[Octavianus]

We have 5 months left to our wedding. This year, we only meet once or twice per week and that’s OK with me. I didn’t even mind much about the phone calls that’s pretty seldom and we have been fighting about communication. I have been unhappy with his late response to my texts that’s usually could take up to a day. I’ve brought it up many times before and it’s even worst when we fought. He would went missing for hours till a day at least. When he replied he would cited reasons like his phone died on him or her fell asleep. And I always give him a benefit of a doubt.

So last week when he went missing again for 12 hours and never even apologize, I got mad and I went silent too. It’s a bad move. He called me twice on Wednesday and texted me. On Thursday, he texted me mentioning he tried to reach me and asking how I was. I didn’t hear from him on Friday. I gave him a call on Friday with the intention to talk it out and explain why I gave us the space. He cancelled my call, ignored my texts and he went on airplane mode. I sent a text saying I am sorry and to forgive me (I sound pathetic here but I know what I did is not who I am. I am usually the one to resolve things asap.)

It’s now going to the 5th day (Sunday) of not talking and a week since we last spent time together. I tried to reach him on Saturday afternoon but unable to and I just decided to let him be. Is this a sign I should probably cancel off the wedding? His parents are against our marriage due to different cultural background. I have not much to hold on to especially now that he’s giving me the silence.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No, I don’t think you should call off the wedding. That would be a rash move that’s just another step in this escalating communication break down. You’ve been dating for two years and it sounds like the problems just started a little while ago because you felt that you weren’t getting enough communication. The thing is, it sounds like there was something underlying this issue of communication. I know you don’t like it when he goes silent, but what do you think he’s doing when he goes silent? Are you afraid of his being with someone else? Losing interest in you? Being someone who is petty? Cheating on you? In other words, what are you afraid is happening when you can’t reach him or don’t hear from him? It sounds like his silence triggers some fear in you and you panic and start acting out. That’s why cancelling the wedding is a bad idea. It would just be more acting out. Instead, stop the spiral downward. You have a lot invested here. Don’t blow it on this. See if you can work it out first — especially after two years of dating. 😉

I think that as hard as it is, you should give him space to contact you. Let him be the one to reach out next. And when you do connect with him, don’t engage in fighting. Instead, tell him you missed him and you can’t wait to see him again. See if you can get back on track by breaking the cycle of passive aggressive behavior that you’ve both engaged in, and instead of being mad at him, let him know you love and miss him and can’t wait to see him again. This will be a behavioral change for you — but you can do it! 🙂 And keep your eye on the ball. Your wedding is in five months from now. Focus on the wedding — and try not to sabotage the relationship because you’re frustrated that you’re not having as much communication as you’d like to be. Long distance relationships require a lot more patience and understanding for exactly this type of situation! It’s a lot harder to keep in touch with someone who’s not in your city, state or country, and you have to allow for a lot more than you would if you were in the same place.

I hope that helps. 😉 Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Member]

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