[Nadia898]

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 2 years. He recently told me that we need to take a break because now that he is an adult (20 years old) he needs to see what life is like without me. In turn he will see if we should really be together for the rest of our lives. I am completely heart broken by this because everything was perfect for me until he told me this. While we are on a break, he said everything will be the same between us. We will act the same around eachother, except he will not be around as much (he was hardly around to begin with), we will not be doing anything sexual, and he is free to hook up with who he chooses. The last condition really got me upset because he is allowing himself to be open to other girls. However, he did say that the chance that he will actually hook up with another girl is one in a million. He just wants to make sure that he really wants to be with me after this break is said and done. Am I an idiot for agreeing to these conditions and waiting around to see if he really wants to be with me?

[lindaaa1025]

hi,
well wow! umm i’m 22 years old and being 20 dose NOT make you an adult
unless you act like on.. i think that what he is trying to do is get rid of
you.. maybe that’s not what you want to hear but i honestly think that
if he REALLY loves you, he wouldn’t have to take a random “break” just
because he feels the need to know IF ya’ll should be together.. i think
it is just an excuse for him to run off and sleep around or talk to
other girls. I do think that you should feel free to date other guys
and NOT wait around for him, i know a “break” or break up is hard
to get over but it will all heal with time.. and you can only grow and learn
from all this..
i hope this helps you with any choice you have to make, or plan on making..

[Ask April Masini]

The answer to your question is yes, although I’d hardly call you an idiot! 😎

Your boyfriend is breaking up with you, but not wanting to give up his cake while he’s eating it, too. He’s trying to hold on to you while he explores the world.

He’s not wrong to know he’s unready to get married, and to know that he wants to see what else is out there. What’s wrong is if you misread his behavior for anything more than it is: a break up.

I’d like to see you do the same that he is — go out there, explore the world, and see what’s out there for you. My guess is you’re going to find Mr. Right, and this soon to be ex-boyfriend will seem like a tiny blip on the radar screen that is your love life. 😉

Understand that you are WAY too valuable to accept the deal he’s offering you. If you wake up and smell the coffee, you’ll see there’s NOTHING in the terms of the deal he wants that’s good for you! Re-read those last 2 sentences. A couple of times. 😉

I know you’re hurt, but see what you can learn from this break up. From where I sit, it seems that you’re a lot more ready for the next step — a long term, committed relationship and/or marriage — than he is. If that’s what you want, then you’d be wise to find a man who wants the same thing. ❗ There are certain men who are more ready for that than others. Your job is to [i]only[/i] date them! Don’t waste your time or theirs with someone who isn’t compatible in this way.

Some of the ways you can tell in advance if a man is interested in a committed relationship and/or marriage is that he’s got a steady job, and sees his place in the career world. He will start to treat you like his future Mrs. by introducing you to friends, his family, and treating you like someone he wants a future with.

This is a great time for you to pick up my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that I wrote for women just like you who want to attract and get the man of their dreams. I know it’s sounds trite when I say it like that, but in reality, it happens! Every day! But you have to date smart. You can download the book at this link [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] for $15.95, and you’ll get the download immediately. Start reading this week, and you’ll feel better about the break up, and where your own life is going.

So forget the break, and make it a break up. He’s offering you a bad deal. Don’t take it. Turn the tables and you take charge. 😛 No sugar coating a break up by calling it a break. At age 22, you’re old enough to deal with reality, and to make your own life wonderful. And anyone who isn’t supportive of that doesn’t deserve your time! 😀

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