[danzzer4lifee]

okay. So heres in short my problem.

i met a guy over the internet. lives in a different country, We talked for a year and fell deeply in love. At the time i had NEVER gone on a date and had NEVER had a boyfriend. Im 18. Then about 2 months ago he decided that we needed to break up because he wouldnt be able to come see me and he thought it unrealistic that we call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend.

At this point i was crushed and despite trying not to, i clung on to the shreds of the relationship for a little while trying to get him to want me again. In the beginning he was cold towards me, and even told me i should accept the truth and get a “real” boyfriend.

but at the same time he told me that he still wanted me to be apart of his life, and urged me to continue talking to him.

So i decided to try to move on. I found it was kinda easy, because i had never touched nor met him in real life, but at the same time it has been hard because i love him. However, within a month(yes i know this was fast) i found someone new who fancied me. This guy is extremely sweet and lovable and he has now taken me out on my first date ever. He has expressed how much he likes me and whatnot. and i know for a fact that i like him too. After our first date my X got wind of the fact that i had been out on a date and sent me a message saying how he was offended that i started dating so early. He has recently sent me a message saying

“i’m not acting weird but yeah i dont like it when u r with other guys dating and stuff (typical jealousy)

the source of my decision was not because i lost my love to u, i mean i accept it .. i still of course have feelings for u … it’s just i’m not sure when and where i’ll be in the US … sooo i just dont want to sell lies to u.. cause i cannot lie to u.. and thats why i took a decision like this… like i always say, if u were here living with me i would never want to break up with u… just because i broke up it doesnt mean that i dont love u … i still love u too… and that’s what hurts …

to be not able to kiss u when i love u .. this is the reality that hurts …”

He never revealed these feelings before now, and im SOOOOOOOOO confused on what to do,

i mean i love this guy, so naturally i feel the urge to sympathize with him, but at the same time he DID break up with me and really hurt me by doing so,

Do you think that he is being open about his emotions all of a sudden because im with someone?

If u were me what would you do, go for the love, despite the fact that it may be a year before u see him and with the fact that ur not sure what he wants, or go for the guy who is close and sweet and you know likes you a lot.

i know that if i push my X out of my life, i will fall for this new guy because he is amazing, but right now my X is preventing me to progress in the falling process, but its difficult for me to want to fall for someone else when im still in love…

I know im young lol and ur probly thinking “why doesnt she just go to her friends or mom” but those sources are unreliable, my moms a feminist and my friends, well i dnt have any “best” friends.

and yes, i have seen my X on camera and in photos, i know he is real and not a random creeper.no worries. 🙂

uhg. please help.
i need all the advice i can get!

thnx

[AskApril Masini]

You should pursue the relationship with the man who visits you in person, takes you out on dates, and is available to you in the present, and for a real future, not just one in cyberspace.

The relationship with your ex-boyfriend whom you’ve never met in person, is emotional, but it’s not physical. He’s not available to take you for a walk, to the movies, or to hold your hand and kiss you. You need to be with someone who’s available to you.

The internet is a great tool for meeting people and exploring relationships, but if your one and only boyfriend is only someone you see on the internet and never in real life, that’s not healthy.

Your ex-boyfriend was right when he broke up with you and told you to get a real boyfriend. I suspect that the way he “got wind” as you call it, of your new boyfriend is because you told him about the new relationship. Since he doesn’t live in your country, there’s no other way he could have found out about it. You were subconsciously punishing him for breaking up with you. And it worked. You hurt him the same way that he hurt you. Now, stop that pattern. If you don’t he’s going to get you to break up with your new boyfriend, then he’s going to hurt you by dating someone and so on and so on.

Don’t jeopardize this new relationship with old baggage that doesn’t have to be. Enjoy your new relationship and let go of your past today.

[simplicity]

In a way, from reading this, it seems a bit unfair that he still has this hold on you. I understand you and your ex had something, but when he breaks up with you, he chose to let go.

And now when you find a new bit of happiness, he attempts to get you back after which therefore confuses you. But I understand how it feels to be in this position, I understand that you still have feelings for him, whether you met him or not, he was still someone you really liked. And you probably will have an emotional attachment to him for a while, but please, try to move on. It only gets harder to break away.

But if I were you, go for this new guy. See how things evolve in this new relationship in real life. Don’t let this opportunity pass you by, and this new guy will probably help you move on from your ex. Its not a bad thing to live your life. This new guy is real, he’s huggable, kissable, and basically, something physical you can touch.

It’s going to be hard to break away from your ex, esp. since you two were together for so long. But try. Because sometimes, holding on to something in the past, isn’t good thing. It’s heart breaking to keep looking back and reminiscing.

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Please let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

This is a delicate and emotional situation, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling torn. On one hand, you have your ex who you fell deeply in love with and have shared a significant emotional bond with, even though it was all online. On the other hand, you have someone new who is physically present, attentive, and showing you care in a way that your ex simply cannot because of the distance and circumstances. The heart wants what it wants, and your feelings for your ex are valid, but it’s important to recognize the difference between emotional attachment and practical, real-life compatibility. Your ex’s sudden openness about his feelings now, especially in response to your new dating life, could very well be triggered by jealousy or the fear of losing you to someone else. It doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is viable or that he’s ready to be a real partner in your life right now.

It’s crucial to weigh availability and real-life connection in love. The new guy is able to be there for you in tangible ways going on dates, holding your hand, sharing experiences, and building a bond that exists in the real world. These shared, lived experiences are what ultimately sustain relationships long-term. Your ex, though emotionally important to you, exists in a space that isn’t physically present or practically available to share a life with you. The fact that he broke up with you because he couldn’t commit to a long-distance relationship, and is only now expressing regret, shows that his love is limited by circumstance. You have to consider your own well-being and the life you want to build, not just the emotional pull of what could have been.

The healthiest move here is to allow yourself to fully experience your new relationship. Give yourself permission to fall for someone who is present and invested in you in ways your ex cannot be. Holding onto the ex, even subconsciously, is preventing you from fully exploring a connection that is tangible and promising. Let go of the past and focus on what is real and accessible. It will be difficult at first, especially since your emotional attachment to your ex is strong, but creating boundaries with him and focusing on the present allows you to protect your heart and gives you a chance at genuine happiness. Choosing someone who can be with you now does not diminish your love for your ex; it honors your growth and your need for a partner who can meet you where you are.

Remember that you’re young, and this is a learning period in love and relationships. It’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to have feelings that are complicated. What matters is making choices that respect your heart, your time, and your emotional health. Prioritize the relationship that exists in the here and now, with someone who is available and ready to invest in you, rather than holding onto someone who, however beloved, cannot realistically be present in your life. This is the best way to honor both yourself and the love you deserve.

[Member]

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