[Lyell]

Pretty long winded guys but I’ll try to make this as short as possible. so ive been dating this guy for 3 years now. We met in work, it was love at first sight. Within a month we were dating and madly in love. Long story short, the relationship was passionate. Madly passionate. Ive been in a few mature relationships but this one was addictive. He is eastern european and although similar we had different cultural ways about us, naturally, which both added passion, fun, fighting, and learning in our relationship, we split up twice for a month. he split up with me both times. He would get into these deep dark moods and always cut me off so coldly, never really getting an explanation each time. Just one of those “i cant do this anymore, im sorry” kinda thing. I was heartbroken. He came back both times saying he missed me and he was willing to try again if we both made more of an effort to be a partnership, work toward a future etc. which we did. We decided to try for a baby. We were trying for a few months and i recieved a text one morning while he was at work and i was off. Yes. A TEXT. Read along the lines of, i cant pretend to be happy anymore just for your sake, its not fair. Please bare in mind there was no argument, up until the day before i recieved this txt he told me i was the love of his life, we were supposed to be flying to his country to visit his family soon, constantly txt and wanted to be with me, kisses cuddles etc. Then he said in the next text I only wanted to try for a baby cos you wanted to. My world has come crashing down around me. How can my best friend give up on us so randomly suddenly and so cold. Without any remorse? I have taken into account another woman. But i really dont think its on the cards as he was constantly in work (were i work also, spent all of his spare time with me, and was never secretive with his phone, facebook etc. i dont want to keep analyzing this forever id just like to hear opinions. Bare in mind this is the 3rd time hes blanked me so suddenly before coming back weeks later, it hurts more this time cos i know its final about what he said about trying for a baby… 🙁 Thanks guys

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Love at first sight is often followed, eventually, by this type of break up that seems to be without warning. 🙁 People who are spontaneous and jump without looking, will do so into [i]and[/i] out of a relationship. Your confusion about his leaving suddenly can be solved by understanding that spontaneous people don’t discriminate between jumping in — and jumping out. It’s all about spontaneity on both sides of the coin.

Rather than focus on why he dumped you, I think it’s important to focus on what it is you want in life, and how to get it. 😉 It sounds like you loved the happy passion that came with this relationship — but weren’t so realistic about the fact that the flip side of this type of passion is break ups. Suddenly trying to get pregnant because a baby is romantic, would have left you a single mother with no support of any kind — because that’s the pattern of that type of spontaneity. Living for the moment is very romantic — but much of real life is not.

If you’re looking for excitement and spontaneity, you have to understand that it goes both ways — the highs are balanced by the lows. So if the lows are too painful for you, consider a relationship that’s more even. It may not be as flashy, but it may be more fulfilling.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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[Lyell]

Thank you April <3

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. Please feel free to ask me, if you have any other questions, and check in at some point in the future to let me know how things are going.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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