship with told me that the same guy I liked told him that he admires me and that I hardly pay any attention to him.
I have to admit I was skeptical because he never really made any attempts to talk to me on a personal level, I added him on Facebook since last year and he never tried to communicate with me and I was also concerned because who would discuss a crush on someone with their supervisor.
After hearing this I decided to take a chance and send him a Facebook message, just to say hello. To which he replied hello. I then asked him how he was, he replied, fine and you? About a week before (a Friday)he came to my office (we work in the same organization, but not in the same office), to copy some documents, however we did not see each other on that day because I was in the lunch area which is not visible to persons in the front of the office where the copier is located, but somehow I guess he knew I was there. Then the next Tuesday he came once again to make copies and this time I was in plain sight and he asked my other co-worker to make the copies for him and I was sitting right there. So later that night I was checking Facebook and I saw his last reply (i’m fine and you), so I decided just to make some conversation as I was unable to think of anything else to say. So I asked him in these exact words smiley and everything (i’m okay, so today why did’nt you ask me to copy the stuff for you, why did you ask someone else ) However this was just my attempt at making conversation and was not meant to control him or tell him who he should have asked to assist him, this was not my intention at all.
He then replied (well since my x-ray vision don’t work behind walls..)
I took his response as sarcasm and I was also confused because the response was not in relation to my question. He replied to me as though I had asked him about the Friday and not the Tuesday. After internalizing his response, I replied (0k ). The next Monday (my first time seeing him in person since this exchange online, he called our office phone and asked to speak to my co-worker, his tone over the telephone was kind but impersonal and unfriendly. After I gave the phone to my co-worker and they spoke, about ten minutes later he came to our office and I saw him give her something to copy. I ignored them and went about my duties as usual, however after sometime I got up and went to the bathroom and remained there until he left.I have not sent him a message since, this happened late September.

I don’t understand why he responded like this, if his response were related to what I had asked, even if it was sarcastic I would have brushed it off as him trying to be humorous and witty. But it came across as mean and as though he did not understand what was asked. I just thought that since he spoke to someone about me, maybe he was just shy and was waiting for me to reach out to him first. But now I am not so sure, and he never sent me any messages since then either. So I am taking this as a lack of interest on his part, I used to encounter him a lot at work but now I never see him because it seems as though he is hiding from me. I just don’t understand. Is the onus on me to continue to pursue this? Did I take things too seriously. However I ensured that I did not create any bad blood between us, so I don’t understand what I did. Should I continue to leave him alone or should I try one more time as we got off to a bad start?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for re-posting this here. 🙂

It sounds like you’ve like this guy for almost two years now, but you haven’t made it clear to him [i]by flirting with him[/i], that you’re interested in a relationship that’s more than just office-based. 😎 Use your powers as a woman to flirt with him and let him know you’re interested and you find him attractive. And if he is attracted to you, he’ll seek you out. 😉

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