[MollyJones]

I have been married for 22 years and we have 4 kids. The youngest is 11. My hubby and . I have never had the greatest sex life. He was raised very religious and views sex as sinful. Basically, we had sex to have kids, and even then it was over in 5 minutes.
He also has never been very affectionate. He is a wonderful father, takes care of the kids, and has never been abusive. I do care for him, but want more.
I tried to get him to go to marriage therapy, but he refuses. He says nothing is wrong.
We never go out alone. He believes we must always go with the entire family.
I had an affair last summer that he found out about. He refuses to talk about it and acts like it never happened
I cannot leave due to money
What can I do? 😥

[AskApril Masini]

There are a couple of things you can do to try and make your marriage better. 😉

If your sex life is flagging, you can try and spark it a little bit on your own. For instance, it sounds like after 22 years and four children, your marriage may be in a sexual rut that is [i]normal[/i], and has nothing to do with the fact that your husband has a limited view of sex. Lots of people in long term marriages have sex lives that flag — in fact, people in shorter marriages than yours have the same problem, so you’re not alone in wanting better sex in your marriage. Twenty-two years with the same person is a lot of familiarity, and familiarity can dull excitement and mystery which are parts of great sex. 😎 Understanding that this isn’t an unusual problem may be the first step for you to get out of your unhappiness. There are others with your problem. 😉

So, when you have this issue, there are things that YOU can do, because it sounds like you’re the one who is going to have to get the ball rolling here. So, see if you can entice him without coming out and telling him what you’re doing. Let him walk in on you having a candlelit bath with soft music playing. Buy new lingerie and surprise him with it on. Flirt with him — which is a lot harder to do in a 22 year old marriage than in a 22 month old marriage, I know — but it’s a good tool to get things back on track. Send him love letters that are short notes or long missives, about all the things you appreciate about him. In other words, he may have his ideas about sex, but he married you, and you’re part of the equation, and you have power in the marriage to move him. 😎 Be the seductress who wins him over in the way you want to.

As for spending time with just him, since the youngest is 11, it shouldn’t be too difficult to find a night when all the kids are “farmed out” where the two of you can see a movie or have dinner. It’s different than if you had four kids where the oldest one is 11. 🙂 So, work with what you do have, and try to look at the glass as half full, not half empty — and don’t rely on him to get this sexual relationship back on track — do your own part and that will be the catalyst here.

Let me know if you have any more questions! And let meek now how things go.

[MollyJones]

I recently hooked up again with my high school boyfriend after 30 years apart. He just got divorced after being married for 28 years. His wife left him for a younger man
I realized I still had feelings for him, and had thought about him many times over the years.
I thought we both felt the same way. He said that he did. He wrote me letters (he never writes so that was hard for him)
He also is into the BDSM lifestyle and wants numerous subs. I was his main sub, but since I lived 500 miles away and could not be with him all the time, he found other women.
I helped him organize his house, take care of his bills, get his life back together. When this was done, he shut me out of his life, saying we fight too much. He now loves another woman.
He dud treat me bad – he threw me out if his house in the middle of the night because I refused to have a threesome with him and his new girlfriend. I had to sleep in my car that night
He has blocked me on all social media and even blocked me from his daughter (who is depressed cuz of the divorce and his many women) Last time I saw him, he was very caustic and mean to me when I was trying to fix our friendship. He left me at a casino for 5+ hours, knowing I had no money.
I know he’s a jerk, but I still have feelings for him
He had promised that we were going into a business together so I did a lot of work for it. I bought and gave him many things with the idea we were doing this business
Can I ask for the items back and compensation for all of my work now that he broke the contract? 😐

[AskApril Masini]

Yikes…. it sounds like you have feelings for someone who treats you very poorly. 😥 Why not just work on your marriage 😉 — or if you’re going to have an affair, at least pick someone who’s nice to you! 🙂 You may want to ask yourself why you want someone who doesn’t want you. 😳 Or someone who doesn’t treat you well. There may be an answer to your broader problems, including your marriage, in those answers.

As for your question about compensation…. I think you’re confusing a promise that a guy you were hooking up with made in order to keep you hooking up with him, with a business contract. If you have a real contract that you feel was breached, you can contact a lawyer to find out if you’re entitled to compensation. That’s my advice. But it really sounds a lot more like you’re a spurned lover who’s looking for revenge on the guy who dumped her, than a legitimate business partner who had a contract that was breached…

I know you’re upset, and I feel badly for you because of what you’re going through, but it will help a lot if you can stay focused on what you want, and how to get it. Decide what you want in life, and if you want to stay in your marriage then you have to work hard on it. If you want to get out of your marriage, then you’ll have to work hard there, too. But it’s a really good idea to pick one road or the other and focus on a getting a happy, healthy life. 🙂

Let me know if that helps, and if you have any more questions.

[Member]

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