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I’ve met someone recently, things happened very fast, he asked me to be his girlfriend at first I said slow it down lets get to know each other better, he asked me a few days later again and said he wants to make me really happy. He’s had a really bad car accident and is a bit disfigured but I really like him as a person he has a great personality.
Damn it I gave it a go and said yes, I thought if it doesn’t work so be it.

Since then he’s been amazing we connect so well he’s so affectionate he’s already telling me he loves me (I’m well aware guys say what a girl wants to hear but it seems so genuine) takes me out all the time, introduced me to his friends, has told his family about me that live in the country, wants me to meet them. Has a little girl he wants me to meet her, often pays, talks about the future and goes into depth. He’s met my younger son I was a little apprehensive because my little one has really taken to him, he fixed his bed bought parts and fixed his DVD player, he wants to meet my older son and has invited him over, he texts/calls at least 8 times a day. I live over 2 hours away but he visits me at my place so I don’t have to travel and it won’t cost me fuel.

But…
He had a very bad car accident nearly died said he has a soft spot for his ex because she sat with him for weeks in hospital. He said he doesn’t want me to financially contribute to his home incase something went wrong with us and he wouldn’t have to pay me out.

He’s gone to his parents house for Christmas to see his daughter and parents in the country and going fishing with his dad on boxing day etc. and he’ll see me NYE. It’s a week away, we’ve been spending just about everyday together all of a sudden it’s a week.

His best friends are swingers he told me I could skinny dip with them (and him) He told me he wouldn’t get jealous if I have male friends it’s ok with him. I confronted him with the being naked in front of another man and telling me he loved me he said he was joking it would never happen. But it concerns me that he said he’d love to see me with another woman too.

I feel so left out over Christmas, he said he would never want me to choose him over my kids and giving me the time with them he said it’s the last Christmas you’ll have without me.

I’m really confused. Am I being used or do you think that he’s ok, I’m thinking maybe if I put my foot down and tell him how it is we might be able to make it work, or do you think this is a destined to be doomed relationship.

I’ve got many conflicting answers.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Thanks so much for your advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How long have you been dating him?

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I posted a reply it saved as a draft now I can’t find it, anyway.
About a month, I know it’s not long and we ran before we walked but we both knew what we wanted and connected so well, we both make each other happy (well he tells me and I seem to)
I’m from au we have had Christmas, he called and text me all day toward the end he said I’ve had a really s**t day, I asked why he said he got his mother to pick up his daughter and when she arrived she was sooky and wanted to go back to her mum and he said he’s been missing me and wished I had have been with him for Christmas.

I do have trusting issues, It’s just those few things that have me worried about him I hope he’s not just telling me things to keep me on a rope. Thanks April xx

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem is that you’ve only been dating a month, and you don’t know him that well, so you really shouldn’t be making decisions about the relationship that imply permanency. The first three months of dating is a time when you both should decide if you want to continue dating each other. That’s why it’s entirely appropriate for him to spend Christmas with his family.

However, his wanting to see you having sex with a woman is a flashing red light. I’ve advised couples over and over again that whenever there’s a menage a trois or swinging or any kind of sharing in the relationship, it’s doomed. What may seem like a favor or excitement and open-mindedness at first, always turns into a threesome and eventually a break up. If he wants sex with you and someone else, my advice is to move on.

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Thanks for your reply, I confronted him with the other woman or swinging issues and he said he was sorry he’s all mouth but come to it he’s really shy and couldn’t or wouldn’t. This might be just me but he does live over an hour away he’s been coming to see me most of the time but I have been going to his place. He said because of work he’d like a couple of nights at his place, he meant by himself, I was ok with this but I might be reading into it too much when my girlfriend said ‘why??’ she said it sounds suss to me, I think he’s got someone else on the go does that really sound suspicious to you?
Thanks April

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure what you mean when you wrote that you think he’s got someone else “on the go”. If you think he’s dating other people, then the answer is yes — he is, and he should, as should you. 😉 You’ve only been seeing him for a month, and most people are still playing the field until around the three month mark when they decide whether or not they want to continue seeing someone.

My advice is to get to know him better, and don’t invest so much of your time and energy into someone you’re not sure about yet. 😉

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