[Anonymous]

April,
I’m not sure how I ended up on your site, but here I am…I’m a 39 yr old professional male with a great job and a great life, that until recently thought things were going about as well as they could. I’ve been single since ending a long-term relationship a year ago, and although I’ve been a “relationship guy” most of my adult life, I’ve enjoyed the life of a bachelor. I’ve met some amazing women in the process, but no one that would make me want to be exclusive. Somehow in the last 5 weeks my life has gone from care-free to riddled with stress and tough decisions, where to begin…five weeks ago I met the girl of my dreams…if I had sat down with God to design my soul mate, he could not have done a better job. She is smart, funny, sweet, caring, considerate, understanding, and sexy – and on top of all that, the most hypnotically beautiful woman on which I have ever laid eyes. We have a chemistry that is so overwhelming that all around us sense it without a word, and I crave her in a way I did not believe existed…sounds perfect, right? Two weeks ago, a girl that I met this summer and had a brief fling with, called to inform me that she is three months pregnant with my child…I’m torn in a way I have never been before, and have acted as I thought I never would. I’ve spent every waking and sleeping hour thinking of how to tell the “one”. I’m the type of guy who takes care of his responsibilities, and the thought of having a child (I’m not getting any younger) despite the lack of planning is a blessing. The responsible side of me tells me I should stop seeing my love, and at least give my “baby mama” (sorry I couldn’t resist) and I a shot for the baby’s sake. I’m not going to propose because of a pregnancy, but I feel obligated to give it a chance, am I wrong? How do I tell this amazing woman that I’m head over heels for that I have a child by another woman coming in a few months? Any words of advice would be appreciated, as I have yet to tell a soul of the ‘situation’ in which I have placed myself. Thanks for your time…

[Ask April Masini]

You are not wrong to try and give it a chance with your baby mama (I know, it’s a gangsta term, but I’ve channeled my inner gangsta, too). The child deserves to have two parents, and every kid wants their parents to be married and happy. So now that it’s not just you that you have to care about, putting the child’s best interests first shows good character on your part, and I can tell that that is important to you.

As for your new girlfriend of 5 weeks, you should tell her the truth. Just blurt it out, and fill in the blanks. It’s great to find someone with whom you have awesome chemistry, who is beautiful and caring, and all the superlatives you used to describe her. However, life is more than just what we want. It’s ultimately about doing the right thing. So don’t be torn any more. Your soul mate may just be this child that’s coming — soul mates aren’t always romantic partners. Buckle up for your daughter or son, and see if you can make it work with your baby mama. 🙂

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