[stressed478]

I am 18 years old, almost 19, and have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now.
My parents divorced awhile ago, and i live with my mom currently. My dad and stepmom live 2 hours away.
They have all been trying to give me different advice and I feel like they’re constantly screaming in my ear.
My mom does not want me staying the night with my boyfriend or getting an apartment with him because she is trying to make sure that I don’t have the same past that she did. She and my dad were married at age 18 and only got married because she was pregnant with me.
My dad is telling me to get a place with him and supports me more, and my stepmom is somewhat on the same page, but she has just a few different viewpoints. She has the same protective instincts as my mom because she ran away at 16 and got married at 17.
I want to be with my boyfriend, and I do love him, but I also respect my mother and the fact that she always wants to protect me; but she recently called me stupid because I am wanting to do this.
Is what I want so wrong? I feel like I’m at the point to where I should be able to feel secure about my decisions but it feels like everyone is shooting me down and I can’t make everyone happy, they are always disappointed in me for something.
Am i in the wrong? I am so lost on where to go from here. Please offer some advice. I feel that my parental figures are never on the same page and they do not care that all this mess is causing me so much stress and pain.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re stressed. Given your situation, it’s understandable. Parents don’t receive instruction manuals when they have children, and while they mean well, they make mistakes sometimes, and learn how to parent “on the job”.

My advice is to listen to your mom and cut her some slack for calling you stupid. She shouldn’t have done that, and she probably did because she feels out of control — she wants the best for you, but can’t make you make the decisions that she feels are important.

Since you’ve been with your boyfriend for three years, since you were 15 and you’re now 18, I’m guessing he’s your first real boyfriend. I understand that you must be very attached to him — and that because of that attachment, and your mother’s history of getting married because she was a pregnant teen as a negative guide — you’re having trouble seeing your way into your own future.

Here are a few guidelines for you:

1. You can’t please everyone. Learn that now. If you try, you’re going to screw up monumentally.

2. Because you can’t please everyone, you have to do [i]the right thing[/i]. This means the moral right thing; the character building right thing; the thing that is right for your life in the big picture — not necessarily in anyone else’s eyes. Eventually, if you do, everyone else will learn to respect and admire you for your taking responsibility for you own life. This is harder to do than it is to read or say.

3. Figure out what you want your future to look like. Is college in the cards? A career? A job? A family? As you approach legal adulthood, this is the perfect time to start making some goals for yourself. Understand that the goals can change; if you make a mistake you can recover; and that there are many paths you can take. But getting pregnant will change everything because you will never come first again — your child will — so choose pregnancy and motherhood carefully, if it’s in your set of goals.

4. My personal advice is that you don’t put more pressure on yourself, and the way to do that is NOT to move in with your boyfriend now. There is no real reason to, unless the two of you are marrying.

5. Consider that you may, at some point in your life, want to have dating experience that includes people other than your current (and possibly only) boyfriend. If you have any inkling that you may want more life experience — or that he may want more dating experience, himself — now is the time to do it.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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