[J1981]

We have been friends for 15 years but never in the same place/time to try anything romantic even though it has always been talked about. A month ago we ran into each other and went to grab drinks, 6 hours of effortless talking. I couldn’t get her off my mind the whole next week so I asked her out for dinner. The dinner was nothing but laughing and having a great time for 5 hours (,talked about her daughter as well) she even asked me to go to the beach for the weekend and I accepted. I was nervous about the trip but it was just like the dinner dates, we had amazing time and she even initiated sex. It was dream trip of passion & excitement. The 3rd week she asked me to come to dinner with her & her daughter and as nervous as I was it went amazing. 2 days later I get text from her saying her anxiety was messing with her and she thought we should just remain friends! She agreed to meeting and talking, she admitted that her anxiety had her thinking all negative “what if’s” what happens if I can’t handle dating a single mom with anxiety & I decided to leave her. I listened and told her I’m not going anywhere, for whatever reason the world keeps bringing her back in to my life and I’m not going anywhere. She apologized for letting her anxiety get the best of her and wanted to continue slowly to see where the relationship is going. My question is, she seems reluctant to call/text me and it seems like I’m the one initiating contact & im the one terrified of getting invested and her running away, is there any words of encouragement & advice on how to proceed with a woman I truly care about?

[AskApril Masini]

I understand your fear of rejection. It’s very common. You’re afraid of things not working out and losing contact with her. But I can tell you what’s worse than rejection: regret. If you lose her because you never get a shot, and she was the one, you’ll feel a lot worse than you do because you’re afraid of rejection or things not working out. Let that be your motivation.

Get out of the friend zone and be the guy. Your’e the one who’s responsible for asking her out, making the first moves and leading. She may be anxious because she sees your reticence to invite her out on a date or initiate sex. This may make her think you’re just going along and are not that into her, in spite of your having a great time. From her point of view, you’re not taking the lead — and that’s probably from your point of view, as well. Your taking the lead is what will send her the message that you’re in. Be careful to behave in a way that reflects your intention.

Hope that helps! 🙂

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